Entry with a central point... "Goals for this Year".

I will write and finish a story in 2011.
I will write and finish a story in 2011.
I will write and finish a story in 2011.
I will write and finish a story in 2011.
I will write and finish a story in 2011.
I will write and finish a story in 2011.
I will write and finish a story in 2011.
I will write and finish a story in 2011.
I will write and finish a story in 2011.
I will write and finish a story in 2011.
I will write and finish a story in 2011.
I will write and finish a story in 2011.
I will write and finish a story in 2011.
I will write and finish a story in 2011.

(Now to get started on writing and finishing a story in 2011. I feel as though I am vaguely trolling my own blog. Regardless. This. Will. Happen. I. WILL. Complete. A. Draft. Of. An. Original. Fiction. Story. THIS. YEAR.)

There's just too much inspiration for stories. There's just too much reality around me, too many fears, too many hopes, too many dreams, too much, too much, TOO MUCH, and I just CANNOT let this go on any longer. I HAVE to finish a draft, some draft, ANY draft, of ANY story, and I'm not going to wait until November to try! Dangit, I'm going to have 50,000 done BY November, if it kills me! Which it could. Potentially. Especially with all the things I'm doing this year/semester. Actually, this is the perfect place for me to finally solidify my goals this year. All of them, not just my writing goals. So here goes, for future reference:

-LIVE FOR CHRIST. I am unashamed of my God, of my faith, of the truth it holds in my life. Of His saving grace, and spilled blood for my salvation, and His love. And have I shown this Love recently? Not enough. Not. Enough. This is my first and foremost goal this year, and from this, will all my other goals and hopefully accomplishments, spring. Not only this, but that it will enrich every new friendship I become a part of, and that it will improve and revitalize every social relationship I am currently involved in (family, friends, etc.).

-Deepen my relationships with people. My current friends, my less-contacted friends, my family, groups I'm involved with, people I've never really paid enough attention to. This is something that is also incredibly important.

-Improve relationships with males in particular. In years past, I've had so many shortcomings in being capable of having meaningful friendships with guys in my age group; whether it's been obvious or not, or whether I've been terribly obvious in my expression of this, I usually end up crushing on any guy I get close to. This is something I need to work on, very much. I feel like this could be very damaging to any serious romantic or platonic relationship I have with another male person in the future. I will work at this, so I will save my (potential) future husband from having a potentially dysfunctional relationship, and save him and myself from having the pain that could come from this behavior I've displayed so far in my life.

-Work HARDER. This year, I need to learn self-motivation, self-determination, and self-discipline. I have a lot to do, more than I've ever had to do academically, and I intend to get a job. But with these other dysfunctional and deeply established behaviors of myself so far (the tendency to procrastinate to the very last minute, to allow lots of work to build up and cause myself to be overwhelmed by the work that piles up), I'm going to need to work REALLY hard to reverse these behaviors. And I'm willing to do that. And I WILL do that, not only because I don't really have a choice, but because I know it's something I need to do, and a part of my actions I've wanted to change for a long time.

-Keep dreaming. And make more realistic (and less abstract) goals to reach these dreams and goals.

-KEEP PRAYING. Keep trusting. Keep having faith. Keep loving.

-LISTEN. Listen to people, listen for what's behind what people say.

-Learn. Learn as much as possible, about as much as possible.

-Laugh more. Take some things a lot less seriously, but don't leave empathy and sensitivity behind.

-Exercise. This is on every goal list I make. But this one is going to need some serious expansion, like the goal-reaching goal itself. I need a constructive, specific, list of goals to increase what I need to do. I just have to improve my health, and this is where I'm lacking the most.

-Write every day. More specifically, write parts of particular stories every day. Begin the post-it note stories with Leah and Nathaniel (this being something I will expand upon later, and I promise! that I will do this.). Finish either my stories Sunlight, Interference, Rescue, Broken Ice, or the post-it note story.


So there we have it. These are my goals for this year and next. Love you all.

With three billion other more significant things to write about...

In the middle of all my recently selfish thoughts, and my incredibly annoying constant self-analysis and potential self-doubt, especially when expressed aloud, is this one positive focus.

This future I have, and these things I want to do, and what I know I'm being called too. I've realized, with all that annoying self-analysis, that I am incredibly idealistic, potentially optimistic, but still have an amazing ability to see all the things that could and do go wrong. However insignificant (with the upcoming beginning of grade 11 in High School, obtaining my driver's license potentially soon, and bigger issues that have been on my mind, such as Hurricane Irene, modern-day slavery, issues of faith and showing it to those around me through love and action, disability rights and people's ignorance, social models of this and mental illness, psychology, sociology, the economy, veganism, animal treatment, abortion, differences between the UK and the U.S., family, politics, other social issues, the state of local news and how stories are presented, etc....), this one seems to be the one that keeps recurring. Writing. Stories. Getting something accomplished.

And so far, it hasn't happened. But it might. No, it will. I've made it a habit to say I WILL, so that I have made a commitment. I have many things to pray about, many people, many issues, so much grace to be grateful for, so much to be happy about, so much to thank God for, and I do that. And when I think about it, I actually am really busy right now in life. I would be falling apart without God. I'm so grateful for all that is going on in my life right now. And change would usually freak me out a lot, especially an increase in activity like I've had lately with the beginning of my part-time enrollment in college courses at an actual college. And I know I have a lot more to figure out, even within the next week. Within the next day. However, there... there's a lot to be grateful for. I kind of lost my central point in this entry, but I guess that's what this entry is about now. I'm really thankful for all that's gone on in my life lately. I'm going to change my selfish nature, though. That I am determined to do.

God loves you all, and I do too. I hope this entry isn't as disappointing as I think it is.