My Weekend. (WARNING: Epic moodwhiplash throughout. And zero organization.)

Well, I have just realized that I usually blog right before Carefest, or right after... it's now midnight, the day after Carefest. It was a great time, as it is every year. And I love to spend it with my friend. But the point is to serve others, to let them see the light of Christ. Wow.

I've recently had a conversation with someone close to me telling me that I need to stop beating myself up over things. But if I didn't... I don't know if I would be able to make myself stop doing stupid or obviously wrong things. I guilt myself into a lot of things, and it's absolutely wrong for me to do that in the first place, but if I didn't, I'd just be an honestly jerkish person who didn't give a crap. Some people encourage that. Some people see it as rude. I do rude things without knowing all the time, and what I need is to be more aware of my thoughts and actions... instead of overthinking them later when the deed's been done.

I'm considering taking advantage of my church's counseling services. I'm on the prayer team, but... I don't know about that now. I don't know. And it'd be hypocritical for me not to want to go by saying that I could handle this on my own/ONLY talking to other people who aren't counselors, with the way I push this stuff toward other people all the time. It's no cure-all and it's difficult and uncomfortable, and for the first time in a while, I have to consider that and admit that. But most of the people at the center aren't strangers to me. And if I honestly don't believe there's no shame in asking for help, and have humbled myself enough to say I need it, then... well... I should just do it. Before I talk myself out of it. Because that's happened a lot, with a lot of different things.

So... back to Carefest. We cleaned up a middle school. While cleaning lockers in the girls' locker room, I found a bullet in one of the lockers I let Leah keep it. She joked that it was just someone going to her high school(apparently, it's "ghetto" there. xP), but... I dunno. I was first reminded of a book I read (The Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl by Barry Lyga, in which the main character carries a bullet around with him at all times),and then disturbed. I remembered something I'd heard about that middle school, about a student that used to go there, and no longer goes there because they're dead, essentially. It was... briefly sobering. And then I just got back to work and joking around and socializing with Leah and the girl who graduated from my school last year, who happened to be at the same project.

In light of recent events... I found it even more disturbing. I don't know why I keep thinking about this kind of stuff. My friend and I have very drastically different ways with dealing with things. To be honest, I avoid my feelings, or channel them, in different ways, through focusing on fiction or other subjects. But never NOT talking about them. If it's really burning in me, I have to get it out. Whether in journal or blog or aloud, whichever works at the time, I have to get it out. I can never really be alone with my thoughts, unless those thoughts terrify me enough that I don't want people to be concerned. Which has been unfortunately often lately.

So later in Carefest, we arrived at the arena to do some more work (Leah and I were DETERMINED to paint, because we paint EVERY YEAR and we must paint each other! MUST.)So we got to paint a wall! And it was fun! :D Yeah! We did have some conversation too. We've actually taken off most of our roleplaying for a while, so now most of our conversation is just conversation, and it's pretty cool. 8) And we had some people help use finish the wall toward the end. They just happened to be male and of the attractive variety, which, again, is completely, COMPLETELY, missing the point of yesterday. But they were nice, and we talked about music and Sunshine festival, and plays and such.

And just to keep things interesting, I'll now tell you about what I did on Thursday and Friday. Thursday afternoon, miss lovely Ella brought me down to her house and we hung out and talked and stuff, while we waited for miss Leah to arrive. It was cool. We watched some deleted scenes from Repo! The Genetic Opera, and one of Terrance Zdunich's videos, and such, and it was quite enjoyable. Then Leah arrived, we watched some Uncle Yo on YouTube (Otaku/Geek comedian of epic lolz0rz), but they did not seem to appreciate him very much... ^^' Later on we watched Repo! The Genetic Opera. Honestly, I really only liked Mag, occasionally Shilo, and the Graverobber, and... well... I found the costumes to be a bit... distracting. xP And I worry that that might just be the point. Yes, it was sad when Nathan was dying and Shilo said goodbye. Of course I almost teared up at that point. But... costumes. Idea for the movie? Something and "love of beautiful women". *ahem* Decent movie overall, I suppose, in spite of that. Call me a prude or perv or whatever, but it was just too sexual in my opinion, even without an outright sex scene.

After this film, we did some awesome makeup, using songs as inspiration. We all looked pretty rad when we walked to the Dollar Store (which was closed), and then Wal*Mart to buy snacks for our next film-viewing. :)

Anyways, we also watched Vampires Suck, which was funny, mostly because it parodied Twilight, and Becca's actress imitated Kristen Stewart really well. (Haha, new nickname for her... K-Stew. Lol. Stew. Sorry, I'm a little off tonight...) Anyways, some YouTube parodies were better. But overall, pretty funny. Kind of reminded me of those straight-up teen movies.

Best of the night in my opinion (though you can't compare any of these genre-wise): Howl's Moving Castle. I know it wasn't too pleasing for Nathaniel to know that I watched it without him, but it was just... amazing. Truly a great film. The fantasy elements and the realistic paired up so well, and were well-balanced... though you could say there's not much realistic in the film. It just had the overtone of seriousness, with the backdrop of war. But like anime movies tend to go, there is hopefulness at the end. It was just incredible. I need to watch more Hayao Miyazaki...

(and Ella and Leah need to watch some Makoto Shinkai. *cough*)

The next morning, we hung out so more, ate some breakfast, watched Ella demonstrate some pretty awesome dances (Love and Joy and... I don't remember the other one. ^^' I'll have to ask her to Facebook it to me. x3), and then drove off to the AWESOMENESS that is X-Men: First Class. First off, I have to say, historical truth I learned here:

Mutants solved the Cuban Missile Crisis.

That is all. *jk* Actually, it was just a really great movie. The plot was fascinating, especially with Erik/Magento's character developments, as well as the contrast between he and Xavier/Professor x. Interactions between characters (particularly Mystique/X, Mystique/Erik, Erik/X, Mystique/Hank, and Mystique/Erik) were just spot on, in my opinion. Especially the scene where Xavier motivates Erik to move a gigantic satellite... his words... man. Knocked me out. Great movie. And not to mention the eye-candy. Heh. I decided to put that one last to make myself look a lot better than I am for a second. See how terrible I am? xP

We returned to Ella's and watched a show about survivors of stuff on Animal Planet. It was really intense. I have thoughts on that. But I've decided against expressing them. So, I left and went shopping for groceries and things for my mission trip with my youth group to the Dominican Republic in less than two weeks.

I'm going on a mission trip to the Dominican Republic. June 30th to July 11th. I'm praying that God really changes my heart there. I'm always feeling like these trips and big events are what's just going to turn me around... but there's always that 48 hour rule (where, if you don't make a change within those hours, you probably won't change), and the fact that change is a process. I've got issues. And maybe they aren't solvable by counseling, or maybe that would help, or maybe I just need a big kick in the butt to get me going. And I haven't been managing to do it myself very well.

So, concluding thoughts for the night... yeah. I've thought too much this weekend. Good night and God bless, all. Thanks for reading.

MAN! It's been forever...

I'm really sorry. I'm extremely neglectful, I know... *sigh*

Sooo... Last weekend, was the amaziiingggsauce girls' cabin trip. Ella and I had a blast. XD It was so much fun, tubing, boat-riding, being pyros and throwing random stuff into the campfire... *sigh* Goooooood times. Four days of pure awesomeness. 8)

Carefest was absolutely amazing on Saturday.

http://www.rochestercarefest.org/

Leah and I had an insane time, man. xD We were painting in this room in this house for teens with a lot of potential, but not the greatest living circumstances, from big cities (like New York) to come to Rochester and have a better chance at success and an education, after applying. It's really cool.

And the room looked amazing when we were done. It was so different... it's still being worked on for post-Carefest, but that's okay. :) Leah and I got in a paint fight, and she was MEAN and painted "LOSER" on the back of my Carefest shirt. xPPP

And since we got hyped up on caffeine that day (We had McDonald's iced mochas, and then we walked there for lunch with my mom and the other woman working in the room with us, and had suicides [where you take a drink cup and fill it with a little bit of every single soda on the soda machine]), we stayed up on the phone talking until about 1:40-something AM. And Leah did the math--we beat our phone record, and our record now is 6 hours and 17 minutes. :D

So yeah, that's how it's been in the past 2 weeks. Pretty epic times. :) I am really glad everything's been great. Thank God. :) And I will be missing Nattie greatly this week, as he is going to France. D: But it's alright.

Love you guys! :D

God bless you! :)

<3

Aly

On another note. (Thanks, an "announcement", and some other things)

I really hope you didn't see the almost-post before this. I deleted it. Too much. Right now, I'd like to give thanks to God, and the great best friend He's blessed me with, Leah. She really knows how to listen and be there for me, praying, talking, laughing, listening, joking around--everything. And she's really awesome in general.

And all of you guys are awesome.

Well, I think Nattie and I have some news (I hope you don't mind me putting this in my blog):

We are "going out". ^^' <3

It's really great, and we really like each other, and, as we all know, Nathaniel is amazing. o.o

<333

Last night was the National Day of Prayer. I attended the meeting at one of our churches in a nearby city, and I prayed for an event called Carefest.

(http://www.rochestercarefest.org/)

I've worked at Carefest with my family the past 3 years, and it has been quite the experience. I love it. I really do. We help people with their homes, and various organizations around the city, including schools, churches, homeless shelters, other shelters, etc. It's really great.

Basically, we do service projects of various types, based on the home or organization's needs. Like painting, or staining wood, or building sheds, or cleaning lockers, or organizing things. Things like that, and more tedious work, like replacing appliances, or rebuilding things. Lots of stuff.

It's really, really fun, and it really touches lives out in that town.

It's a great event. :)

And I was honored to pray for it.

Once again, I had some, I guess I could call it, "leader anxiety". Because a ton of adults at church think of me as a leader, meager little me, as a leader, someone to lead the other youth and impact people in big ways. Maybe they get me mixed up with my dad. xP

But, yeah, my dad and I are very similar when it comes to things at church and stuff.

People in his age group (adults, any age, actually) know him. He practically knows the entirety of that town.

And I know a whole bunch of the little kids at church, and some youth group kids.

The youth leaders think that I'm a good influence, that I am really growing in my faith.

I guess I have a fear of flaw-discovery when it comes to other people. They don't really know me. They don't see me in school, when I back up and don't say anything about God when I have the perfect interval. When I'm violent, or when I'm angry, or when I'm sad, or when I'm doubting.

Am I faking my faith when I'm at youth group or youth trips? I don't think so... but they never see the other side of me.

It really was an honor to step up there and pray. And it really makes me feel good to be valued by adults and leaders. It makes me happy when my parents say they're proud of me, especially for my faith.

No one's directly pressuring me to be anything, to do anything. It's just... what if I screwed up in front of them?

Sometimes that really inspires me to keep growing in my faith, to be stronger, so I'll always be a good "leader", or so they think. But sometimes I doubt if that's where I want to be.

I want to help people. But would it be okay if I were just behind the scenes, like my mom? The pillar of prayer?

But I'm all for the communication directly to people, like my dad.

It's all for God's glory, and if I'm gonna be out there, if He calls me to be there, I will be.

Bu sometimes I worry. Really hard, about what I'm doing. I don't think any of the kids even really think me a leader; just the adults. I'm okay with that, but I do worry.

They don't know me like my friends do. My parents don't know me like that.

Sometimes I have that little rebellious instinct, just to go and do something stupid just so they'll stop thinking I'm so good. But that wouldn't be right either.

I guess it's something I'll just have to let go of, bring in to God, let Him handle it. I've gotta live like Jesus, and Peggy. She was not all up front, but she touched lives through friendship and kindness. But that's just how God used her for the good of His children. Wherever He wants me to be, I'll go.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0ihxvCyrWM)