The Union of Dark and Light has no place.

I'm gonna write this in poem format. Screw organization and a 'narrow and manageable' subject. It's just easier to write a ridiculously long 'freeverse' sometimes... as you may have noticed I've done... several times before.
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I don't know how or why
But maybe I do
The lady who threatened suicide
Because her son was an atheist
She was terrible,
Teaching him to sin already!
Saying things no better than her poor son.
Love and nurturing him back
The prodigal
That was what she needed to do

But now I understand
Why she said what she said
Why she thought what she thought.
Lord, Lord forgive me
For ever thinking that way.
You put me here to love and show people your light.
Not fall into the darkness.

The darkness is all around me.
It is just too much.
Last night, it almost seemed worthless.
How could I fight all of this?
How would I last?
When no one truly believes...
Lost faith in people, slowly losing faith...

In You.

I never want to do that.
I never want to be so selfish.
Thinking of my family and friends,
They need me.
No, they need YOU. But,
You might be using me
To bring them to you.
God, forgive me.

If the country falls apart, bless us please.
If I screw up, please forgive me.
If they screw up, may they see Your light and confess.
Despicable thoughts that entered my mind.

Lord, forgive me for them.

Only once had they come before.
And it was only because I thought I was hated.
And none of that was true.

God, You surround me with so much love.
Forgive me for being so selfish.
Forgive me for thinking of murdering this piece of Your creatiion.
It was I, I would hurt, and yet, the others would grieve.
And I would be lost, forever.

And I never want that. Lord, please, please forgive me.
Never.
Lord, I value you. You love me. Lord, I love you.
I love the people you put me with.
I love even the sinners.
I try to discern.
I want to be Yours.
And I want them to be Yours.

Your unfailing love, Your love, Your kindness, compassion.

Your mercy, Your grace.

I need it, they need it.
Lord, You forgive. You are amazing.
To think that the Creator of the earth, the stars, the world, everything
Would take time to listen to me.
Lord, You only let me fall to my knees.
And I praise You. For loving me, even in the worst thought of sin.

Lord, I know You forgive me.
Lord, I trust You.
I know Your will is so much bigger than mine.
The plans for my life, You held, even before my birth.
You will not forsake me.
Forgive me for ever forsaking you.
Lord, I truly give You my life.
I will do as You command me.
Because You are God, You are awesome.
Thank You, Lord.
For saving me.

Last Blog of tonight (What I need to remember daily)

Things for me never to forget

The Lord is always there for us.

He made the world, he loves us, he loves me.

You don't have to tell everyone what they want to hear just to make them happy.

Don't put yourself before others.

Sacrifice yourself ONLY for God.

Do not give up everything to keep everyone else okay.

Don't fake it because you're upset and make everything worse.

Don't make huge lies that always get found out and always be honest.

Be honest, but not rude.

Ask God for guidance in EVERYTHING.

Pray for everyone every night.

Prayer is the most powerful weapon.

"Love Thy neighbor as thy self."

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him for he will make your paths straight."

"For God so Loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, so whoever believes in him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life."
-John 3:16


<3

A Random 'Short Story?' What Love means to me

I was obsessed with writing Avatar: TLA romantic fanfictions that were so incredibly predictable and cliche and yet well-loved on Nick.com in late fifth grade. Yup. I loved the show, loved the canon ships. Then I liked Zutara.

Shipping, fanfics... never, never even close to what a real romantic relationship is.

As I grew older, I began rewatching those PG-13 romance comedies I didn't get when I was younger that I liked to watch anyway again. And I 'fell in love' with those movies again. And now I understood them. What the world thinks is love: sexual relationships, a whole bunch of cliche meetings, a real dependency on another human being to keep you on this earth; it isn't right either.

When I got involved in 'relationships', I was way too young, and you know what? Nobody honestly 'dates' when they're in sixth grade, even though some of my friends got in... really serious relationships when they were even younger, but you know what? No one really understands the concept yet. I flirted with some guy, and I was desperate for a boyfriend. So I dated them. I broke up with one, and I didn't even do it directly (had someone else tell them that), and then I went and did the same with the other guy. (Mind you, these weren't at the same time.)

This wasn't love either.

Middle school relationships should last at MOST 2 weeks top. But, that's not true anymore... at least for people who SOMEWHAT have a grasp on romantic love. Parents (at least good parents...) don't want their kids getting so involved at such a young age. Everyone's young and vunerable when they're... below the age of at least 28, but hey... everyone does it. That doesn't make it right though.

Going out with a best guy friend through the summer and never 'officially' breaking up with him: not real love either. Even though it felt so good... running around the library, chasing each other, giggling with each other, the notes passed in English. It was truly beautiful. I loved it... It was sweet and fluffy and cliche. Just like a movie...

Well, maybe it was real love. Love is friendship, romantic relationships, family love.

At a young age, we begin to comprehend things. As we get older, we're still the same. We're just comprehending 'more complicated things'. Like why the world is the way it is. As a Christian child, we learn what sin is. We learn what's right and wrong, we get sent to school, and our faith gets challenged all the time. We struggle to do the right thing. We search for ourselves, we search for other people, we get lost. Just like everyone else. God is the one who loves us. He created us, he created the world, he knows who we are, he made everyone and every beautiful thing around us. But we stray... and we have idols.

Meeting a guy at a youth trip doesn't make him a perfect Christian. Christians are humans. We make mistakes, we all sin... and, we all have moments where we're either mean to other people, or, we tear ourselves down. Sometimes, we get lost in little dreams and fantasies and our mental love story novel; mine was perfectly imperfect. Girl meets boy, boy who has some sort of problem that just seems terrible, and this boy is sensitive and listens to the same kind of music that girl listens to... girl helps boy overcome problems and girl and boy fall in love despite all conflict and... live as well as they possibly can together and love each other truly. Well... maybe that story lacked a lot. But when boy in real life meets girl in real life who doesn't have the perfect skill that can magically heal hearts and say the right words and speak comprehensibly all the time.

Girl obviously didn't expect that boy would be constantly holding her hand, which she liked... and then putting his arm around her waist. Something she didn't expect. And, boy who was probably... slightly overdramatic? Or maybe actually had a reason for what he said... but girl was extremely scared when boy told her his girlfriend held something against him. Girl is paranoid, and girl comes up with the worst possible reasons why this would be. Well... Girl learns that Boy never did anything wrong and he couldn't possibly hurt a fly. And girl firmly 'trusts' boy, even though she feels as though they go too fast too much... girl wants to be with boy more often, wants to talk to him, wants to call him all the time... Boy is not as socially forward as Girl. A little bit of a clash. A planned kiss on a ski lift. At least in Girl's mind. She didn't have too much guts just to kiss him on the cheek, even though she did... and then he kissed her on the lips. And maybe just a little too far... she didn't expect it. And her first kiss wasn't what she expected. It was rather awkward, and Girl talks too fast when she tries to explain why she broke the kiss... so quickly.

Boy thinks he hurt her.

Girl wishes he would talk to her and stop thinking he was doing something wrong... no matter how many times she'd said it, she knew in her heart that he wouldn't believe her. She would have been the same way...

Boy has stress at home.

Girl doesn't know what else is going on. She wants to know because she cares. She doubts herself too much. And so does Boy.

They end up breaking up. Or at least Boy does. And he still doesn't feel any better.

Girl is clueless and doesn't know what to say to Boy in order to fix everything. Multiple messages on Boy's cellphone don't do much, and an endless freeverse email filled with emotion doesn't do much... Boy regrets the breakup, girl reciprocates, yet Boy still feels... that he can't handle it. Girl... isn't heartbroken. Girl wishes she would've said more, even though she thinks she may have said too much.



Love... is all of this, and none of some of it. Love is the friends who talk to you when you're feeling down, and the people you call when you're dorkily spazz-happy and when you just want to rant and tell them everything. Love is your mom and dad, or whoever is a parent to you. The ones who teach you right from wrong, and make you who you are. The people you can talk to and trust and love you for you and would never reject you even when you're all struggling to keep your heads on straight. Love is that annoying younger sibling who secretly looks up to you and learns (negative and positve) everything from watching you as a kid. That annoying younger sibling whom you give your 'words of wisdom' to about their 'future'. The one you tell to get out of your room while you're on the phone. And yet the one you wouldn't know what to do without. Love is the guy who shows you true love. And isn't just in it because they think you're hot, or because they want to get to another girl through you, or because they were dared to ask you out. It's hard to find an honest-to-goodness good guy in the world we live in, but... there are men out there who truly love women for who they are, and who they are in God. And who have morals.

And the most important of all... God's love. God's love, is extraordinary, and no other love can top it. He CREATED us. He loves us, even though we sin. So much, that he sent his son to earth to DIE for our sins, so we could come live with him in Heaven. He created the earth, and he heals us and comforts us when we are wounded. His love is incredible.

That is what Love is...