I'm sorry, but this blog baby has been taken by blog protective services due to severe neglect.

First off, I'd like to say, YOU PEOPLE ARE AMAZING TO STILL BE READING MY BLOG AFTER I'VE SEVERELY NEGLECTED IT.

Which I now do consistently.

I am so, so, so, SO, sorry, guys. Commenters (sp?), you are amazing.

Thank you so much for sharing your opinions of my blog, and for being very encouraging. You guys are all great.
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So, I don't really feel very inclined to talk about political issues right now, though I did write some interesting poetry on Facebook today after coming home from a half-day at school.

Other than that, I was just looking over old blogs, gmail chats, and emails. Particularly the things that had to do with my totally screwed dating life as of last year.

I never really have been on what I've called an "official" date, but I suppose I've "dated".

I've had boyfriends.

I can't believe I'm talking about this right now. Just rereading what I did, my gosh. I suck. I sucked as a girlfriend, I sucked. I was terrible.
Whenever I look back in my middle school past and think of times when I didn't really like my life, I always looked to sixth grade, where I was pretty depressed and at zero self-esteem.

And now I realize why I don't like touching seventh grade again.

What I learned in sixth grade:

I am not alone.
I don't need to be miserable.
SELF-INJURY IS BADDD.
EATING DISORDERS ARE NOT GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH.
(btw, I never actually tried those things; I just contemplated them quite frequently.)
Helping others is amazing.
God is there for me, made me, and He WILL always be there for me.
God really DOES save your life. (literally, He did, does, and will continue to do so.)

Seventh Grade:
I guess I just learned how to be the worst possible girlfriend on the face of the planet.

After I read "For Young Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhan and Lisa A. Rice (lovingly coined "the guy book" by my friends and I) for the first time, I realized how many mistakes I'd made that probably put down guys I knew very much. More particularly, a certain guy formally coded "Jared" on this blog.

Man.

I was really, really, REALLY, terrible. It's not as though he was a perfect guy either, but, still. We were friends. He liked me. I consider myself to be the worse side of the so-called "former 'dating' relationship".

Not only did I badly hurt Jared, but probably Mark as well. And I was totally OBSESSED with Mark. I had Bella Swan syndrome for this guy! (Actually, more Edward Cullen syndrome... without all the suicide and crap; more Edward because I seriously considered and thought about marrying him in the long future that I thought could have stretched ahead of us.)

How naive is that?

I don't know...

But now, with this uber-suck crush on Sam #1, I just... it doesn't make any sense to me. I have practically no reason to like him. He isn't all that nice to me, and it's apparent I annoy him, a lot of the time, conciously.

I've decided to officially put away that crush crap right now.

I just can't do that to another guy, being friends is a better idea to me right now. After all that happened with Jared and Mark last year, I know it's best for me not to have a boyfriend for the simple purpose of liking to have a boyfriend. Because that's shallow.

And "love", I guess, shouldn't just be about emotions. I was sooo obsessed with emotions back then.

And though I'd "love" to just have a boyfriend right now, because it "feels" so good to, and though I'd "love" to really find the "one", (I doubt and confuse my own motives a ton) I'd also love to just "be in love."

Buuuuuuuuuuuut... None of those definitions fit this one exactly:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8


I really do like all of my friends, female or male. And I think, as difficult as it would be, especially for someone like ME, I should keep my guy friends just friends.

And thank you so much, to one of a really, really, great guy friend of mine, who I think would be a totally amazing boyfriend/husband to some lucky girl one day, for encouraging me and talking to me today, Nathaniel. You are so totally awesome. Seriously.

And to my female friends out there, thank you so much for putting up with me even when I'm an emotional/hormonal mess. You people amaze me. XD :) You are the best friends I have ever had, and I thank God for you every day.

I love you all,

God Bless,

Aly.