Randomness (I need sincerity, not selfishness)

I am no longer depressedish at the moment. But I really do need to get my focus back on God... first off, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR COMMENTING, AND AWARDING, AND BEING SO AWESOME AND FRIENDLY AND AWESOMELY. *hugzyouall* I congratulate dibsy and Leanne and Nathaniel and Ella, Manga Dork, Sierra, everyone else who commented, and bright sponge, for leaving such kind, encouraging words. :)

So today, I finally helped out with the elementary kids' Sunday School thing for during the second service at my church, for the first time in three weeks. Yeah. Two little girls just jumped on my lap and sat there until I had to get up to lead the worship thing... though I called up a ton of kids. Apparently, there was a shortage on more helpers than just I, during my absence, and on the fullest day of King's Kids (what the program is called), it was only me, and the youth pastor... so we had a couple of 4th and 5th graders help me out with snack and stuff. It was awesome, actually. They actually work harder than the teenagers and I when we normally lounge in the small classrooms where we put snack on the tables during the lesson video... and they enjoy it! I think it makes them feel important... I know I liked handing out stuff like that when I was younger...

Anyway, it was pretty cool. This one kid and I, XD, we pretended to have this hardcore, action, awesomesauceness Avatar battle. xDDD I love kids... he was like, my brother's age, so yeah... probably younger. But it was fun.

Another great thing about (at least THESE 4th and 5th graders, unlike my brother), was that they didn't talk about anything disturbing, or weird music that my teenage friends and I like... though I really miss them.

And I don't know what is going on with Macy's family... I really hope they're all okay... *sigh*

I stayed at my dad's lunch meeting with the outreach ministries peoplez. He wants to teach a class about evangelism, and not a really-super-icky-uber-complicated-logistic-type one, he want to do a practical one, that doesn't force people to talk, and everything. I think he's got a good plan... I like listening to adults discussing things like that. And their introductions. My dad was all like talking about me at one point, and acknowledged me being in the room and the fact that I kept bringing my friends to youth group this year... and how I have a servant's heart and everything. And here I am, sitting here, drawing the Cullens, and listening to the conversation, while eating that waaaaaaay too dressed broccoli (sp?probably...) salad, with bacon strips and all that... so healthy. o.O (I didn't finish it... ate too much Chex Mix during King's Kids...) Man. I really never feel like I'm meeting up to what people say about me.

But seriously.

On the mission trip, I was amazed. One of the leaders for the YouthWorks trip, the oldest one, the 23 year old, she gave me a 'Rox my Sox!' (a time during 'Club' meetings, where we tossed a pair of the leaders' socks... so enjoyable, right? and tell about something that was really awesome someone in our group had done, or that we admired, or were impressed by...). I was so amazed. Seriously. :'( It was amazing...

I gotta live up to this. But it's not really peoples' expectations that should run my life... but I SHOULD be a servant. I should have that heart. That's what God wants me to have, so I should do it. As much as I possibly can. I should serve others. I should listen. Care, genuinely care, and not care about looks or pasts or anything... just care for and love these people. Everyone... show them kindness...

Gahhhh meehhh neehhh rawrr aaaaagghhhh errrgh. *headdesk*(rant/angst/item/thing?)

Earlier tonight I declared that it was emospazzing night! Hooray! You know, the night when I emotionally beat myself up for being stupid toward other people, and not knowing how to handle things... I feel like I've stepped back one hundred steps from my empathy and sensitivity toward people... I feel horribly guilty for not calling people who probably needed someone to talk to. For not caring as much as I should. For dismissing things that people did that needed to be addressed. For not being a supportive friend...



Well, I WAS just feeling better, but my happiness level went down a bit from pointing out negative things... dam_, erm... dang... you pessimism...



Anyway, I am feeling okay now. Because I can darkly poke fun at my own problems, which means I have issues right now. *headdeskheaddeskheaddesk*



Lord, forgive me.



One of the Sam's was telling me about how great reading the Bible was. And I was AMAZED by how he'd changed again, just from reading the Bible. I am so glad he's doing so well right now... his faith is incredible. I admire him.



I was truly amazed. God really works in our lives... So much. I've gotta let him in...



Even when I'm misunderstood, or when I'm doing anything wrong... and when I don't know what to do for people. I want to take those 100 steps forward again... even though it's probably going to take some work, if I don't focus. I just know that God is always there no matter what... So I'm going to have to give it all to him.