*dusts off blog* I'M SORRY, PEOPLEZ! ILY STILL!

I'm sorry... D: *hugglefies everyone* I've been severely neglecting this blog and that's very unkind of me.

I'm very sorry. *sniff*

Well... let's see... life.

Umm... face-value, life's been... interesting. Last week, I logged onto the computer, and found out that someone online died. And I was really, extremely depressed about that. And then I found out, the next day, that they were alive. But they had almost died... from their throat bleeding, and they almost drowned from their own blood. *eyetwitch*

I was slightly relieved, but still worried about them. They talked to me though. They had recently been released from the hospital.

The week before, I'd had Leanne and Ella over, and we hung out. Leanne and I acted muffinleh (AS A JOKE), and Ella was all like "I don't swing that way!" Yeah, we have issues whenever we get together. Lea and I stayed up really late speak-RPing with our characters for our OC spoof with all of our characters. Yeah. It used to be humorous, but, it got slightly serious. Still is. It fluctuates. (And Lea and I are the comic relief characters... lately, all we've been doing is eating popcorn and drinking suicides [the drink you make when you put all the sodas from the little resturant soda machine thingeh in a cup]) Yeah. You wouldn't understand... *sigh*

Halloween, I went over to my friend's house, and we hung out and talked and ate caramel apples and pizza and apple cider/Mountain Dew and discussed political issues, American presidential candidates, and stuffs with her mommeh! ^^' Which, I'm actually interested in and very passionate about sometimes. Mostly abortion... *sigh* *isprolife*

Most of you guys knew that though... *sigh*

This, depresses me.

4,000 babies a day get murdered.

^That's just for the US.

Anyway, I'm going to write a poem for the rest of this...


Reaching out to the distant problems
That I have no control over
Lord, I try to let go
I pray, and then I take it back
I pray for my friends
Then try not to think...
Every 'real conversation' about problems
Statistics
People who are near me
Grow farther away
As I think of their issues
Rather than them
As a person.
Sixth grade may have been heck
But I'd rather be depressed and sensitive and emotional
Than obssessed with issues so corrupt and sad over things I can't touch
And cold.
I'd rather give all of my energy to everyone else
Than selfish
"How does this affect me?"
Is not the question I want to ask.
How can do this for the kingdom of God?
God first
He wants my passion to be for others
He wants me to be compassionate toward others
He wants me to be warm
Not distant, cold
Not too concerned with things He'll take care of.

If the world is ending, I can't change that
Revelations says we win.
I don't need to worry
I can still think
Of the world's problems
I can still debate

But I can't save the world
All I can do is try to touch the lives around me
With Jesus Christ's love.
Loving, compassionate, understanding
While yet speaking the truth.
If someone else rejects it, I can't take it personally.
"Dust off your shoes, and walk away."
It's not my job
To change them.

I just have to say.
And I have to pause.
Let God do his work.

I still want wings,
Rather than roots
That keep me on the ground.
I don't want to be judgemental.
I want to show love and light,
The way God made us too.

Speak the truth.
Know it, believe it, accept it.
That is all I need to do.
Love, show kindness, compassion, empathy.
Show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness
Gentleness
And self-control.

That's all I need to do.


Love you guys. :] Talk to ya'll later. God Bless!

~Aly

Rant about Sat., Sun., and Mon.

I'm sorry for being neglective again... I really do <3 you guys. :-/ I shall update on... well, today, at least.

Anyway, Leanne is PO'd at me for putting Lex on our friends' list on our shared MySpace. (I know, isn't it terrible? We have one... D:) I wanted to know more about him. I sorta understand Ella a little more about him, but... :-/ He doesn't always sound like the most wonderful guy out there.

But a girl from my church, erm... Renee (yey coming up with codenames on the spot) is one of his friends, apparently. She was commenting. O: I wonder if my other JA friends know her... (JA= the school Leanne, Ella, Lex, Brenden [various peeps on Leanne's blog], Alicia, etc... go to. ^^' )

Anyvayz, not too much, and a lot of stuff, has happened lately.

Leanne and I hung out with one of my other friends this weekend. 8) Leanne dressed up like an emo kid, my other friend like a goth gangsta, and I dressed up like a hippie... and we walked around my small and loveleh town. o.o

It was... interesting. B-)

Gosh, it had been a while since I'd worn that skirt... heheh.

Anyway, it was pretty cool.

And then the next day, after church, I hung out with Macy at her house, and we went to the mall, and I bought my fantabulous purple hair mascara and electric blue sheer fabric-sewed-over-mesh fingerless gloves with a thumb hole.

(The only person who made an emo/cutting comment was Sam #1 when I wore them today at school. Not unexpected, however. Everyone else, surprisingly, complimented me on them. Including the guys. 8))

Anyvayz...

Yeah. We put on hair mascara in the mall bathrooms and I put on my gloves and yah. It was highly enjoyable.

After our message in youth group, my friends and I (Leanne included) did some random, loud, and fun stuffs in one of the classrooms. B-) This included: drawing and writing obnoxiously on the board, giving piggy back rides to each other, spinning, yelling, singing, etc... picking up the pool balls of the floor, because the little pocket-y things don't hold them well... I think Macy was playing Rock Band then, cuz she didn't follow us. Lol. Anyvayz...

*importantness now!*

Then we went to youth group. Our lesson stuffs for right now is about the different names of God, and how they represent him. This week, we learned about Jehovah. Jehovah was such a special name to the Hebrews, that they would sparingly use it, even in the writing of the Bible. It represents God's holiness, and justice of consquence toward sin, and yet the love that he has for us. Pretty awesome message. :)

*sigh*

Overall, good weekend. :)

I know ya'll pro'lly wanna hear abou the wedding, but... (vent/rantpost.o.e confuzzlingpost)

For starters, the wedding was great. There was an after party for the after party of the after party. All three parties and the wedding were cool. And my cousins pwn you.





Anyway, now to my dumb stupid emotions no one really wants to hear about... okay, maybe I'm wrong...





*hugs* I love you guys. *sigh*





School started today. I missed most of the day, due to my flight coming in.





But everyone seemed pretty nice. And it seems like I didn't screw up my friendship with Jared as much as I thought I had...








Okay, and NOW, to stop avoiding talking.





(Hm, I wonder where my guidance counselor's office is now... the school's office is all like, rearranged... o.e )








Okay.





Combination of sixth grade... and... well, you know what, no. It's all outside school. Everyone's got problems already.





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I was interrupted. By my parents. Talking about a lovely new routine. *sigh* Why couldn't I just let myself be inspired by them and their academic excellence, even though their families were... erm... (put nicely), different than my own.

*sigh*


In so many ways, I'm selfish and self-centered, and vain, and cold. And I create my own problems. And maybe, somewhere deep in the caverns of my weird, screwed-up mind, I just wanna study psychology/psychiatry(yes, psychiatrymaybenow) so I can say I have a mental disorder, get pills, and feel fixed. Actually, that wouldn't even work. If that's what I really think. Which I'm sure I don't... but some part of me... might? Now I'm confusing myself! Maybe I'll just drive myself insane... xPP



Anyway, I'm also either mellowdramatic/sacrificial/right? . I don't know. You know how in the Bible, one of the apostles (I don't remember which... ) speaks about how blessing and cursing come from the tongue. How a stream that produces freshwater cannot produce saltwater, or something similar to that.



I have that. A lot. And it shouldn't be.



It's not just my mouth. It's my mind. I confuse myself sometimes. I try to figure myself out, when a part of me knows the truth, while the others try to think of other things.



I have horrible self-esteem. Some people might not know that.



I hate my body a lot sometimes. I just think I'm ugly sometimes. And it's wrong. God made me. He made everything about me. I should pray more. I should lean on God more. But so many times I get so dang close to falling into that pit of temptation. And it's always within myself. No one else's fault.



No one's ever told me I'm worthless, no one's ever told me I'm fat, or ugly, or stupid, or that I was a bad person. Everyone even says I---
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Gah. Interrupted. More. So, I started this entry yesterday, and didn't finish it, and I don't feel like it.

But, I did feel like posting it. I'm praying for everyone else right now and their beginning-of-school-issues. My issues are dead today. I feel fine.

Meh. So bipolar I am.



Sooooooooo...

Nothing epical happened for me today at school. I finished my homework during school. The schedule's weird, but that's okay.

Hot N Cold by Katy Perry is addicting. o.e Gawsh, I hated her first single... but she's so contagious! D:< GAH!

Anyway... yeah. *sigh* Love you guys. God Bless. :) Sorry for this confusing entry. I just really wanted to update for you all... even though you probably didn't want to hear me angst on here...