Questions to Various Guys I Know/Wish I still Knew

Questions to Various Guys I Know/Wish I still Knew

How come we used to be able to talk to each other?
How come I've become so confused?
About you and the rest of your kind?
Maybe I've read a book about a guy's brain...
But I guess I've gotta figure part of you people out myself
I really want to know someone
How come I screw up so much when I'm with you?
And a few other people?

Dear first real boyfriend,
Were you really just stressed out, when
You told me you wanted to break up?
And what did you mean?
By wanting to keep kissing me?
What did that other girl hold against you?
Do you really not mind the many questions I ask you?
I'm sorry
If some of my intentions
Were not genuine care at times
And for the things that I did
That you didn't know
It killed me
Just to hear you say
"Maybe you could go with that other guy you were talking about now..."
It killed me.
I want to hear your voice again
So find your dang phone.
I miss you
I wanna be friends.
Thank you for your emails.
I still think about you
At least on a 3-day-a-week basis.
Lately, it's been more...

I don't know why.

Dear guy I currently have a crush on,
I like you now
So do a billion other girls
If we went to a different school, maybe it wouldn't be the same.
But it doesn't matter.
Because we go to this one.
I've known you for so long, yet
You've gone after all these other girls.
Tell me, are you really as cocky as you put yourself out to be?
Who are you?
I apologize for some of these questions, if it insults you...
I know you're more than that, at least on the inside.
I wanna be able to talk to you again, just normal.
No emo comments, no dumb insults.
Just talking.
I'm sorry for acting like an idiot with you a lot
And most likely embarassing you in front of your friends.
I know it's not the greatest thing...
If I could, which I probably won't,
I'd tell you I liked you.
It probably wouldn't work out, especially now
But either way, I hope you find someone who you can stick with that makes you happy.
This goes for all the good guys I know.
And you're one of them, if you would only act more like it.
Don't forget about what God wants your life to be like.
Who you're trying to represent
Don't let peer pressure pressure you into being something you're not
Especially someone who isn't right.

Dear former best guy friend and ex,
Don't you hate those words, because I know I do.
I sound to young to have ex-boyfriends, ex-anythings
I miss you.
I miss us, and by that, I mean just friendship
Anything that isn't fighting
Anything that's nice or innocent
Or not so innocent, but still unable to be cruel
No bitterness
No anger
Nothing.
Just... talking.
Laughing
Joking
Passing notebooks in Target class
I have no classes with you so far
But I still miss you
I don't ask you if you hate me anymore
I realize that you probably don't.
It's just me who thinks that.
Do you feel unattracted to unconfident girls?
There are a heck of a lot of them...
Thanks for sort of trying to make me feel better that one time I talked to you about that...
Just remembered.
I miss it.
Miss it all.
Except for the fighting.
And when I ruined one of your relationships.
I hope you aren't doing to her again...
Just make sure
Whatever relationships you get into
Go well
Care, care, care,
Be kind.
Be understanding.
Don't be stupid.
And try to be Godly, if possible, my friend.
I wish I could really just... talk, to you, again.
It's been so long...
Since we could even hold a conversation.
I'm sorry for hurting you so many times...
You have valid reasons for not wanting to talk me then, I guess.
But I still miss you.
Talk to me again sometime, please...
---

done.

Though It's Father's Day... I keep on dreamin' of stuff father's never want their daughters to go...(i.e. dating, and making out with lead singers...)

Yeah. Not the sick stuff, people. It IS, a Sunday. And yet I'm here. I couldn't go to Sunday School cuz my dad wanted to sleep in today, since it IS, Father's Day, and we were working at CareFest all day yesterday. (Carefest= http://www.rochestercarefest.org/ ) And even with that blog I made yesterday...

I literally dreamed I was making out with Mat Thiessen. Yes, that something year old, about 27, lead singer guy of Relient K... who is like, super, uberly, cute, and rather hawt-ish. I met him in a flippin' parking lot. (My dreams never make sense... at least realistically... ) I was spinning around with my friends, and I was like being a spazzy fangirl, and staring at him dreamily, and so obsessively, and yeah, he said he loved me. (O.o), and then all of a sudden, we were kissing... it was almost, like, in Juno, 'cept we had clothes on. O.eeeeeeeeee. And we were doing anything like that. Just making out. Really.

And yeah. Some dude, who was a singer of a band I just happened to like, saw the concert for last year, for the first time, started making out with me... and the sickest thing was, I think dream me enjoyed it. And he's like, 14 freakin' years older than me!!! O.O

O' course, my daycare lady married a man about 20 years older than her... but she's like, almost sixty, and... yeah. Weird, but somehow, it worked. I think it was her second marriage...

Weird, weird, and more weird. My dreams are messed up.

And yet, I have a boyfriend... and I'm happy with him... and I like him, and all, but... I keep thinking of someone else. And I just talked to them for 30 seconds last night. He never spoke to me, hardly, when we were dating anyway... but... I've been thinking of him so much. (Mark; Jared is Kim's current bf). Constantly. My heart was skipping, just as the phone was ringing. And I was ridiculously happy to hear his voice. T.T Not to mention, I kept watching the Japanese exchange student guy from my church... he's so cute. Though, he's like, at least 2-5 years older than me...

Ugggggggggghhhh.... I am so wrong. And I kept looking at attractive guys at CareFest yesterday... I just kept, watching them, you know. Cuz they were rather hot to me. And it's so WRONNNNNNNNNG. I have a flippin' boyfriend. Why am I so uncaring...?

I like him. I like Jared. But... I don't know why I just don't think of him the same anymore... maybe we waited a little too long to start dating again... *sigh*

I have a snapvine.+random stuffs

Snapvine-

http://www.snapvine.com/profile/R14mGvX1EdyBiAAwSFsPiA

^That es me.

Anyway... yeah. *sigh* I have many unnecessary and random voice blogs+voice blogs that aren't random and unnecessary... but whateverz. I like recording cuz you don't have to type anything, even though I'm not that bad a typer.

I'm going to write up a song/freeverse poem (again) (MY FIRST POST BREAK-UP SONG, EGAD! about... erm... "Mark". *sigh*

I wish you were here
When I watched the sunset tonight
It's a beautiful thing, something that God definitely made
I know it's hard to have faith sometimes, but it's what the world needs
It's what we all need
I wish you knew
How much you mean to me
I wish that I could take away your pain and confusion
I know that the Lord can
But I wish that I could do something more
I wish that you didn't feel like you were going to collapse under stress
I wish you didn't have any stress
It's a selfish thing, really
How much I wish you were here
Maybe it's just for me
Maybe it's for you
I want you near me
And I want to be near you
I still love you...
Humans are imperfect
And even with your 'flaws'
I still love you
I wish you were here tonight
I wish I could hold you
I wish that we would have kissed
Just one more time
Maybe we should've stayed in the church library
And done that one last time
So my first kiss didn't have to be my last with you
I thank you for giving that to me
'Surest Petal' became true
I still haven't forgotten the little things you said and did.
I still haven't forgotten your resemblence to the guy I dreamed about
I still haven't forgotten you.
I still care
I still love you
I know you have a heart, I know that you're not guilty
I know that this isn't your fault, and whatever's going on, it will end
There's a little at the end of every tunnel.
Put your faith in God
He loves you and he's here for you.
He's waiting for your call.
And I'm not more significant
But I'm still here too
I'm waiting for you
Patiently
And if you never talk to me again
Please don't forget what's most important in your life.

*sings* I miss you......


And there's my song/freeverse poem that I could possibly make into a song. *sighz* Thassall for tonight.