I might just blog all night... (My personal problems because I actually have some! *ventpost*)

Twilight Coding

Jacob= Jared
Bella= Me
Edward= Mark

Jacob is speaking with me again tonight.

I wish there was something I could say... honestly, I'm bad at this now. I think I ruined everything... no, I know I did. I've been doubting myself a lot lately, and though I know it's unhealthy, and I KNOW I can help it, and I know it's not true and unhealthy to think like this... but, I feel like I can't help it really.

And... I just...I'm beginning to think my social/brain skills are like, degenerating. I keep treating people like patients, not friends. You know how I want to be a psychologist? I'm thinking like a PSYCHIATRIST. And I'm being analytical. And in the logic sense, not just my typical emotional kind.... I just... I feel like I don't know what to say anymore, without conforming to others and sounding perverted (laughing at the typical innappropriate jokes, or saying my own... that belong on TV-14 animated sitcoms that pop up all the time in the seventh grade nowadays... or worse.). It's not good... but... I'm also just falling behind in my own head... I just... I'm becoming colder too. Distancing. And... I need to start excercising more, but... yeah... *sigh* I'm comparing myself to other people too (girls in particular; girls who are ridiculously skinny and in sports and actually don't blog all night instead of sleeping.) I just... It's ridiculous. I'M being extremely ridiculous.


Well, anyway... on a not-so-much lighter note... *this IS the venting post, you know...*

I'm just gonna say, because it is wrong for me to 'gossip', and/or specifically say what my friends have been doing to themselves/saying/joking about/threatening to do/not so joyful home lives... I'm just gonna say a lot of the people I'm close to are going through hard times.

*sigh* And it hurts me to watch. But I can't leave them.

I'm praying... I know God will pull through for me. I've doubted before, but I won't doubt him anymore. He's true. The one unchanging part of this world, of this faith that we have. He's true.