A series of ridiculously long poetry/let-out-emotional-stuffs-poems

Mood rings would go insane
Emotions, do they change?
Remembering bad times
Like sixth grade
An absorbent sponge of emotional OCD

Obssessive kid with wants for emo
Scarred by what seemed like rejection
Over an obssessive, stalker-like crush
A year before

Oh, self-pity has no benefits
Misery has no joy
You never wanna feel like that
It's pointless, a waste of time

So why spend a while thinking it over?
Mulling it over
On your mind?
Wondering how and why...
Why not drop the past and run?

When do the 'psychological anylasis' techniques run dry?
Why not face the future, keep on moving
Then make everything behind you seem like blood and dust?

Tears, tears, cried
7 seconds that the devil almost took my mind
I ran downstairs and picked up my Day-By-Day Children's Bible

The girl knew to read the Bible with a purpose
The verse she found out of a random opening
It was about loving others, serving others
And the treasures in Heavan she would receive

Oh gosh, she knew
She wouldn't waste her time with selfishness like that
But mulling it over, over a year
Keeping it silent
Away from the parents

Talked to the guidance counselor everyday after lunch
By choice of course, the only person she knew who would do that

Read the stories in the Chicken Soup books over and over
Teen and Girl's editions
Cutting and anorexia and bullimia they recovered from

Diary entries of self-deprecating words
Superheaddesk to her now

Why is she thinking of it all again?!
No, no, she won't let it return
Her friends need her help most
Her own problems shouldn't even resurface
Shouldn't even HAVE a surface

What is the purpose of this poem?
Of this blog?
Self-pity, is it again? Someone else's attention?
Why doubt herself like this?
ARGH, she doesn't want the attention...

The shrink shouldn't have problems
Now, she knows she should turn to the Lord
She needs to keep on praying, and not to listen to the lies

She needs to stop her doubting, and not give into those lies!
Society says otherwise, everywhere she turns!
Online debates tell her no and no and no, and the people
Why do they all not believe in Truth?

Love is supposed to go to everyone
"Love the person, not the sin."
And that is what she tries to do
Strives to do
"Speak the Truth, no matter what."
And that's what she strives to do

But the frustration is eating at her again
And the lies are so much easier
Sinful heart wants its ways to be satisfied
But she can't let it happen

She cries out again and again to the Lord
And He's there
The verse they tell her again and again
The one He speaks to her
"Be still and know that I am God."

Be still, be still, be still...
Brain works on overtime
Hearts are confused
Exchange worry for prayer
Give it up, and don't hold onto what you were supposed to let go
Lay your burdens on Him.

But why does she hold on again and again?!
Time to blast Flyleaf
"You are the Truth,
Outscreaming these lies
You are the Truth
Saving my life"

Put your burdens on Him... like the skit in Sunday school class...

No, no more of these thoughts
Let it all go to Him.
---
Ahem. Second poem thing now. (a series of smaller poems associated into one... big poem-thing...)
-----------
Painfully listening to them speak
About their lives
And then they won't speak
When you think they need it
Seperate patient from friend
They need a listening ear

She's probably busy
Does she need to talk?
I'm not entirely sure.

And then another
Struggling, so much, internally
Not knowing the Truth spiritually

All I can do is keep on praying.

If I'm supposed to speak the Truth,
100% of the time...
I should stop being so intimidated?

Is that the word?
Don't let her own thoughts matter
In telling her what is True.
Do not hesitate to say The Bible is all facts.

Do not hesitate.
Let the Holy Spirit speak to her, like they've all told you is right.
If she does not accept, let it go...
It's all their choice...
You can't change a person's mind.


Don't ever bring up that topic again
In that room.
You saw her flinch when you said the word, mentioned the 'sucky' debate
You and your other friend did online.

Don't ever say that word again.
Even though you didn't mention it directly
Even though it was about those you felt unjust bitterness toward
Due to their bashing of the Truth, of the Bible, of God Himself,
Though you spoke your words because they wouldn't face it in that debate
Don't mention abortion again.

Don't say the word around her.
Is that wrong, to think this way?
To not want to remind of her the pain?
Don't ever say that word again, not around her?
Change your opinions?
Should you?
No... a human life, is a life,
But...
Just don't say it again...


Soft-spoken, shy, desperate?
What does she want in her life?
Self-esteem issues...
But is she a little selfISH?

Who am I to think that way?
When I can be the same...
She quit going to her youth group...
I should've tried to talk to her more about that...
Rather than let myself brush the subject,
To listen to the rest of her crush-story...
Right as she needed to hang up.
-------------
Endy Poem-thing-maybe?
(references 'The Shrink' poem)

Yes, the shrink really sucks at her 'job'
A lot
Not only sometimes
Speak up, she needs to
But sometimes she talks too much...

Balance, she's tried to learn
And she's still got a ways to go

But she plans to keep on going
Keep on praying
Keep on loving
Because that's what she's here for.

--------------------------------------
*breathes*

That feels much better. I love you guys. :) God Bless. :)

I know ya'll pro'lly wanna hear abou the wedding, but... (vent/rantpost.o.e confuzzlingpost)

For starters, the wedding was great. There was an after party for the after party of the after party. All three parties and the wedding were cool. And my cousins pwn you.





Anyway, now to my dumb stupid emotions no one really wants to hear about... okay, maybe I'm wrong...





*hugs* I love you guys. *sigh*





School started today. I missed most of the day, due to my flight coming in.





But everyone seemed pretty nice. And it seems like I didn't screw up my friendship with Jared as much as I thought I had...








Okay, and NOW, to stop avoiding talking.





(Hm, I wonder where my guidance counselor's office is now... the school's office is all like, rearranged... o.e )








Okay.





Combination of sixth grade... and... well, you know what, no. It's all outside school. Everyone's got problems already.





-----------------


I was interrupted. By my parents. Talking about a lovely new routine. *sigh* Why couldn't I just let myself be inspired by them and their academic excellence, even though their families were... erm... (put nicely), different than my own.

*sigh*


In so many ways, I'm selfish and self-centered, and vain, and cold. And I create my own problems. And maybe, somewhere deep in the caverns of my weird, screwed-up mind, I just wanna study psychology/psychiatry(yes, psychiatrymaybenow) so I can say I have a mental disorder, get pills, and feel fixed. Actually, that wouldn't even work. If that's what I really think. Which I'm sure I don't... but some part of me... might? Now I'm confusing myself! Maybe I'll just drive myself insane... xPP



Anyway, I'm also either mellowdramatic/sacrificial/right? . I don't know. You know how in the Bible, one of the apostles (I don't remember which... ) speaks about how blessing and cursing come from the tongue. How a stream that produces freshwater cannot produce saltwater, or something similar to that.



I have that. A lot. And it shouldn't be.



It's not just my mouth. It's my mind. I confuse myself sometimes. I try to figure myself out, when a part of me knows the truth, while the others try to think of other things.



I have horrible self-esteem. Some people might not know that.



I hate my body a lot sometimes. I just think I'm ugly sometimes. And it's wrong. God made me. He made everything about me. I should pray more. I should lean on God more. But so many times I get so dang close to falling into that pit of temptation. And it's always within myself. No one else's fault.



No one's ever told me I'm worthless, no one's ever told me I'm fat, or ugly, or stupid, or that I was a bad person. Everyone even says I---
-------------------
Gah. Interrupted. More. So, I started this entry yesterday, and didn't finish it, and I don't feel like it.

But, I did feel like posting it. I'm praying for everyone else right now and their beginning-of-school-issues. My issues are dead today. I feel fine.

Meh. So bipolar I am.



Sooooooooo...

Nothing epical happened for me today at school. I finished my homework during school. The schedule's weird, but that's okay.

Hot N Cold by Katy Perry is addicting. o.e Gawsh, I hated her first single... but she's so contagious! D:< GAH!

Anyway... yeah. *sigh* Love you guys. God Bless. :) Sorry for this confusing entry. I just really wanted to update for you all... even though you probably didn't want to hear me angst on here...