Things for me never to forget
The Lord is always there for us.
He made the world, he loves us, he loves me.
You don't have to tell everyone what they want to hear just to make them happy.
Don't put yourself before others.
Sacrifice yourself ONLY for God.
Do not give up everything to keep everyone else okay.
Don't fake it because you're upset and make everything worse.
Don't make huge lies that always get found out and always be honest.
Be honest, but not rude.
Ask God for guidance in EVERYTHING.
Pray for everyone every night.
Prayer is the most powerful weapon.
"Love Thy neighbor as thy self."
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him for he will make your paths straight."
"For God so Loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, so whoever believes in him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life."
-John 3:16
<3
Friday, May 9, 2008
I might just blog all night... (My personal problems because I actually have some! *ventpost*)
Twilight Coding
Jacob= Jared
Bella= Me
Edward= Mark
Jacob is speaking with me again tonight.
I wish there was something I could say... honestly, I'm bad at this now. I think I ruined everything... no, I know I did. I've been doubting myself a lot lately, and though I know it's unhealthy, and I KNOW I can help it, and I know it's not true and unhealthy to think like this... but, I feel like I can't help it really.
And... I just...I'm beginning to think my social/brain skills are like, degenerating. I keep treating people like patients, not friends. You know how I want to be a psychologist? I'm thinking like a PSYCHIATRIST. And I'm being analytical. And in the logic sense, not just my typical emotional kind.... I just... I feel like I don't know what to say anymore, without conforming to others and sounding perverted (laughing at the typical innappropriate jokes, or saying my own... that belong on TV-14 animated sitcoms that pop up all the time in the seventh grade nowadays... or worse.). It's not good... but... I'm also just falling behind in my own head... I just... I'm becoming colder too. Distancing. And... I need to start excercising more, but... yeah... *sigh* I'm comparing myself to other people too (girls in particular; girls who are ridiculously skinny and in sports and actually don't blog all night instead of sleeping.) I just... It's ridiculous. I'M being extremely ridiculous.
Well, anyway... on a not-so-much lighter note... *this IS the venting post, you know...*
I'm just gonna say, because it is wrong for me to 'gossip', and/or specifically say what my friends have been doing to themselves/saying/joking about/threatening to do/not so joyful home lives... I'm just gonna say a lot of the people I'm close to are going through hard times.
*sigh* And it hurts me to watch. But I can't leave them.
I'm praying... I know God will pull through for me. I've doubted before, but I won't doubt him anymore. He's true. The one unchanging part of this world, of this faith that we have. He's true.
Jacob= Jared
Bella= Me
Edward= Mark
Jacob is speaking with me again tonight.
I wish there was something I could say... honestly, I'm bad at this now. I think I ruined everything... no, I know I did. I've been doubting myself a lot lately, and though I know it's unhealthy, and I KNOW I can help it, and I know it's not true and unhealthy to think like this... but, I feel like I can't help it really.
And... I just...I'm beginning to think my social/brain skills are like, degenerating. I keep treating people like patients, not friends. You know how I want to be a psychologist? I'm thinking like a PSYCHIATRIST. And I'm being analytical. And in the logic sense, not just my typical emotional kind.... I just... I feel like I don't know what to say anymore, without conforming to others and sounding perverted (laughing at the typical innappropriate jokes, or saying my own... that belong on TV-14 animated sitcoms that pop up all the time in the seventh grade nowadays... or worse.). It's not good... but... I'm also just falling behind in my own head... I just... I'm becoming colder too. Distancing. And... I need to start excercising more, but... yeah... *sigh* I'm comparing myself to other people too (girls in particular; girls who are ridiculously skinny and in sports and actually don't blog all night instead of sleeping.) I just... It's ridiculous. I'M being extremely ridiculous.
Well, anyway... on a not-so-much lighter note... *this IS the venting post, you know...*
I'm just gonna say, because it is wrong for me to 'gossip', and/or specifically say what my friends have been doing to themselves/saying/joking about/threatening to do/not so joyful home lives... I'm just gonna say a lot of the people I'm close to are going through hard times.
*sigh* And it hurts me to watch. But I can't leave them.
I'm praying... I know God will pull through for me. I've doubted before, but I won't doubt him anymore. He's true. The one unchanging part of this world, of this faith that we have. He's true.
A Random 'Short Story?' What Love means to me
I was obsessed with writing Avatar: TLA romantic fanfictions that were so incredibly predictable and cliche and yet well-loved on Nick.com in late fifth grade. Yup. I loved the show, loved the canon ships. Then I liked Zutara.
Shipping, fanfics... never, never even close to what a real romantic relationship is.
As I grew older, I began rewatching those PG-13 romance comedies I didn't get when I was younger that I liked to watch anyway again. And I 'fell in love' with those movies again. And now I understood them. What the world thinks is love: sexual relationships, a whole bunch of cliche meetings, a real dependency on another human being to keep you on this earth; it isn't right either.
When I got involved in 'relationships', I was way too young, and you know what? Nobody honestly 'dates' when they're in sixth grade, even though some of my friends got in... really serious relationships when they were even younger, but you know what? No one really understands the concept yet. I flirted with some guy, and I was desperate for a boyfriend. So I dated them. I broke up with one, and I didn't even do it directly (had someone else tell them that), and then I went and did the same with the other guy. (Mind you, these weren't at the same time.)
This wasn't love either.
Middle school relationships should last at MOST 2 weeks top. But, that's not true anymore... at least for people who SOMEWHAT have a grasp on romantic love. Parents (at least good parents...) don't want their kids getting so involved at such a young age. Everyone's young and vunerable when they're... below the age of at least 28, but hey... everyone does it. That doesn't make it right though.
Going out with a best guy friend through the summer and never 'officially' breaking up with him: not real love either. Even though it felt so good... running around the library, chasing each other, giggling with each other, the notes passed in English. It was truly beautiful. I loved it... It was sweet and fluffy and cliche. Just like a movie...
Well, maybe it was real love. Love is friendship, romantic relationships, family love.
At a young age, we begin to comprehend things. As we get older, we're still the same. We're just comprehending 'more complicated things'. Like why the world is the way it is. As a Christian child, we learn what sin is. We learn what's right and wrong, we get sent to school, and our faith gets challenged all the time. We struggle to do the right thing. We search for ourselves, we search for other people, we get lost. Just like everyone else. God is the one who loves us. He created us, he created the world, he knows who we are, he made everyone and every beautiful thing around us. But we stray... and we have idols.
Meeting a guy at a youth trip doesn't make him a perfect Christian. Christians are humans. We make mistakes, we all sin... and, we all have moments where we're either mean to other people, or, we tear ourselves down. Sometimes, we get lost in little dreams and fantasies and our mental love story novel; mine was perfectly imperfect. Girl meets boy, boy who has some sort of problem that just seems terrible, and this boy is sensitive and listens to the same kind of music that girl listens to... girl helps boy overcome problems and girl and boy fall in love despite all conflict and... live as well as they possibly can together and love each other truly. Well... maybe that story lacked a lot. But when boy in real life meets girl in real life who doesn't have the perfect skill that can magically heal hearts and say the right words and speak comprehensibly all the time.
Girl obviously didn't expect that boy would be constantly holding her hand, which she liked... and then putting his arm around her waist. Something she didn't expect. And, boy who was probably... slightly overdramatic? Or maybe actually had a reason for what he said... but girl was extremely scared when boy told her his girlfriend held something against him. Girl is paranoid, and girl comes up with the worst possible reasons why this would be. Well... Girl learns that Boy never did anything wrong and he couldn't possibly hurt a fly. And girl firmly 'trusts' boy, even though she feels as though they go too fast too much... girl wants to be with boy more often, wants to talk to him, wants to call him all the time... Boy is not as socially forward as Girl. A little bit of a clash. A planned kiss on a ski lift. At least in Girl's mind. She didn't have too much guts just to kiss him on the cheek, even though she did... and then he kissed her on the lips. And maybe just a little too far... she didn't expect it. And her first kiss wasn't what she expected. It was rather awkward, and Girl talks too fast when she tries to explain why she broke the kiss... so quickly.
Boy thinks he hurt her.
Girl wishes he would talk to her and stop thinking he was doing something wrong... no matter how many times she'd said it, she knew in her heart that he wouldn't believe her. She would have been the same way...
Boy has stress at home.
Girl doesn't know what else is going on. She wants to know because she cares. She doubts herself too much. And so does Boy.
They end up breaking up. Or at least Boy does. And he still doesn't feel any better.
Girl is clueless and doesn't know what to say to Boy in order to fix everything. Multiple messages on Boy's cellphone don't do much, and an endless freeverse email filled with emotion doesn't do much... Boy regrets the breakup, girl reciprocates, yet Boy still feels... that he can't handle it. Girl... isn't heartbroken. Girl wishes she would've said more, even though she thinks she may have said too much.
Love... is all of this, and none of some of it. Love is the friends who talk to you when you're feeling down, and the people you call when you're dorkily spazz-happy and when you just want to rant and tell them everything. Love is your mom and dad, or whoever is a parent to you. The ones who teach you right from wrong, and make you who you are. The people you can talk to and trust and love you for you and would never reject you even when you're all struggling to keep your heads on straight. Love is that annoying younger sibling who secretly looks up to you and learns (negative and positve) everything from watching you as a kid. That annoying younger sibling whom you give your 'words of wisdom' to about their 'future'. The one you tell to get out of your room while you're on the phone. And yet the one you wouldn't know what to do without. Love is the guy who shows you true love. And isn't just in it because they think you're hot, or because they want to get to another girl through you, or because they were dared to ask you out. It's hard to find an honest-to-goodness good guy in the world we live in, but... there are men out there who truly love women for who they are, and who they are in God. And who have morals.
And the most important of all... God's love. God's love, is extraordinary, and no other love can top it. He CREATED us. He loves us, even though we sin. So much, that he sent his son to earth to DIE for our sins, so we could come live with him in Heaven. He created the earth, and he heals us and comforts us when we are wounded. His love is incredible.
That is what Love is...
Shipping, fanfics... never, never even close to what a real romantic relationship is.
As I grew older, I began rewatching those PG-13 romance comedies I didn't get when I was younger that I liked to watch anyway again. And I 'fell in love' with those movies again. And now I understood them. What the world thinks is love: sexual relationships, a whole bunch of cliche meetings, a real dependency on another human being to keep you on this earth; it isn't right either.
When I got involved in 'relationships', I was way too young, and you know what? Nobody honestly 'dates' when they're in sixth grade, even though some of my friends got in... really serious relationships when they were even younger, but you know what? No one really understands the concept yet. I flirted with some guy, and I was desperate for a boyfriend. So I dated them. I broke up with one, and I didn't even do it directly (had someone else tell them that), and then I went and did the same with the other guy. (Mind you, these weren't at the same time.)
This wasn't love either.
Middle school relationships should last at MOST 2 weeks top. But, that's not true anymore... at least for people who SOMEWHAT have a grasp on romantic love. Parents (at least good parents...) don't want their kids getting so involved at such a young age. Everyone's young and vunerable when they're... below the age of at least 28, but hey... everyone does it. That doesn't make it right though.
Going out with a best guy friend through the summer and never 'officially' breaking up with him: not real love either. Even though it felt so good... running around the library, chasing each other, giggling with each other, the notes passed in English. It was truly beautiful. I loved it... It was sweet and fluffy and cliche. Just like a movie...
Well, maybe it was real love. Love is friendship, romantic relationships, family love.
At a young age, we begin to comprehend things. As we get older, we're still the same. We're just comprehending 'more complicated things'. Like why the world is the way it is. As a Christian child, we learn what sin is. We learn what's right and wrong, we get sent to school, and our faith gets challenged all the time. We struggle to do the right thing. We search for ourselves, we search for other people, we get lost. Just like everyone else. God is the one who loves us. He created us, he created the world, he knows who we are, he made everyone and every beautiful thing around us. But we stray... and we have idols.
Meeting a guy at a youth trip doesn't make him a perfect Christian. Christians are humans. We make mistakes, we all sin... and, we all have moments where we're either mean to other people, or, we tear ourselves down. Sometimes, we get lost in little dreams and fantasies and our mental love story novel; mine was perfectly imperfect. Girl meets boy, boy who has some sort of problem that just seems terrible, and this boy is sensitive and listens to the same kind of music that girl listens to... girl helps boy overcome problems and girl and boy fall in love despite all conflict and... live as well as they possibly can together and love each other truly. Well... maybe that story lacked a lot. But when boy in real life meets girl in real life who doesn't have the perfect skill that can magically heal hearts and say the right words and speak comprehensibly all the time.
Girl obviously didn't expect that boy would be constantly holding her hand, which she liked... and then putting his arm around her waist. Something she didn't expect. And, boy who was probably... slightly overdramatic? Or maybe actually had a reason for what he said... but girl was extremely scared when boy told her his girlfriend held something against him. Girl is paranoid, and girl comes up with the worst possible reasons why this would be. Well... Girl learns that Boy never did anything wrong and he couldn't possibly hurt a fly. And girl firmly 'trusts' boy, even though she feels as though they go too fast too much... girl wants to be with boy more often, wants to talk to him, wants to call him all the time... Boy is not as socially forward as Girl. A little bit of a clash. A planned kiss on a ski lift. At least in Girl's mind. She didn't have too much guts just to kiss him on the cheek, even though she did... and then he kissed her on the lips. And maybe just a little too far... she didn't expect it. And her first kiss wasn't what she expected. It was rather awkward, and Girl talks too fast when she tries to explain why she broke the kiss... so quickly.
Boy thinks he hurt her.
Girl wishes he would talk to her and stop thinking he was doing something wrong... no matter how many times she'd said it, she knew in her heart that he wouldn't believe her. She would have been the same way...
Boy has stress at home.
Girl doesn't know what else is going on. She wants to know because she cares. She doubts herself too much. And so does Boy.
They end up breaking up. Or at least Boy does. And he still doesn't feel any better.
Girl is clueless and doesn't know what to say to Boy in order to fix everything. Multiple messages on Boy's cellphone don't do much, and an endless freeverse email filled with emotion doesn't do much... Boy regrets the breakup, girl reciprocates, yet Boy still feels... that he can't handle it. Girl... isn't heartbroken. Girl wishes she would've said more, even though she thinks she may have said too much.
Love... is all of this, and none of some of it. Love is the friends who talk to you when you're feeling down, and the people you call when you're dorkily spazz-happy and when you just want to rant and tell them everything. Love is your mom and dad, or whoever is a parent to you. The ones who teach you right from wrong, and make you who you are. The people you can talk to and trust and love you for you and would never reject you even when you're all struggling to keep your heads on straight. Love is that annoying younger sibling who secretly looks up to you and learns (negative and positve) everything from watching you as a kid. That annoying younger sibling whom you give your 'words of wisdom' to about their 'future'. The one you tell to get out of your room while you're on the phone. And yet the one you wouldn't know what to do without. Love is the guy who shows you true love. And isn't just in it because they think you're hot, or because they want to get to another girl through you, or because they were dared to ask you out. It's hard to find an honest-to-goodness good guy in the world we live in, but... there are men out there who truly love women for who they are, and who they are in God. And who have morals.
And the most important of all... God's love. God's love, is extraordinary, and no other love can top it. He CREATED us. He loves us, even though we sin. So much, that he sent his son to earth to DIE for our sins, so we could come live with him in Heaven. He created the earth, and he heals us and comforts us when we are wounded. His love is incredible.
That is what Love is...
I have a snapvine.+random stuffs
Snapvine-
http://www.snapvine.com/profile/R14mGvX1EdyBiAAwSFsPiA
^That es me.
Anyway... yeah. *sigh* I have many unnecessary and random voice blogs+voice blogs that aren't random and unnecessary... but whateverz. I like recording cuz you don't have to type anything, even though I'm not that bad a typer.
I'm going to write up a song/freeverse poem (again) (MY FIRST POST BREAK-UP SONG, EGAD! about... erm... "Mark". *sigh*
I wish you were here
When I watched the sunset tonight
It's a beautiful thing, something that God definitely made
I know it's hard to have faith sometimes, but it's what the world needs
It's what we all need
I wish you knew
How much you mean to me
I wish that I could take away your pain and confusion
I know that the Lord can
But I wish that I could do something more
I wish that you didn't feel like you were going to collapse under stress
I wish you didn't have any stress
It's a selfish thing, really
How much I wish you were here
Maybe it's just for me
Maybe it's for you
I want you near me
And I want to be near you
I still love you...
Humans are imperfect
And even with your 'flaws'
I still love you
I wish you were here tonight
I wish I could hold you
I wish that we would have kissed
Just one more time
Maybe we should've stayed in the church library
And done that one last time
So my first kiss didn't have to be my last with you
I thank you for giving that to me
'Surest Petal' became true
I still haven't forgotten the little things you said and did.
I still haven't forgotten your resemblence to the guy I dreamed about
I still haven't forgotten you.
I still care
I still love you
I know you have a heart, I know that you're not guilty
I know that this isn't your fault, and whatever's going on, it will end
There's a little at the end of every tunnel.
Put your faith in God
He loves you and he's here for you.
He's waiting for your call.
And I'm not more significant
But I'm still here too
I'm waiting for you
Patiently
And if you never talk to me again
Please don't forget what's most important in your life.
*sings* I miss you......
And there's my song/freeverse poem that I could possibly make into a song. *sighz* Thassall for tonight.
http://www.snapvine.com/profile/R14mGvX1EdyBiAAwSFsPiA
^That es me.
Anyway... yeah. *sigh* I have many unnecessary and random voice blogs+voice blogs that aren't random and unnecessary... but whateverz. I like recording cuz you don't have to type anything, even though I'm not that bad a typer.
I'm going to write up a song/freeverse poem (again) (MY FIRST POST BREAK-UP SONG, EGAD! about... erm... "Mark". *sigh*
I wish you were here
When I watched the sunset tonight
It's a beautiful thing, something that God definitely made
I know it's hard to have faith sometimes, but it's what the world needs
It's what we all need
I wish you knew
How much you mean to me
I wish that I could take away your pain and confusion
I know that the Lord can
But I wish that I could do something more
I wish that you didn't feel like you were going to collapse under stress
I wish you didn't have any stress
It's a selfish thing, really
How much I wish you were here
Maybe it's just for me
Maybe it's for you
I want you near me
And I want to be near you
I still love you...
Humans are imperfect
And even with your 'flaws'
I still love you
I wish you were here tonight
I wish I could hold you
I wish that we would have kissed
Just one more time
Maybe we should've stayed in the church library
And done that one last time
So my first kiss didn't have to be my last with you
I thank you for giving that to me
'Surest Petal' became true
I still haven't forgotten the little things you said and did.
I still haven't forgotten your resemblence to the guy I dreamed about
I still haven't forgotten you.
I still care
I still love you
I know you have a heart, I know that you're not guilty
I know that this isn't your fault, and whatever's going on, it will end
There's a little at the end of every tunnel.
Put your faith in God
He loves you and he's here for you.
He's waiting for your call.
And I'm not more significant
But I'm still here too
I'm waiting for you
Patiently
And if you never talk to me again
Please don't forget what's most important in your life.
*sings* I miss you......
And there's my song/freeverse poem that I could possibly make into a song. *sighz* Thassall for tonight.
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