I know ya'll pro'lly wanna hear abou the wedding, but... (vent/rantpost.o.e confuzzlingpost)

For starters, the wedding was great. There was an after party for the after party of the after party. All three parties and the wedding were cool. And my cousins pwn you.





Anyway, now to my dumb stupid emotions no one really wants to hear about... okay, maybe I'm wrong...





*hugs* I love you guys. *sigh*





School started today. I missed most of the day, due to my flight coming in.





But everyone seemed pretty nice. And it seems like I didn't screw up my friendship with Jared as much as I thought I had...








Okay, and NOW, to stop avoiding talking.





(Hm, I wonder where my guidance counselor's office is now... the school's office is all like, rearranged... o.e )








Okay.





Combination of sixth grade... and... well, you know what, no. It's all outside school. Everyone's got problems already.





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I was interrupted. By my parents. Talking about a lovely new routine. *sigh* Why couldn't I just let myself be inspired by them and their academic excellence, even though their families were... erm... (put nicely), different than my own.

*sigh*


In so many ways, I'm selfish and self-centered, and vain, and cold. And I create my own problems. And maybe, somewhere deep in the caverns of my weird, screwed-up mind, I just wanna study psychology/psychiatry(yes, psychiatrymaybenow) so I can say I have a mental disorder, get pills, and feel fixed. Actually, that wouldn't even work. If that's what I really think. Which I'm sure I don't... but some part of me... might? Now I'm confusing myself! Maybe I'll just drive myself insane... xPP



Anyway, I'm also either mellowdramatic/sacrificial/right? . I don't know. You know how in the Bible, one of the apostles (I don't remember which... ) speaks about how blessing and cursing come from the tongue. How a stream that produces freshwater cannot produce saltwater, or something similar to that.



I have that. A lot. And it shouldn't be.



It's not just my mouth. It's my mind. I confuse myself sometimes. I try to figure myself out, when a part of me knows the truth, while the others try to think of other things.



I have horrible self-esteem. Some people might not know that.



I hate my body a lot sometimes. I just think I'm ugly sometimes. And it's wrong. God made me. He made everything about me. I should pray more. I should lean on God more. But so many times I get so dang close to falling into that pit of temptation. And it's always within myself. No one else's fault.



No one's ever told me I'm worthless, no one's ever told me I'm fat, or ugly, or stupid, or that I was a bad person. Everyone even says I---
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Gah. Interrupted. More. So, I started this entry yesterday, and didn't finish it, and I don't feel like it.

But, I did feel like posting it. I'm praying for everyone else right now and their beginning-of-school-issues. My issues are dead today. I feel fine.

Meh. So bipolar I am.



Sooooooooo...

Nothing epical happened for me today at school. I finished my homework during school. The schedule's weird, but that's okay.

Hot N Cold by Katy Perry is addicting. o.e Gawsh, I hated her first single... but she's so contagious! D:< GAH!

Anyway... yeah. *sigh* Love you guys. God Bless. :) Sorry for this confusing entry. I just really wanted to update for you all... even though you probably didn't want to hear me angst on here...