OMC AN EXACT 2 MONTHS SINCE MY LAST POST!!!

Once again, I start with an apology. I'm really, really, REALLY sorry for not posting. I am REALLY not good with all this irregular posting, guys. I'm sorry. :(

*hug* You guys are still totally awesome for reading my blog.

Anyways, April 20. Things about today:

-It is the anniversary of the Columbine shootings
-It's the day I can go back to phone roleplaying with my friend
-It's... April 20th.

I have this book that has this story of Cassie Bernall from before she became a Christian again and everything, and it was written by her parents, and... *sigh* It was really good, but really sad. The whole situation is really, REALLY sad. That all those kids had to lose their lives that way. And the many more who have since then.

The roleplaying thing kind of pales in the Columbine situation. I really don't just wanna brush over that, but I sort of do. It reminds me of when I watched Hotel Rwanda for school, and how the UN got only the European/American/etc. tourists out and themselves to cover themselves up and didn't help the Rwandans until so much killing had already happened.

It's all incredibly sad, all of that. *sigh* I pray that the survivors are all doing well.
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Continuing from my last post, I do think I'm done with liking Sam 1. He's got a girlfriend now, and she's nice enough, and I just don't think I can keep on going with that. Weird stuff happened (as in, his dad came over and talked to my dad over Sam 1's behavior, which isn't very nice or appropriate toward me and various other people), and I'm trying to just think of him as a regular person again. Not a "cardboard cut-out" of eighth grade crush. A guy who could be my friend, a guy who might be struggling with things that don't ever surface out from his crudely-humored shell at school. I'm trying to do that with all of his... friends... as well.

*sigh*

Easter.

Easter was pretty awesome. I loved my church service, and the song that one of the women in the church sang:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6LGSzNW9xU

It was sort of obvious that they were reaching out to the people who DIDN'T believe in Christ exactly, during the sermon. But I was okay with that.

I've been thinking a lot lately. The past couple of weeks, I thought too much. I really just... I had a bout of questioning. Lots of it. But I'm done with that. I don't mean to offend anyone with the song or what I write or anything. I really just know in my heart, that God is there. And all his laws are righteous and true.

Things that have spoken to me/inspired me/made me think/made me hopeful/etc. lately (within past week/Sunday/etc.):

-Post on one of the ASN D&D boards about "throwing stones" (like in the Bible, how Jesus told the crowd who were going to stone an unfaithful woman or something, and said "He without sin may throw the first stone", and how no one could...) It was kind of humbling, I think. I realize I'm too critical and overly "conservative" sometimes. Loving the sinner and not the sin has been easier said than done lately, to be brutally honest, which is a bad thing. And I can't be that way.
-The former atheist woman who shared her testimony to the Sunday School class yesterday. She was awesome... really awesome. People can be transformed so much.
-My Youth Pastor, even as he was getting somewhat "let go" by the church. He really knows what he's talking about. And he's so God-centered on this. I followed his struggle through my dad, who talks to him a lot. And he seemed so encouraged, so sure, of God's direction, so trusting, so faithful, even in such a difficult "season" as he's now put it. I thought that was pretty awesome.
-Leah's confirmation homework for confirmation. What (I think it was Martin Luther...) wrote about temptation:
"Casts doubt on revealed word (I say "Truth" in place of revealed word for some reason...)"
"Contradicts revealed word"
"Counter-promises revealed word"
It's really true, is what I've found... the way Satan works in temptation, the way temptation, even through ourselves, goes... it's pretty deep, pretty real. I've seen it. Every time I've gotten tempted to believe something that's wrong, that's just the way it goes. o.o
-People just being nice to me. Sam 1 being able to talk to me like a friend at Youth Group, and then not as much at school. But it's okay-ish.
-My dad mentioning again how the adults at my church think I'm a leader, a good encourager, a caring person... sometimes I feel like I don't fit that at all. And I never feel like I do. But knowing people see me that way, usually it scares me... but it really makes me want to keep aiming high. Not only because I don't want to fail them, but because I really want to care. And I really want to follow where God wants me to go, and be a good example to my friends and youth group members. And I can't let God or them down.
-How I've really been blessed with a gift, apparently. Even when I don't see it.

And that's about all I think I'll say for this post. God bless you all. Jesus loves you too.

You guys are pretty awesome. Love ya all! Talk to you soon. :)