Me and My Flaws and Jared and My Brother and God and life and math tests

Let me start with Districts, the Christian conference I went to in Duluth this weekend. It was really, really awesome. I did learn a lot. I've gotta learn how to defend my faith better though. And... just learn how to be more consistent in my actions and what God wants me to do and who He wants me to be. I need to be more patient, less critical, less... erm, sometimes crudely humored. That's just an inconsistency thing. The whole James chapter 3 thing, taming the tongue and all that... important stuff.

Also, gotta be less judgmental... less quick to talk... less hypocritical...

I know it sounds like I'm just listing off flaws, but you know, it's better for me I think, to think of what I need to improve and how than just... sit and wallow in it. I used to do that all the time.

Need to read my Bible more consistently. Definitely that one. .-.

Okay, Districts peepz didn't tell me that exactly, but that's just what I think I need to change. I might talk about getting there a little later. (My hypocrisy coming out there... xP )

Soooo... today.... standardized/statewide/whatever test for math. xP I screwed up on a constructed response question (where it's open ended and you have to fill it out yourself and show your work and stuff). So that kinda sucked. But it was okay.

My brother and "Jared" sorta kinda fought today. Jared is a jerk. xP My brother can be annoying and obnoxious to the eighth graders, but gosh dangit, he jabbed him in the neck with his nail and Jared punches him! Little.. little... person. *sigh*

I'm glad he got sent to the principal's. And my little bro's alright, it's just... *sigh* Stupid Jared.

Sam 1 sitch is getting kind of resolved.

Man, I'm so dang weird... just the way I talk.. what I say. I want to be able to reach out to people and share what's right and true and all that, but I hold some of it back and blurt some of it out during school. Most of the time when I keep it to myself, I feel like I'm doing something wrong, and when I say what I do, it sounds like I'm not saying it right... and I probably am not. Seriously.

I need to learn how to just... care. And just listen.

My friend/our leader in the room my little group had up at Districts, Chrissy, she's about... late 20's somewhere, but she's so cool. She's really awesome, really God-minded, and she understands everything I tell her. We had this great conversation about things and... she really understands.

I'm still struggling with just learning how to listen and not talk with my various friends who have various struggles in life. It's hard... I'm just... I talk too much, I'll put it there.

Like even Leah and I. (I hope you don't mind me mentioning you). She can be kind of quiet sometimes, but she's a really great listener. And I'm a good talker when it comes to good friends. So we have a good thing going when we're having conversations, though we try to balance out the talking/listening now. It really helps me sometimes.

But more than once have I been asked just to listen, and talked about by adults when I bring up my own personal "issues" with my modes of talking too much, about how I need to just... listen and let people vent sometimes.

I'll suck as a psychologist if I don't, as well. But right now, being a good FRIEND is what matters.

And that whole "psychologist" thing gets in the way too. Because I sometimes analyze my friends and their problems in my head, and then I talk, and they don't want advice... which tunes right back into the listening thing. I'm so... urggghhh grrrrrrrr.

So there's my first thing to improve:

LEARN HOW TO LISTEN AND WHEN TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT (better)

and

LEARN WHEN TO EXPRESS OPINION/VIEWS/WHATEVER/ETC. AND WHEN NOT TO

And really, prayer is a big thing too... I went to an eight-hour prayer conference/rally/thing, where this guy who is joined in this group for praying for the country spoke at my church.

There was a river that ran through a village in Africa, that was poisonous and white, and when the people prayed for it, and lived rightly for God, the river went clean and clear.

But only in the segment that ran through the town.

Okay, you can say that it's a coincidence, but I won't. And I never will. Prayer is powerful, speaking to God, it's really powerful...

Things I've Learned from Various People and the Bible about prayer:

-Prayer must and can be honest, to a T. It's okay to have really angry, or really sad prayers. Even Jesus prayed this way at some points("Oh God, Oh God, why have you forasken me?" I think was it...).
-The best prayer, though, is one prayed with total faith in God. Like the people in Africa, and the time I gave my dad to God... (I sort of prayed something similar to something I read in the book "Crystal Lies" by Melody Carlson... erm, long story. But God really did help me and him.) Basically, in the book, the main character, a co-dependent mother of a drug addict, lets her son go in her heart, trusting God to care for him for sure, even through all of the difficult, terrible times.

My situation was a little different (not a mother, Dad's not a drug addict...) but it was something worthy of a prayer like that. And the peace... the peace that flowed over me when I truly let it go. I knew it was real.

And my dad came home safe and sound that night.

I know God's there. I've gotta work on my prayer life.

I think if I have more to say (which I probably will) I'll put it on another post. You guys are all awesome to keep reading me like this. I love you guys. :) I hope you're all doing well, and thank you so much for being there like you always are. :)

*huggles everyone*