On another note. (Thanks, an "announcement", and some other things)

I really hope you didn't see the almost-post before this. I deleted it. Too much. Right now, I'd like to give thanks to God, and the great best friend He's blessed me with, Leah. She really knows how to listen and be there for me, praying, talking, laughing, listening, joking around--everything. And she's really awesome in general.

And all of you guys are awesome.

Well, I think Nattie and I have some news (I hope you don't mind me putting this in my blog):

We are "going out". ^^' <3

It's really great, and we really like each other, and, as we all know, Nathaniel is amazing. o.o

<333

Last night was the National Day of Prayer. I attended the meeting at one of our churches in a nearby city, and I prayed for an event called Carefest.

(http://www.rochestercarefest.org/)

I've worked at Carefest with my family the past 3 years, and it has been quite the experience. I love it. I really do. We help people with their homes, and various organizations around the city, including schools, churches, homeless shelters, other shelters, etc. It's really great.

Basically, we do service projects of various types, based on the home or organization's needs. Like painting, or staining wood, or building sheds, or cleaning lockers, or organizing things. Things like that, and more tedious work, like replacing appliances, or rebuilding things. Lots of stuff.

It's really, really fun, and it really touches lives out in that town.

It's a great event. :)

And I was honored to pray for it.

Once again, I had some, I guess I could call it, "leader anxiety". Because a ton of adults at church think of me as a leader, meager little me, as a leader, someone to lead the other youth and impact people in big ways. Maybe they get me mixed up with my dad. xP

But, yeah, my dad and I are very similar when it comes to things at church and stuff.

People in his age group (adults, any age, actually) know him. He practically knows the entirety of that town.

And I know a whole bunch of the little kids at church, and some youth group kids.

The youth leaders think that I'm a good influence, that I am really growing in my faith.

I guess I have a fear of flaw-discovery when it comes to other people. They don't really know me. They don't see me in school, when I back up and don't say anything about God when I have the perfect interval. When I'm violent, or when I'm angry, or when I'm sad, or when I'm doubting.

Am I faking my faith when I'm at youth group or youth trips? I don't think so... but they never see the other side of me.

It really was an honor to step up there and pray. And it really makes me feel good to be valued by adults and leaders. It makes me happy when my parents say they're proud of me, especially for my faith.

No one's directly pressuring me to be anything, to do anything. It's just... what if I screwed up in front of them?

Sometimes that really inspires me to keep growing in my faith, to be stronger, so I'll always be a good "leader", or so they think. But sometimes I doubt if that's where I want to be.

I want to help people. But would it be okay if I were just behind the scenes, like my mom? The pillar of prayer?

But I'm all for the communication directly to people, like my dad.

It's all for God's glory, and if I'm gonna be out there, if He calls me to be there, I will be.

Bu sometimes I worry. Really hard, about what I'm doing. I don't think any of the kids even really think me a leader; just the adults. I'm okay with that, but I do worry.

They don't know me like my friends do. My parents don't know me like that.

Sometimes I have that little rebellious instinct, just to go and do something stupid just so they'll stop thinking I'm so good. But that wouldn't be right either.

I guess it's something I'll just have to let go of, bring in to God, let Him handle it. I've gotta live like Jesus, and Peggy. She was not all up front, but she touched lives through friendship and kindness. But that's just how God used her for the good of His children. Wherever He wants me to be, I'll go.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0ihxvCyrWM)