I Want to Live Like Peg. (You don't have to comment; please do read)

1 For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. 2 We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. 3 For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies.[a] 4 While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. 5 God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit.

6 So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. 7 For we live by believing and not by seeing. 8 Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord.

~2 Corinthians 1-8
^Peg chose to have this verse read at the funeral.

Today, I went to a funeral. And I'm not even really sad, though I am. I need to grieve with those who grieve, and rejoice with those who rejoice. And we had to do a little of both at the celebration of this woman's life today. Her name was Peg, or Peggy, and she was the wife of the Children's Pastor at my church.

She touched so many lives. Her husband says that she was a true imitator of Christ. He said that she taught him the most important part of life was relationships. And that she had a relationship with God so loving that the love spilled out to those lives she touched.

She wasn't an incredible singer, or a strong leader. She was a friend. She had so many friends, she touched so many lives, impacted them, changed them, even lead some to Christ. She loved them the way He loved us.

She believed that 100 years from now it wouldn't matter what kind of cars people drove, or what kind of houses they had, but the differences they made in the lives of others.

I may have mentioned her way earlier in my blog, when she shared some of her testimony to us students at the "after-party" of See You at the Pole.

Peggy was diagnosed with cancer 11 years ago. Three years later, the doctors said she had six months left to live.

She lived 8 years after. She had cancer all over, but no one would know that just by looking at her. She was an amazing woman, with an amazing legacy. Her legacy being that she was a friend, someone who exemplified God's love with her entire being. She said that God let her have cancer because He loved her very much. A good friend of hers who had been battling cancer when she was diagnosed said that she hoped that her cancer would make her as blessed as she was. Blessed with it.

When they were told she had had six months left to live, her and her husband decided not to focus on healing, but giving God the glory. She lived very long and fully. She was incredible. She had simple wisdom and kindness that touched lives.

She wouldt tell this story from one of her favorite books of a man who was being chased by a group of tigers. In order to escape, he went to an end of a cliff with a vine upon it. He climbed down on it, too late before realizing that the vine only reached halfway down, with jagged rocks below. But then the man saw these strawberries growing within reach. He picked one and ate it, finding it to be one of the most wonderful strawberries he had ever tasted.

She didn't focus on the tigers of her past or the rocks of her future, but the strawberries, the blessings of her current day.

She arranged most of her funeral herself, picked out songs and speakers. And this passage from a book, Brennan Manning's "Wisdom Tenderness", was something written by another woman dying, given to her friend, who was Brennan. It was about how one should not cry for her, but for themselves, to cheer and make a joyful noise because she was home with the Lord.

And that was incredible. Man, she was an amazing woman. I didn't really know her very well, but just reading the compliation of writings from people whose lives she touched, and thinking of how her sharing even touched my own life the way it did... man, she was amazing. She still IS amazing. She's home now, and she has no pain, no sorrow, and pure joy. She seemed so content, even in her difficulties.

When her husband spoke in front of the loved ones who attended the service, he said the things that he wanted us to know about her, and what SHE wanted us to know. Including what honored the most--people coming to know her Lord and Savior. She really brought people to Christ. And that is what she called for. And that is what God used her for--to show His love, to lead others to Him, in a gentle, subtle, friendly, sharing way. That's what people said about her in the booklet. That she never preached or lectured, she was so simply wise, and that she spoke to others sharing God, and loved so much.

She was an incredible woman.

Her husband brought up the question "why". Why did she have to go, if she had done so much, with all that was left? Because, perhaps, God wanted to bring in more Peggy's. That we need more people like her. We can't be like her without having that intimate relationship that she had with God.

I want to be like that. I want to be like her, I want to love God, and love people. Love God so much that the love just flows over. And I want to be gentle like her. And I want to live a legacy, one that impacts the people the way she did. I am not Peg, nor will I ever be, but I want to give myself to God so that He can be glorified through me, the way she did. I want touch lives through Him.

I don't know about you guys. God did give a choice. He knew from the beginning that Adam and Eve would make the choice to sin. But He loved us enough not to leave us completely seperated from Him; that's why He gave His Son, that's why He died on the cross for our sins. For our screw-ups. And that's why people like Peg can exist, can touch lives the way they do. Love people the way they do. Because they have Jesus' love in them.

I want to live like that. I'm aiming for that. I'm giving myself over to God. As completely as I can. I won't be perfect; I can't be. But I will live for Him and for others. That is what I must do. I'll let everyone make their choice, but I pray that I can live like her--show God's love through my relationships, in them. To all, just like Jesus, and how his disciple Peg did.

I NEED TO WRITE!!!!

Screw explanations. (I-I... I mean... yeah, I mean screw explanations. )

I need to write. I just have to. A series of random songs and poems off the top of my head.

Come Home Soon

(v.1)
I hate when I have to anticipate your arrival time
You need to come home soon
This has happened way too
Many times
You need to come home
Call the phone, because I know
You can
The line was busy, but I'm sorry
Come home soon

Every time, since I was a little girl
I'd wait, praying for you desperately
You'd come home, late, or in the morning
For your various reasons
And now it's time for this again
I'm trying not to think that you will come home safely
Because I'm afraid that will jinx what has happened before
I need to give it up to God, and pray that you'll come home
I need to stop worrying so much

(chorus)
But everytime you take so long
Past 8:30, and you're still not back yet
You need to give us a call
I don't care if it's 2 in the morning
When you're out for some wrong reason
Or anything excusable
We all just need to hear your voice
Because we love you
Come home soon

(v.2)
I'm waiting for you to call
I know I shouldn't be anxious
And I know whatever God's will is
It will happen
Please keep driving
Hurry home

Have you called the cell?
Are you on your way?
Where are you?
Did you know one night at home
And during a storm
I don't remember how old I was, but I stared at the window
Sobbing
Not knowing if you were coming home or not
But you still did...

I pray everything's alright
(chorus)

(song ending)
We love you
Come home soon
I don't care what you've done in the past
We still love you
All of us
Your heart is looking toward God
And we trust him to bring you safely back to us

---------
My Personal Jacob (a poem)

We never said those things out loud
The words upon our minds
The words 'I love you'
Or, 'You're Beautiful'
Or anything like that
We were best friends for just so long
And I guess it developed into something else
We tried that relationship once, and it faded
And yet, the feelings went on

But when you took someone else to your heart
I wandered off, and thought I'd moved on
I found someone else
I thought I loved him too
And then those weeks where 'we' fluttered
Things unsure

And then you told me things I thought I'd never hear
And it was hard to say no to you
And every word I said
About love and everything
I meant that
But I'm not sure how I meant it
And then we both were left without boyfriend or girlfriend

And you wanted me
Did I really want you?
I thought about 'him' all the time...
And yet I said yes
A weeklong relationship, we tried again
Your arm around my neck
On a ferris wheel
Next to a friend, who was another girl
Who also previously liked you; one of your best friends
And on a ski lift, I got my first kiss
From that other boy I 'loved'
Next to one of my best friends

I wonder if they were jealous, or nervous, or just weirded out
I don't know myself anymore
Or at least what emotions are
Or what they mean
Or what I'm feeling
It's hard to distinguish anything
When I think about you and him

But my personal Jacob Black, you know I love you too
Maybe not the way you want, and I know for you
It won't be enough
When you joked about six years later, coming to my house
To meet my parents

We would be nineteen
Or at least I would
How could I tear that dream apart for you?
Did you really want that?
I did, though, didn't I?
Do you still want to be my friend?
I received your message
One-liners, no replies
On the chat
Even with the jokes...

Or whatever that is
Are you still hurt?
Is there anything I can do?
What is there I can do?
Please...
I don't want to lose you.
------------
And these lyrics aren't mine...

Broken and Beautiful, by Mark Schultz

There’s a businessman, there’s a widowed wife

A smiling face with a shattered life

A teenage girl with a choice to make

It’s crowded here in church today

And the preacher says as the sermon ends

“Please close your eyes, bow your heads

Is there anyone in need of prayer,

Oh Jesus wants to meet you here”

Cause we all fall short, and we all have sinned

But when you let, God’s grace break in

(Chorus)

It’s Beautiful, Beautiful

Come as you are

Surrender your heart

Broken and beautiful

Well he’d never been to church before

But he came today as a last resort

His world was crashing in

And he was suffocating in his sin

But tears rolled down as hope rushed in

He closed his eyes, raised his hands

Worshipping the God who can

Bring him back to life again

(Chorus)

And it’s beautiful, beautiful

Come as you are

Surrender your heart

Broken and beautiful, beautiful

Come as you are

Surrender your heart

Broken and beautiful

Cause there’s nothing more beautiful at all

Than when His sons and daughters call, broken

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Come as you are Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Come as you are

(Chorus)

Broken and beautiful, beautiful

Come as you are

Surrender your heart

Broken and beautiful, beautiful

Come as you are

Surrender your heart

Broken and beautiful

Come as you are

Broken and beautiful, beautiful

Come as you are

Surrender your heart

Broken and beautiful

Broken and beautiful

Broken and beautiful

Beautiful

((^This song is so incredible. I love it. It is truly amazing.))

I Live For You

(v.1)

Your love is eternal

Your creation is here

Lord, you are beautiful

Your words I can hear

Just when I see that creation

Yet, with all Your power, Your wonder

Your perfection

You love me

(chorus)

You sent Your son to the earth

To give his life

For me

For the world

A gift

We need to accept

To be with you

And that's where I want to be

(v.2)

I am sinful

I live in the world

That has been darkened by sin

And yet, I ask for your forgiveness

And my sins are no more

Your will is my will

Your glory is my purpose in life

(chorus)

(bridge; your love is deep, by Jami Smith)

Your love is deeper than my view of grace

Higher than this worldly place

Longer than this road I travel

Wider than the gap you fill (x2)

(chorus, x2)

I want to go where you want me to

Dear Lord

Your glory is my purpose.

^My first Christian/Worship song I've ever written down.

I Want to Live For You

(v.1)

Even in this world of darkness

The threatens to close in

You are here

You are the light

Even in this place of sorrow

That wishes to swallow us up

You are here

Our comforter

(chorus)

Dear Lord

Your love stretches high and low

Surrounding us

Your life was given for us

You love us so very much

The least I can do

Is live for you

(v.2)

Even when we run from you

We can always come back

Your open arms

Welcome

The prodigals

You're coming back for us

You're calling us to spread Your Word

You love us so much

(chorus)

(bridge)

I want to live for You

I want to live for You

I want to live for You

I want to live for You

(chorus, x2)

I have so much more I need to write right now. SO MUCH. Thank you, Lord!