...(vent/whatever (kind of an 'emo-pressing' vent))

I need to vent.

It's wrong, but, I want to... I mean, did Jesus not knock over tables in anger, or something like that? I'm venting... I'm not going to say any names.

I can't take this. How can someone say "Oh, it's Natural Selection that that idiot kid died cuz he was imitating some character on TV! Lol! One less idiot in the world!" No. Just... no. 10 year old's don't die because of natural selection. There is sin in the world, and being so cruel and insensitive like that, is wrong. Wrong. I'm being wrong. I thought some pretty bad stuff... I wanna go blow up to some people right now. But I'm not going to...

Okay. Casting Crowns is very helpful right now.

I need to love people like Jesus, who ate dinner with the 'tax-collectors and sinners', and let the lady with the loose hair wash his feet. People struggle. People don't understand. People are swallowed up in the darkness and sin of this world and lured by temptation from the Devil. I'm not one of them... and I can't condemn them. I've just got to do what I can. I HAVE to stick to God. No. Matter. What.

Some quotes from my friend, from a thread on a site where 'proselyetize is 'not allowed.' He wrote them a long time ago. In my blog, he's Sam. He's changed. He's struggling. He's not like the people who condemned him in that thread, but he's hurting. He needs to heal and come back to Christ. He was so devout and 'overzealous' to some... he may have sounded like a bit of an advertisement to some, may have been 'shoving' his 'religion' down their throats.

..."but you must know that winning people to christ is an amazing thing. why should it not be allowed? what if someone didn't answer to this topic but read it and understood it and the holy spirit took over. what if that somebody is saved right now from the firey clutches of eternal Hell. you can't honestly think that going to Hell for all eternity is any better than going to Heaven with a few people you don't like. i can guarentee that anyone in Hell right now would gladly switch lives with any one of you. Hell is NOT a good place to be. and to think that Jesus died a long and painful death on the cross just to give us a second chance to get in to Heaven is just unbelievable!!! and yet some do not see that and don't want to because it might make them afraid or it might hurt their feelings! that makes it our job as christians to give as many people as humanly possible a chance at going to Heaven and staying out of the clutches of the Devil who would kill just to make sure we don't find God! Jesus could come back tomarrow morning or an hour even and he is going to collect the souls that trust in him and leave the unbelivers here on Earth where if they are not killed will suffer years of Satan's wrath! it is the christian's job to win people to Christ and you're not going to tell me i can't do it because it's against the rules. because i might make some people feel sad. that's a price i am willing to take if it means keeping people out of the fiery trenches of Hell!!! some of you might think that Satan is your friend. that Satan is here to help but he's not! he tricks you into thinking he's your friend so that when you turn around he can stab you in the back and God's the only person who can save you from that! So believe what you want to believe everybody but you'll be wishing you would've paid a little more attention in Sunday School when Jesus comes."Those Who Seek God Will Be Rewarded"- Hebrews 11:6"

"Yay! i didn't know so many people were christians! it's GREAT isn't it?! and *insert username of member here*, you don't have to go to hell you know. as long as you accept christ as your lord and savior and say the sinner's prayer, you don't have to go to hell. that's the free gift Jesus Christ gave us when he willingly died on the cross. isn't that just amazing! God doesn't want you to go to hell. that's why he gave his only son to die on the cross for OUR sins. Jesus didn't sin once in his entire life. he was literally PERFECT. and yet he died on the cross for us anyway! you see, God doesn't want to go to hell. Jesus died on the cross so that we could have the chance to get into Heaven. it's a free gift The Lord gave to sinners. and we are all sinners by the way. it's your choice if you want to accept the gift given to you by The Lord Jesus Christ who loves you so much he would die for YOU! it's never too late to get saved. but don't wait! you could pass way as you sleep tonight. it's a scary thing to imagine but happens much to often. it's not such a scary thing however once you get saved. because the second you get saved, you're going to Heaven. so then when you go to bed, thinking you may pass away right where you're laying, it's not so scary. because now, you know that if you were to die, you're going to Heaven. Forever. Where you can see Jesus. The one you call, your Lord and Savior. May God be with you all. And all who did not post. The Lord loves you all. Just the same."

How can people fall apart? He's straying... I need to be there for him.

New favorite band-
Casting Crowns

I'm almost crying right now. It feels like how I used to look at the old church directory pictures, and see this huge family of about 9, all smiling, a couple of pouting teenagers, and this grinning little, 7-year-old boy, who looked like the kid from Steuart Little (2002 directory), and then look at the most recent directory, from 2006, and... knowing how the family split... 5 people. In that picture. His parents divorced. Sister, or whoever the girl was, grew up. I know she's alive, because I tried to reach someone of their last name through an operator, and they tried to get me there. The boy had longer hair now, different glasses, a faint smile, pale skin. I knew there was more behind that, however.

This boy was Mark.

And he still is Mark. It seemed he'd had trouble talking to me about his family, and when he did, none of the stories were happy. It wasn't like my novel boy, or like Troy Abbort, it wasn't like he was being physically abused, or neglected, but his family... definitely had dysfunction. I never got extreme specifics. But I knew some things. His parents divorced.

I got told something about cousins and adoption and aunts and uncles in car crashes from someone else, not from Mark, but I don't know exactly what happened...

He was hurting too.


My friend, a girl, lost, and searching. She says she's a Christian. But I think she might just be 'religious', at the times she is. I hate that word... I am not religious. I have a relationship with Christ. He is my Lord, my Savior, my Heavenly father. He's a friend. He shouldn't be as distant as I put him off, but He IS my friend.

Either way, her faith... I don't know if she understands. She's had crappy boyfriends. Tons of them. One of them, a drug-addicted, cheating, player, tried to get her to do things she absolutely DIDN'T want to do. She told me in the summer before sixth grade that she had kissed a girl. She's obssessed with boys. She doesn't want to get pregnant, or have sex or any of that. She just 'loves' them. But everytime she gets into a relationship, everytime a boy hurts her by cheating on her, or breaking up with her for some stupid reason, I watch her get hurt. I hear her over the phone, angry and hurt. I hear her. I'm one of the so-called 'few' people she's told that she was bi. I don't call her enough. I need to talk to her. And though I'm so quick to say something wrong is fun, or anything of the like, jokingly, I can't confront someone about something like that. I can't do that. I can't shove my faith down my throat. Even my youth pastor says not to do that. But I have to tell her it's wrong somehow... though, if she accepts Christ as her savior in truth, and believes in Him fully, is her sin not forgiven? Most likely it is forgiven. But to repeat that, again and again.

Her boyfriends are the ones who have the problems. She's torn apart inside, I know it. Her mom, she doesn't even know her mom's age. Her mom is rather overweight; she got one of those gastric bypass surgeries, or something of the like, and she just wants the best for her daughter; she doesn't seem to know that much about her daughter's relationships, or her preference. She let her transfer schools when the one she went to wasn't working out, however. But putting a bunch of troubled, high-risk kids, in ONE school... how does that help? I suppose it could... but the bullying... cutting, suicidal thoughts... I guess you can't really blame a school for that. But it's so much easier, isn't it? I wasn't there for her when she was like that. I wasn't there. I wasn't there to listen. I need to call her... check up on her... just be her friend, at the very least.

I am deathly afraid of any of my friends going to anywhere other than Heaven. Maybe it's wrong... to think like that. Just because I want them with me. It's not as though I'll be lonely. I don't know what my motives are sometimes. I do, however, honestly, want them all to get saved, and share my joy. And feel God's love surrounding them. I want them to be there to know that.

I could list all my friends and my friends' various problems right now.

But that's not the point... I need to be here for those who are CLOSE to me. Not just online. And not just the few people that I actually, selfishly, choose to call during the day. The people that need someone, are the ones I need to talk to. Lord, please help me... give me your guidance.