Yeah, I really do. Thanks guys so much for reading my blog like you do! I just thought I'd update a bit on life (probably gonna get into some more ventlike poetry at some point, though... heh. *sigh).
You guys still rock for reading this when I update so incredibly sporadically.
Well, I have... five days of school left. I have a few assignments left to do, but today was the big day for all the main meat assignments in my main classes, which is very, very good. I am so relieved to be over with all that. I have some english finals and other tests next week, but I'm not so spazzed out over all of that. I should probably be studying though... heh. I don't study much. I get alright grades (A's and B's mostly), but I could study more... things used to come so naturally to me when I was younger, but now... meh.
Ah well. Hmm... Well, it's WAAAY past the date, but my one year Blog-a-versary came around on May 5 of this month, which is almost over.
Other important dates:
My parents' 16th anneversary came on May 25. Weehoo! :D
And... Tommorrow, is my one-month annaversary of dating Nathaniel the Awesome. :)
He is a really amazing person, with incredible writing talent, so kind, so smart, and always, always makes me smile. So thank you Nathaniel. :)
Some other dates:
June 11-14- I will be gone on a girls' cabin trip with some girls in my youth group. We're going up to someone's family cabin and hangin' out there for those four days, and I'm pretty sure it'll be cool. :)
And in July at some point (keep you guys posted later), I'll be going on a trip with my youth group to Colorado, to a cabin in the mountains, for a retreat. It'll be really interesting, so, like the mission trip to Rapid City, South Dakota last year, I might post a bit about that before and after.
And this Sunday, May 31st, I will be going to this radio show's 20th year annaversary "Open House" at one of the churches in the city nearby, where the band that played at Districts Blitz (the Christian conference deal I attended this year, and the last, and the last...) REMEDY DRIVE will be playing.
Remedy Drive is amazing. Just sayin'. Look 'em up cuz they rock. I have two of the dudes' autographs and they are AMAZING.
I love Remedy Drive.
Anyway...
To that poetry I was talking about.
Love you guys! God bless! <3 ^^ :) Once again, I must say, you all rock. :)
To Vent
People apologize after letting out
That explosion they've held in
Loud yelling, screaming, typing
Swearing
Just to let it all out.
But if they've been holding it in,
Well, let them let it out.
It's not good to suppress,
The negative
Emotions that we feel.
To hide the negativity
Inside, and let it boil up
To explode onto someone undeserving, unassociated, and unnecessarily.
Let it out.
There's a listening ear,
Up Above,
And I'm here to.
Let it go, let it out.
Let me know. I won't mind.
You can vent into your pillow,
Your diary, your blog.
Or tell it to a friend,
Willing to listen, without a word,
If that is what you need.
And as I've said, I'm here too,
A friend to talk to.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I guess that's it for today. I don't really have anything I need to vent myself, so... yeah. I love all of you guys! God bless you! <3 *huggles everyone* You are all awesome individuals. :)
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
More poetry.
To the Ones Who want to Reach the Hurting
Hey Mark,
And anyone else,
Who knows what I'm saying.
When you're watching
Your friends' hearts breaking
Hurting, pain, tears,
Anger,
Screaming, bitterness,
Pray for them, hope for healing, pray for healing.
Trust.
When you're watching,
Families ripped apart,
Even if its your own,
Don't give up hope.
Don't carry anything on your own.
You don't need to.
When they need
Someone to hold them,
Be there
With open arms.
Try not
To give advice
At a bad time.
Listen to them,
Be supportive,
No matter what.
Help them,
To make the right decision.
To go farther,
Past the pain.
But know,
As much as it stings,
And burns,
That you do not make their decisions.
That you cannot make them change,
Or make their situations change entirely.
Pray, pray for their lives,
Their hearts,
Families, their friends.
Time may not heal, but God truly does.
All scars can be gone,
And tears wiped away.
Don't lose faith, or hope,
Don't look at them so hopelessly.
Know that you
And they
Have it.
Love them infinitely, unconditionally,
Love them like the Lord does us.
Know you're not alone,
In caring for these broken people,
In our broken world.
We are broken too,
But Jesus makes us whole,
We are hurting too,
But I do not feel hopeless.
Give them love,
Be kind, caring, unconditionally loving,
Speak the words that need to be spoken.
No one is alone.
Hey Mark,
And anyone else,
Who knows what I'm saying.
When you're watching
Your friends' hearts breaking
Hurting, pain, tears,
Anger,
Screaming, bitterness,
Pray for them, hope for healing, pray for healing.
Trust.
When you're watching,
Families ripped apart,
Even if its your own,
Don't give up hope.
Don't carry anything on your own.
You don't need to.
When they need
Someone to hold them,
Be there
With open arms.
Try not
To give advice
At a bad time.
Listen to them,
Be supportive,
No matter what.
Help them,
To make the right decision.
To go farther,
Past the pain.
But know,
As much as it stings,
And burns,
That you do not make their decisions.
That you cannot make them change,
Or make their situations change entirely.
Pray, pray for their lives,
Their hearts,
Families, their friends.
Time may not heal, but God truly does.
All scars can be gone,
And tears wiped away.
Don't lose faith, or hope,
Don't look at them so hopelessly.
Know that you
And they
Have it.
Love them infinitely, unconditionally,
Love them like the Lord does us.
Know you're not alone,
In caring for these broken people,
In our broken world.
We are broken too,
But Jesus makes us whole,
We are hurting too,
But I do not feel hopeless.
Give them love,
Be kind, caring, unconditionally loving,
Speak the words that need to be spoken.
No one is alone.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Some poetry. I'm not even sure I should share these... so be careful.
Contradictory Personality
Imperfections
Imperfections, flaws, things to destroy
Memories to forget
Actions to regret
Things to say and do
Resisting
Holding back
For fear
Of judgment
Thoughts not to be thought
Wrongs not to be done
Roads not to be walked
Words that should not be spoken
Uncleanliness
All over me
I only see
What's wrong with me
And then I see
Too far right
Arrogance may overtake
To cause a fall
And then back again
To the wrong
Again and again.
God forgives me
When I've asked.
God forgave me.
When I let Him in.
I don't forgive myself
That easily.
I don't hold back.
All the time.
When I should,
I say,
What I shouldn't.
Or don't say anything
At all.
Undeserved
Sometimes I can't stand
The words you say
To me
Because they're just too sweet
And to untrue
And you don't know
Who you're talking to.
Maybe you do, maybe a little.
From what I've said
And what you've read.
But not the ugly me
I've been and can be
Inside.
You don't want to meet that girl,
I wouldn't want to tell you.
But would you still say
The words you do
If I let you know,
The worst I've been?
It pains me every time
To see those words,
Words on the screen,
The sweet, the kind, the loving,
Gosh, if you only knew
Who I've been.
Is it just the past?
Perhaps.
We all have regrets.
Even God forgave me, justified me.
That amazes me, amazes me incredibly.
Do you ever feel like the worst person on Earth?
Even when you aren't?
Does it not matter?
It doesn't matter in God's eyes,
When we ask for His forgiveness.
But Dear Lord, You are too amazing.
Far, incredible,
Grace, Mercy, Justice, Love.
How the Lord does that for me, and all who accept Him
Is so incredible to me.
Beyond my comprehension, His love, capacity to forgive.
And I know it's undeserved.
Yet it is His mercy.
Undeserving I am of His grace.
And I feel that way sometimes,
Even to the other loving people of His creation.
Undeserved is every word,
Or so it feels sometimes.
Every Word
Happiness, joy, love
I write.
Smiling faces,
No pain, no comments of the negative sort.
Finding every kind word to say to me.
So much joy I feel from you.
A gift you are to me,
A person who encourages me,
He's got a purpose for everything
And everyone.
And the people who touch my life.
You will not soon be forgotten
I will not let you go,
I won't walk away,
I promise.
If I break it,
Then give me your worst.
Because you don't deserve that,
You deserve much better,
Some days, you deserve better than me.
Touch the sky,
Hear His voice soon, please.
We have a reason that we're here
And the way we are.
And for why we've met
And spoken,
And become this close, this way,
For love is more, always more, than what we can describe.
Beyond impossible boundaries, endless.
The word is not
Empty.
So, let us use it full.
Let us speak it true.
We're young, with futures that may grow apart
Tears gather in my eyes at the thought,
But if this is temporary, let us use love full.
We won't grow apart.
In our hearts.
Not soon forgotten,
Will you be,
When you're so near to me,
Yet so far.
The miles,
Don't matter
To me.
Nothing
Will come
Between us if it's true,
What we say, and what we do,
For each other.
It's too true.
You mean so much to me,
So, so much.
So let us stay close tonight
Even so far away,
It doesn't matter.
Nothing comes between us.
Being realistic doesn't apply,
When I realize
The words you say to me,
So sincere, so genuine.
I am still in awe.
Stay close, even so far,
We won't ever mean "goodbye"
On this earth, for real
Because it won't a be a "good" bye without you,
And we won't forget.
Left a mark, on my heart, forever, through your words.
So sweet, so kind, so loving.
You amaze me.
Imperfections
Imperfections, flaws, things to destroy
Memories to forget
Actions to regret
Things to say and do
Resisting
Holding back
For fear
Of judgment
Thoughts not to be thought
Wrongs not to be done
Roads not to be walked
Words that should not be spoken
Uncleanliness
All over me
I only see
What's wrong with me
And then I see
Too far right
Arrogance may overtake
To cause a fall
And then back again
To the wrong
Again and again.
God forgives me
When I've asked.
God forgave me.
When I let Him in.
I don't forgive myself
That easily.
I don't hold back.
All the time.
When I should,
I say,
What I shouldn't.
Or don't say anything
At all.
Undeserved
Sometimes I can't stand
The words you say
To me
Because they're just too sweet
And to untrue
And you don't know
Who you're talking to.
Maybe you do, maybe a little.
From what I've said
And what you've read.
But not the ugly me
I've been and can be
Inside.
You don't want to meet that girl,
I wouldn't want to tell you.
But would you still say
The words you do
If I let you know,
The worst I've been?
It pains me every time
To see those words,
Words on the screen,
The sweet, the kind, the loving,
Gosh, if you only knew
Who I've been.
Is it just the past?
Perhaps.
We all have regrets.
Even God forgave me, justified me.
That amazes me, amazes me incredibly.
Do you ever feel like the worst person on Earth?
Even when you aren't?
Does it not matter?
It doesn't matter in God's eyes,
When we ask for His forgiveness.
But Dear Lord, You are too amazing.
Far, incredible,
Grace, Mercy, Justice, Love.
How the Lord does that for me, and all who accept Him
Is so incredible to me.
Beyond my comprehension, His love, capacity to forgive.
And I know it's undeserved.
Yet it is His mercy.
Undeserving I am of His grace.
And I feel that way sometimes,
Even to the other loving people of His creation.
Undeserved is every word,
Or so it feels sometimes.
Every Word
Happiness, joy, love
I write.
Smiling faces,
No pain, no comments of the negative sort.
Finding every kind word to say to me.
So much joy I feel from you.
A gift you are to me,
A person who encourages me,
He's got a purpose for everything
And everyone.
And the people who touch my life.
You will not soon be forgotten
I will not let you go,
I won't walk away,
I promise.
If I break it,
Then give me your worst.
Because you don't deserve that,
You deserve much better,
Some days, you deserve better than me.
Touch the sky,
Hear His voice soon, please.
We have a reason that we're here
And the way we are.
And for why we've met
And spoken,
And become this close, this way,
For love is more, always more, than what we can describe.
Beyond impossible boundaries, endless.
The word is not
Empty.
So, let us use it full.
Let us speak it true.
We're young, with futures that may grow apart
Tears gather in my eyes at the thought,
But if this is temporary, let us use love full.
We won't grow apart.
In our hearts.
Not soon forgotten,
Will you be,
When you're so near to me,
Yet so far.
The miles,
Don't matter
To me.
Nothing
Will come
Between us if it's true,
What we say, and what we do,
For each other.
It's too true.
You mean so much to me,
So, so much.
So let us stay close tonight
Even so far away,
It doesn't matter.
Nothing comes between us.
Being realistic doesn't apply,
When I realize
The words you say to me,
So sincere, so genuine.
I am still in awe.
Stay close, even so far,
We won't ever mean "goodbye"
On this earth, for real
Because it won't a be a "good" bye without you,
And we won't forget.
Left a mark, on my heart, forever, through your words.
So sweet, so kind, so loving.
You amaze me.
Friday, May 8, 2009
On another note. (Thanks, an "announcement", and some other things)
I really hope you didn't see the almost-post before this. I deleted it. Too much. Right now, I'd like to give thanks to God, and the great best friend He's blessed me with, Leah. She really knows how to listen and be there for me, praying, talking, laughing, listening, joking around--everything. And she's really awesome in general.
And all of you guys are awesome.
Well, I think Nattie and I have some news (I hope you don't mind me putting this in my blog):
We are "going out". ^^' <3
It's really great, and we really like each other, and, as we all know, Nathaniel is amazing. o.o
<333
Last night was the National Day of Prayer. I attended the meeting at one of our churches in a nearby city, and I prayed for an event called Carefest.
(http://www.rochestercarefest.org/)
I've worked at Carefest with my family the past 3 years, and it has been quite the experience. I love it. I really do. We help people with their homes, and various organizations around the city, including schools, churches, homeless shelters, other shelters, etc. It's really great.
Basically, we do service projects of various types, based on the home or organization's needs. Like painting, or staining wood, or building sheds, or cleaning lockers, or organizing things. Things like that, and more tedious work, like replacing appliances, or rebuilding things. Lots of stuff.
It's really, really fun, and it really touches lives out in that town.
It's a great event. :)
And I was honored to pray for it.
Once again, I had some, I guess I could call it, "leader anxiety". Because a ton of adults at church think of me as a leader, meager little me, as a leader, someone to lead the other youth and impact people in big ways. Maybe they get me mixed up with my dad. xP
But, yeah, my dad and I are very similar when it comes to things at church and stuff.
People in his age group (adults, any age, actually) know him. He practically knows the entirety of that town.
And I know a whole bunch of the little kids at church, and some youth group kids.
The youth leaders think that I'm a good influence, that I am really growing in my faith.
I guess I have a fear of flaw-discovery when it comes to other people. They don't really know me. They don't see me in school, when I back up and don't say anything about God when I have the perfect interval. When I'm violent, or when I'm angry, or when I'm sad, or when I'm doubting.
Am I faking my faith when I'm at youth group or youth trips? I don't think so... but they never see the other side of me.
It really was an honor to step up there and pray. And it really makes me feel good to be valued by adults and leaders. It makes me happy when my parents say they're proud of me, especially for my faith.
No one's directly pressuring me to be anything, to do anything. It's just... what if I screwed up in front of them?
Sometimes that really inspires me to keep growing in my faith, to be stronger, so I'll always be a good "leader", or so they think. But sometimes I doubt if that's where I want to be.
I want to help people. But would it be okay if I were just behind the scenes, like my mom? The pillar of prayer?
But I'm all for the communication directly to people, like my dad.
It's all for God's glory, and if I'm gonna be out there, if He calls me to be there, I will be.
Bu sometimes I worry. Really hard, about what I'm doing. I don't think any of the kids even really think me a leader; just the adults. I'm okay with that, but I do worry.
They don't know me like my friends do. My parents don't know me like that.
Sometimes I have that little rebellious instinct, just to go and do something stupid just so they'll stop thinking I'm so good. But that wouldn't be right either.
I guess it's something I'll just have to let go of, bring in to God, let Him handle it. I've gotta live like Jesus, and Peggy. She was not all up front, but she touched lives through friendship and kindness. But that's just how God used her for the good of His children. Wherever He wants me to be, I'll go.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0ihxvCyrWM)
And all of you guys are awesome.
Well, I think Nattie and I have some news (I hope you don't mind me putting this in my blog):
We are "going out". ^^' <3
It's really great, and we really like each other, and, as we all know, Nathaniel is amazing. o.o
<333
Last night was the National Day of Prayer. I attended the meeting at one of our churches in a nearby city, and I prayed for an event called Carefest.
(http://www.rochestercarefest.org/)
I've worked at Carefest with my family the past 3 years, and it has been quite the experience. I love it. I really do. We help people with their homes, and various organizations around the city, including schools, churches, homeless shelters, other shelters, etc. It's really great.
Basically, we do service projects of various types, based on the home or organization's needs. Like painting, or staining wood, or building sheds, or cleaning lockers, or organizing things. Things like that, and more tedious work, like replacing appliances, or rebuilding things. Lots of stuff.
It's really, really fun, and it really touches lives out in that town.
It's a great event. :)
And I was honored to pray for it.
Once again, I had some, I guess I could call it, "leader anxiety". Because a ton of adults at church think of me as a leader, meager little me, as a leader, someone to lead the other youth and impact people in big ways. Maybe they get me mixed up with my dad. xP
But, yeah, my dad and I are very similar when it comes to things at church and stuff.
People in his age group (adults, any age, actually) know him. He practically knows the entirety of that town.
And I know a whole bunch of the little kids at church, and some youth group kids.
The youth leaders think that I'm a good influence, that I am really growing in my faith.
I guess I have a fear of flaw-discovery when it comes to other people. They don't really know me. They don't see me in school, when I back up and don't say anything about God when I have the perfect interval. When I'm violent, or when I'm angry, or when I'm sad, or when I'm doubting.
Am I faking my faith when I'm at youth group or youth trips? I don't think so... but they never see the other side of me.
It really was an honor to step up there and pray. And it really makes me feel good to be valued by adults and leaders. It makes me happy when my parents say they're proud of me, especially for my faith.
No one's directly pressuring me to be anything, to do anything. It's just... what if I screwed up in front of them?
Sometimes that really inspires me to keep growing in my faith, to be stronger, so I'll always be a good "leader", or so they think. But sometimes I doubt if that's where I want to be.
I want to help people. But would it be okay if I were just behind the scenes, like my mom? The pillar of prayer?
But I'm all for the communication directly to people, like my dad.
It's all for God's glory, and if I'm gonna be out there, if He calls me to be there, I will be.
Bu sometimes I worry. Really hard, about what I'm doing. I don't think any of the kids even really think me a leader; just the adults. I'm okay with that, but I do worry.
They don't know me like my friends do. My parents don't know me like that.
Sometimes I have that little rebellious instinct, just to go and do something stupid just so they'll stop thinking I'm so good. But that wouldn't be right either.
I guess it's something I'll just have to let go of, bring in to God, let Him handle it. I've gotta live like Jesus, and Peggy. She was not all up front, but she touched lives through friendship and kindness. But that's just how God used her for the good of His children. Wherever He wants me to be, I'll go.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0ihxvCyrWM)
Friday, May 1, 2009
I Want to Live Like Peg. (You don't have to comment; please do read)
1 For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. 2 We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. 3 For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies.[a] 4 While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. 5 God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit.
6 So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. 7 For we live by believing and not by seeing. 8 Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord.
~2 Corinthians 1-8
^Peg chose to have this verse read at the funeral.
Today, I went to a funeral. And I'm not even really sad, though I am. I need to grieve with those who grieve, and rejoice with those who rejoice. And we had to do a little of both at the celebration of this woman's life today. Her name was Peg, or Peggy, and she was the wife of the Children's Pastor at my church.
She touched so many lives. Her husband says that she was a true imitator of Christ. He said that she taught him the most important part of life was relationships. And that she had a relationship with God so loving that the love spilled out to those lives she touched.
She wasn't an incredible singer, or a strong leader. She was a friend. She had so many friends, she touched so many lives, impacted them, changed them, even lead some to Christ. She loved them the way He loved us.
She believed that 100 years from now it wouldn't matter what kind of cars people drove, or what kind of houses they had, but the differences they made in the lives of others.
I may have mentioned her way earlier in my blog, when she shared some of her testimony to us students at the "after-party" of See You at the Pole.
Peggy was diagnosed with cancer 11 years ago. Three years later, the doctors said she had six months left to live.
She lived 8 years after. She had cancer all over, but no one would know that just by looking at her. She was an amazing woman, with an amazing legacy. Her legacy being that she was a friend, someone who exemplified God's love with her entire being. She said that God let her have cancer because He loved her very much. A good friend of hers who had been battling cancer when she was diagnosed said that she hoped that her cancer would make her as blessed as she was. Blessed with it.
When they were told she had had six months left to live, her and her husband decided not to focus on healing, but giving God the glory. She lived very long and fully. She was incredible. She had simple wisdom and kindness that touched lives.
She wouldt tell this story from one of her favorite books of a man who was being chased by a group of tigers. In order to escape, he went to an end of a cliff with a vine upon it. He climbed down on it, too late before realizing that the vine only reached halfway down, with jagged rocks below. But then the man saw these strawberries growing within reach. He picked one and ate it, finding it to be one of the most wonderful strawberries he had ever tasted.
She didn't focus on the tigers of her past or the rocks of her future, but the strawberries, the blessings of her current day.
She arranged most of her funeral herself, picked out songs and speakers. And this passage from a book, Brennan Manning's "Wisdom Tenderness", was something written by another woman dying, given to her friend, who was Brennan. It was about how one should not cry for her, but for themselves, to cheer and make a joyful noise because she was home with the Lord.
And that was incredible. Man, she was an amazing woman. I didn't really know her very well, but just reading the compliation of writings from people whose lives she touched, and thinking of how her sharing even touched my own life the way it did... man, she was amazing. She still IS amazing. She's home now, and she has no pain, no sorrow, and pure joy. She seemed so content, even in her difficulties.
When her husband spoke in front of the loved ones who attended the service, he said the things that he wanted us to know about her, and what SHE wanted us to know. Including what honored the most--people coming to know her Lord and Savior. She really brought people to Christ. And that is what she called for. And that is what God used her for--to show His love, to lead others to Him, in a gentle, subtle, friendly, sharing way. That's what people said about her in the booklet. That she never preached or lectured, she was so simply wise, and that she spoke to others sharing God, and loved so much.
She was an incredible woman.
Her husband brought up the question "why". Why did she have to go, if she had done so much, with all that was left? Because, perhaps, God wanted to bring in more Peggy's. That we need more people like her. We can't be like her without having that intimate relationship that she had with God.
I want to be like that. I want to be like her, I want to love God, and love people. Love God so much that the love just flows over. And I want to be gentle like her. And I want to live a legacy, one that impacts the people the way she did. I am not Peg, nor will I ever be, but I want to give myself to God so that He can be glorified through me, the way she did. I want touch lives through Him.
I don't know about you guys. God did give a choice. He knew from the beginning that Adam and Eve would make the choice to sin. But He loved us enough not to leave us completely seperated from Him; that's why He gave His Son, that's why He died on the cross for our sins. For our screw-ups. And that's why people like Peg can exist, can touch lives the way they do. Love people the way they do. Because they have Jesus' love in them.
I want to live like that. I'm aiming for that. I'm giving myself over to God. As completely as I can. I won't be perfect; I can't be. But I will live for Him and for others. That is what I must do. I'll let everyone make their choice, but I pray that I can live like her--show God's love through my relationships, in them. To all, just like Jesus, and how his disciple Peg did.
6 So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. 7 For we live by believing and not by seeing. 8 Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord.
~2 Corinthians 1-8
^Peg chose to have this verse read at the funeral.
Today, I went to a funeral. And I'm not even really sad, though I am. I need to grieve with those who grieve, and rejoice with those who rejoice. And we had to do a little of both at the celebration of this woman's life today. Her name was Peg, or Peggy, and she was the wife of the Children's Pastor at my church.
She touched so many lives. Her husband says that she was a true imitator of Christ. He said that she taught him the most important part of life was relationships. And that she had a relationship with God so loving that the love spilled out to those lives she touched.
She wasn't an incredible singer, or a strong leader. She was a friend. She had so many friends, she touched so many lives, impacted them, changed them, even lead some to Christ. She loved them the way He loved us.
She believed that 100 years from now it wouldn't matter what kind of cars people drove, or what kind of houses they had, but the differences they made in the lives of others.
I may have mentioned her way earlier in my blog, when she shared some of her testimony to us students at the "after-party" of See You at the Pole.
Peggy was diagnosed with cancer 11 years ago. Three years later, the doctors said she had six months left to live.
She lived 8 years after. She had cancer all over, but no one would know that just by looking at her. She was an amazing woman, with an amazing legacy. Her legacy being that she was a friend, someone who exemplified God's love with her entire being. She said that God let her have cancer because He loved her very much. A good friend of hers who had been battling cancer when she was diagnosed said that she hoped that her cancer would make her as blessed as she was. Blessed with it.
When they were told she had had six months left to live, her and her husband decided not to focus on healing, but giving God the glory. She lived very long and fully. She was incredible. She had simple wisdom and kindness that touched lives.
She wouldt tell this story from one of her favorite books of a man who was being chased by a group of tigers. In order to escape, he went to an end of a cliff with a vine upon it. He climbed down on it, too late before realizing that the vine only reached halfway down, with jagged rocks below. But then the man saw these strawberries growing within reach. He picked one and ate it, finding it to be one of the most wonderful strawberries he had ever tasted.
She didn't focus on the tigers of her past or the rocks of her future, but the strawberries, the blessings of her current day.
She arranged most of her funeral herself, picked out songs and speakers. And this passage from a book, Brennan Manning's "Wisdom Tenderness", was something written by another woman dying, given to her friend, who was Brennan. It was about how one should not cry for her, but for themselves, to cheer and make a joyful noise because she was home with the Lord.
And that was incredible. Man, she was an amazing woman. I didn't really know her very well, but just reading the compliation of writings from people whose lives she touched, and thinking of how her sharing even touched my own life the way it did... man, she was amazing. She still IS amazing. She's home now, and she has no pain, no sorrow, and pure joy. She seemed so content, even in her difficulties.
When her husband spoke in front of the loved ones who attended the service, he said the things that he wanted us to know about her, and what SHE wanted us to know. Including what honored the most--people coming to know her Lord and Savior. She really brought people to Christ. And that is what she called for. And that is what God used her for--to show His love, to lead others to Him, in a gentle, subtle, friendly, sharing way. That's what people said about her in the booklet. That she never preached or lectured, she was so simply wise, and that she spoke to others sharing God, and loved so much.
She was an incredible woman.
Her husband brought up the question "why". Why did she have to go, if she had done so much, with all that was left? Because, perhaps, God wanted to bring in more Peggy's. That we need more people like her. We can't be like her without having that intimate relationship that she had with God.
I want to be like that. I want to be like her, I want to love God, and love people. Love God so much that the love just flows over. And I want to be gentle like her. And I want to live a legacy, one that impacts the people the way she did. I am not Peg, nor will I ever be, but I want to give myself to God so that He can be glorified through me, the way she did. I want touch lives through Him.
I don't know about you guys. God did give a choice. He knew from the beginning that Adam and Eve would make the choice to sin. But He loved us enough not to leave us completely seperated from Him; that's why He gave His Son, that's why He died on the cross for our sins. For our screw-ups. And that's why people like Peg can exist, can touch lives the way they do. Love people the way they do. Because they have Jesus' love in them.
I want to live like that. I'm aiming for that. I'm giving myself over to God. As completely as I can. I won't be perfect; I can't be. But I will live for Him and for others. That is what I must do. I'll let everyone make their choice, but I pray that I can live like her--show God's love through my relationships, in them. To all, just like Jesus, and how his disciple Peg did.
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