Ahhh, good ol' internet addiction.
I used to play games on Barbie.com and be afraid to type my name in for a 'Good Babysitter!' certificate for watching baby Kate, or whatever her name was...
Wow, those were the days...
I used to journal.
Now I just blog, really.
I mean, it's easier than hiding a diary, and I never use my actual real full name on the internet anywhere...
But still.
(And I get readers who are pwnsome and awesomely friends! *hugzyouall*)
And... yeah.
I am constantly roleplaying... o.e
Like, seriously. I think about the stories I'm writing with my online friends in our roleplays, almost constantly. And I realize that's unhealthy... but... heh... yeah. o.e *sigh* It's not an 'oh well' situation. I got one of my friends hooked on the roleplay too... heheh. I really wish... alright, I CAN do something. But, that would involve willpower. Which I really need. I mean, God is always here and willing to help, and he wants me to change! But... well, getting comfortable really isn't a good thing, is it? We're not supposed to LOVE life on earth, love the ways of the world... we can't give in to that... *sigh* So I guess I should be changing.
Okay, I know I should be.
Today I feel rant-y. BLAME THE COFFEE!
-Aly-chan
God Bless you all!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Rant about this morning and a whole bunch of other stuff (slightly story style)
*yawn*
Today started out with my brother and my dad heading out to do work together so my mom and I could hang out and get my haircut for the Breaking Dawn release party tommorrow.
And then there was a tornado/EXTREMELY severe thunderstorm warning...
So yeah, I freaked out a bit.
The house never felt so empty and eerie before...
But I kept on praying to the Lord, and my dad called, and we were all good... and they had to cancel plans, however. For my dad's work and all that, reschedule appointments. (He's an adjuster for an insurance company... tons of property damage a few hours, and maybe even a few minutes, away from our house in Minnesota... but he works up north most of the time, so yeah, hours.)
Anyway, he called again. And my little bro and my dad were driving home... of course, my dad kept trying to freak me out by saying: "We're going through some tunnel clouds! OOH! We just got lifted up two feet and brought back to the pavement!"
Yeah. That's great, Dad. Just great.
Anyway, they got home. And I got a mocha iced coffee from 'McDonald's Cafe'. Which, I have to admit, even if you guys don't agree, tasted pretty good.
*sigh*
So then I walked through the rain to get a DVD. The river looks awesome today. The town of ours is so small... so darn, dang, small... but it used to be smaller. I mean, we NEVER had this many cars parked on mainstreet a few years ago, unless it was for some big event. Cars keep driving down, pulling out. Almost running people over...
Ugh. I miss that, sometimes... just the quiet little town. But we are a quiet little town, regardless. Our population has just gone up a bit.
And it's definitely gonna get bigger as soon as they start this plan they have out. It's horrible. There's this place where all these elk are? This elk farm-type-place? Well, they're gonna turn it into a HUGE business place, with this bio-research place. It's gonna suck. This part of town where I'm at, will be the 'old' part of town. And there will be people SWARMING here. Like the city nearby.
This place is gonna be a city.
It's like an extension of the city nearby. (Alright, no one's allowed to stalk me. (or my friends) IF YOU DO I WILL... erm... CALL THE POLICE! Yeah... that... anyway...), Rochester. A large of amount of people who live there, that I know, have parents that work at either IBM or the Mayo Clinic, as a nurse, a technology person, all that.
This is gonna turn into that.
I mean, it sounds great, but the nature... poor elk get to be put in little 'meadow-like' areas spread across the lovely suburbian community they're attempting to create here, with great jobs, and stuff like that. Sure, it's great. The city's expanding, yey!
But the animals are gonna be observed like they're in a zoo. Not that it's any better at the farm right now. But it's like the Indians, taking their land, and doing what WE want with it... I mean, they're animals, but it's still pretty sad to me.
And what's gonna happen when ALL small towns cease to exist?! I'm gonna hate coming here twenty years from now, with tourists and people filling up our streets... do we humans HAVE to just have more and more and more? I mean, why expand?! This place is perfectly fine... I love it the way it is/was. But nature's gonna decline, and small towns will keep growing, until they're a part of another city's metropolis.
*sigh*
Anyway, continuing with this morning...
I got 27 Dresse again. I haven't watched it yet, because Read It and Weep (the Disney Channel Original Movie) was on. And... to be honest, I think I'm an in-the-closet-DCOM-lover. Except for the Cheetah Girls, and when they got rid of Raven... EVEEL PEOPLE. *glares*
Anyway, Read It and Weep is a great movie to me. I mean, it just has a lot of great stuff in it... and it should have had a soundtrack, even though it wasn't particularly a musical. I liked it though. I really wanna know what the song is when Jamie is getting ready for the dance... *headdesk*
Anyway, I'ma keep ranting now...
That kiss. The one between Jamie and Connor in Read it and Weep.
That was what I thought MY first kiss would be... when I watched that movie, I absolutely thought of that. I remembered writing so much and class, how much I could relate to that movie back then. Now I see it through different eyes, but it's still the same. You can't lose yourself like that, pretend to be something you're not, and hurt people... but in the end, you've just gotta get back and learn who you really are, what's right, what's wrong. And it's great to have amazing friends who will always stick by your side, no matter what.
Anyway...
I didn't get the Connor and Jamie kiss, even though it was silently embedded in my head. I didn't think of that at all on that darn, stupid, freaking ski lift...
Oh well. I still won't forget mine. :) Who could?
Anyway...
(I've been saying that a lot lately...)
I really need to get back to my faith. *sigh* I was skimming my teen study Bible (from about 1990-something) again today, and I really need to focus. So bad... *sigh*
I don't wanna stray away...
I was reading one of my mom's devotionals in her 'Our Daily Bread' booklet, and it said "It's not how LONG you live, but HOW you live your life..." and stuff like that, for one of the dates... *sigh* And I gotta live for God, and stop trying to live for myself.
Today started out with my brother and my dad heading out to do work together so my mom and I could hang out and get my haircut for the Breaking Dawn release party tommorrow.
And then there was a tornado/EXTREMELY severe thunderstorm warning...
So yeah, I freaked out a bit.
The house never felt so empty and eerie before...
But I kept on praying to the Lord, and my dad called, and we were all good... and they had to cancel plans, however. For my dad's work and all that, reschedule appointments. (He's an adjuster for an insurance company... tons of property damage a few hours, and maybe even a few minutes, away from our house in Minnesota... but he works up north most of the time, so yeah, hours.)
Anyway, he called again. And my little bro and my dad were driving home... of course, my dad kept trying to freak me out by saying: "We're going through some tunnel clouds! OOH! We just got lifted up two feet and brought back to the pavement!"
Yeah. That's great, Dad. Just great.
Anyway, they got home. And I got a mocha iced coffee from 'McDonald's Cafe'. Which, I have to admit, even if you guys don't agree, tasted pretty good.
*sigh*
So then I walked through the rain to get a DVD. The river looks awesome today. The town of ours is so small... so darn, dang, small... but it used to be smaller. I mean, we NEVER had this many cars parked on mainstreet a few years ago, unless it was for some big event. Cars keep driving down, pulling out. Almost running people over...
Ugh. I miss that, sometimes... just the quiet little town. But we are a quiet little town, regardless. Our population has just gone up a bit.
And it's definitely gonna get bigger as soon as they start this plan they have out. It's horrible. There's this place where all these elk are? This elk farm-type-place? Well, they're gonna turn it into a HUGE business place, with this bio-research place. It's gonna suck. This part of town where I'm at, will be the 'old' part of town. And there will be people SWARMING here. Like the city nearby.
This place is gonna be a city.
It's like an extension of the city nearby. (Alright, no one's allowed to stalk me. (or my friends) IF YOU DO I WILL... erm... CALL THE POLICE! Yeah... that... anyway...), Rochester. A large of amount of people who live there, that I know, have parents that work at either IBM or the Mayo Clinic, as a nurse, a technology person, all that.
This is gonna turn into that.
I mean, it sounds great, but the nature... poor elk get to be put in little 'meadow-like' areas spread across the lovely suburbian community they're attempting to create here, with great jobs, and stuff like that. Sure, it's great. The city's expanding, yey!
But the animals are gonna be observed like they're in a zoo. Not that it's any better at the farm right now. But it's like the Indians, taking their land, and doing what WE want with it... I mean, they're animals, but it's still pretty sad to me.
And what's gonna happen when ALL small towns cease to exist?! I'm gonna hate coming here twenty years from now, with tourists and people filling up our streets... do we humans HAVE to just have more and more and more? I mean, why expand?! This place is perfectly fine... I love it the way it is/was. But nature's gonna decline, and small towns will keep growing, until they're a part of another city's metropolis.
*sigh*
Anyway, continuing with this morning...
I got 27 Dresse again. I haven't watched it yet, because Read It and Weep (the Disney Channel Original Movie) was on. And... to be honest, I think I'm an in-the-closet-DCOM-lover. Except for the Cheetah Girls, and when they got rid of Raven... EVEEL PEOPLE. *glares*
Anyway, Read It and Weep is a great movie to me. I mean, it just has a lot of great stuff in it... and it should have had a soundtrack, even though it wasn't particularly a musical. I liked it though. I really wanna know what the song is when Jamie is getting ready for the dance... *headdesk*
Anyway, I'ma keep ranting now...
That kiss. The one between Jamie and Connor in Read it and Weep.
That was what I thought MY first kiss would be... when I watched that movie, I absolutely thought of that. I remembered writing so much and class, how much I could relate to that movie back then. Now I see it through different eyes, but it's still the same. You can't lose yourself like that, pretend to be something you're not, and hurt people... but in the end, you've just gotta get back and learn who you really are, what's right, what's wrong. And it's great to have amazing friends who will always stick by your side, no matter what.
Anyway...
I didn't get the Connor and Jamie kiss, even though it was silently embedded in my head. I didn't think of that at all on that darn, stupid, freaking ski lift...
Oh well. I still won't forget mine. :) Who could?
Anyway...
(I've been saying that a lot lately...)
I really need to get back to my faith. *sigh* I was skimming my teen study Bible (from about 1990-something) again today, and I really need to focus. So bad... *sigh*
I don't wanna stray away...
I was reading one of my mom's devotionals in her 'Our Daily Bread' booklet, and it said "It's not how LONG you live, but HOW you live your life..." and stuff like that, for one of the dates... *sigh* And I gotta live for God, and stop trying to live for myself.
Monday, July 28, 2008
I've been tagged. (By Dibsy-chan.)
1. List five things that you like about yourself, or crazy things that you do or other random stuff about you that you feel like putting.-there will be no one accusing someone of bragging!!
2. Tag five other people, and leave a comment on their blog/page.
Well... here goes...
1. I skimmed over the first couple chapters of this book called 'Audrey Wait' by Robin Benway, and I now really wish that people would start flippin' recording the song in the book! Because it sounds like a good song... heh... heheh. I'm listening to the only YouTube recording I could find... (without searching too hard...)
2. I bought fake glasses. Just... cuz. Cuz I'm cool like that. 8) xDDDD Heh... heheh. I also bought a hairclip-like-item, with all this wavy-ish hair that hits mid-back when I clip it to my ponytail when Leanne had to get one for the Breaking Dawn release party this Friday at our local Barnes and Noble. 8)
3. My eyes rock. They're brown and have long eyelashes and are nicely shaped... yeah... random... I also have a ten year old brother who's addicted to Runescape!
4. I swear, one day, I'm going to put some form of unnatural red streaks into my hair. Because I just think it would look cool... just for the heck of it...
5. I used to write fanfictions during classes in sixth grade, by keeping the notebook in my lap, and writing underneath my desk. Most of the time I didn't get caught... though my social studies teacher did once... and my reading teacher lectured me on it... "I'm glad you're writing, but this isn't the time..." blah blah blah... yeah. I honestly did appreciate her... but I was freaked out when my SS teacher tossed my notebook on my desk. I then began writing down ideas to get out of being sent to the principals' office, if I got in that much trouble... (I exaggerate a lot... one of the ideas was 'fake a seizure'... o.e)
So yeah! There are my random things. Which are pretty strange.
I tag:
1. Leanne
2. Ella
3. Nathaniel
4. bright sponge
5. Sienna
2. Tag five other people, and leave a comment on their blog/page.
Well... here goes...
1. I skimmed over the first couple chapters of this book called 'Audrey Wait' by Robin Benway, and I now really wish that people would start flippin' recording the song in the book! Because it sounds like a good song... heh... heheh. I'm listening to the only YouTube recording I could find... (without searching too hard...)
2. I bought fake glasses. Just... cuz. Cuz I'm cool like that. 8) xDDDD Heh... heheh. I also bought a hairclip-like-item, with all this wavy-ish hair that hits mid-back when I clip it to my ponytail when Leanne had to get one for the Breaking Dawn release party this Friday at our local Barnes and Noble. 8)
3. My eyes rock. They're brown and have long eyelashes and are nicely shaped... yeah... random... I also have a ten year old brother who's addicted to Runescape!
4. I swear, one day, I'm going to put some form of unnatural red streaks into my hair. Because I just think it would look cool... just for the heck of it...
5. I used to write fanfictions during classes in sixth grade, by keeping the notebook in my lap, and writing underneath my desk. Most of the time I didn't get caught... though my social studies teacher did once... and my reading teacher lectured me on it... "I'm glad you're writing, but this isn't the time..." blah blah blah... yeah. I honestly did appreciate her... but I was freaked out when my SS teacher tossed my notebook on my desk. I then began writing down ideas to get out of being sent to the principals' office, if I got in that much trouble... (I exaggerate a lot... one of the ideas was 'fake a seizure'... o.e)
So yeah! There are my random things. Which are pretty strange.
I tag:
1. Leanne
2. Ella
3. Nathaniel
4. bright sponge
5. Sienna
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Randomness (I need sincerity, not selfishness)
I am no longer depressedish at the moment. But I really do need to get my focus back on God... first off, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR COMMENTING, AND AWARDING, AND BEING SO AWESOME AND FRIENDLY AND AWESOMELY. *hugzyouall* I congratulate dibsy and Leanne and Nathaniel and Ella, Manga Dork, Sierra, everyone else who commented, and bright sponge, for leaving such kind, encouraging words. :)
So today, I finally helped out with the elementary kids' Sunday School thing for during the second service at my church, for the first time in three weeks. Yeah. Two little girls just jumped on my lap and sat there until I had to get up to lead the worship thing... though I called up a ton of kids. Apparently, there was a shortage on more helpers than just I, during my absence, and on the fullest day of King's Kids (what the program is called), it was only me, and the youth pastor... so we had a couple of 4th and 5th graders help me out with snack and stuff. It was awesome, actually. They actually work harder than the teenagers and I when we normally lounge in the small classrooms where we put snack on the tables during the lesson video... and they enjoy it! I think it makes them feel important... I know I liked handing out stuff like that when I was younger...
Anyway, it was pretty cool. This one kid and I, XD, we pretended to have this hardcore, action, awesomesauceness Avatar battle. xDDD I love kids... he was like, my brother's age, so yeah... probably younger. But it was fun.
Another great thing about (at least THESE 4th and 5th graders, unlike my brother), was that they didn't talk about anything disturbing, or weird music that my teenage friends and I like... though I really miss them.
And I don't know what is going on with Macy's family... I really hope they're all okay... *sigh*
I stayed at my dad's lunch meeting with the outreach ministries peoplez. He wants to teach a class about evangelism, and not a really-super-icky-uber-complicated-logistic-type one, he want to do a practical one, that doesn't force people to talk, and everything. I think he's got a good plan... I like listening to adults discussing things like that. And their introductions. My dad was all like talking about me at one point, and acknowledged me being in the room and the fact that I kept bringing my friends to youth group this year... and how I have a servant's heart and everything. And here I am, sitting here, drawing the Cullens, and listening to the conversation, while eating that waaaaaaay too dressed broccoli (sp?probably...) salad, with bacon strips and all that... so healthy. o.O (I didn't finish it... ate too much Chex Mix during King's Kids...) Man. I really never feel like I'm meeting up to what people say about me.
But seriously.
On the mission trip, I was amazed. One of the leaders for the YouthWorks trip, the oldest one, the 23 year old, she gave me a 'Rox my Sox!' (a time during 'Club' meetings, where we tossed a pair of the leaders' socks... so enjoyable, right? and tell about something that was really awesome someone in our group had done, or that we admired, or were impressed by...). I was so amazed. Seriously. :'( It was amazing...
I gotta live up to this. But it's not really peoples' expectations that should run my life... but I SHOULD be a servant. I should have that heart. That's what God wants me to have, so I should do it. As much as I possibly can. I should serve others. I should listen. Care, genuinely care, and not care about looks or pasts or anything... just care for and love these people. Everyone... show them kindness...
So today, I finally helped out with the elementary kids' Sunday School thing for during the second service at my church, for the first time in three weeks. Yeah. Two little girls just jumped on my lap and sat there until I had to get up to lead the worship thing... though I called up a ton of kids. Apparently, there was a shortage on more helpers than just I, during my absence, and on the fullest day of King's Kids (what the program is called), it was only me, and the youth pastor... so we had a couple of 4th and 5th graders help me out with snack and stuff. It was awesome, actually. They actually work harder than the teenagers and I when we normally lounge in the small classrooms where we put snack on the tables during the lesson video... and they enjoy it! I think it makes them feel important... I know I liked handing out stuff like that when I was younger...
Anyway, it was pretty cool. This one kid and I, XD, we pretended to have this hardcore, action, awesomesauceness Avatar battle. xDDD I love kids... he was like, my brother's age, so yeah... probably younger. But it was fun.
Another great thing about (at least THESE 4th and 5th graders, unlike my brother), was that they didn't talk about anything disturbing, or weird music that my teenage friends and I like... though I really miss them.
And I don't know what is going on with Macy's family... I really hope they're all okay... *sigh*
I stayed at my dad's lunch meeting with the outreach ministries peoplez. He wants to teach a class about evangelism, and not a really-super-icky-uber-complicated-logistic-type one, he want to do a practical one, that doesn't force people to talk, and everything. I think he's got a good plan... I like listening to adults discussing things like that. And their introductions. My dad was all like talking about me at one point, and acknowledged me being in the room and the fact that I kept bringing my friends to youth group this year... and how I have a servant's heart and everything. And here I am, sitting here, drawing the Cullens, and listening to the conversation, while eating that waaaaaaay too dressed broccoli (sp?probably...) salad, with bacon strips and all that... so healthy. o.O (I didn't finish it... ate too much Chex Mix during King's Kids...) Man. I really never feel like I'm meeting up to what people say about me.
But seriously.
On the mission trip, I was amazed. One of the leaders for the YouthWorks trip, the oldest one, the 23 year old, she gave me a 'Rox my Sox!' (a time during 'Club' meetings, where we tossed a pair of the leaders' socks... so enjoyable, right? and tell about something that was really awesome someone in our group had done, or that we admired, or were impressed by...). I was so amazed. Seriously. :'( It was amazing...
I gotta live up to this. But it's not really peoples' expectations that should run my life... but I SHOULD be a servant. I should have that heart. That's what God wants me to have, so I should do it. As much as I possibly can. I should serve others. I should listen. Care, genuinely care, and not care about looks or pasts or anything... just care for and love these people. Everyone... show them kindness...
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Gahhhh meehhh neehhh rawrr aaaaagghhhh errrgh. *headdesk*(rant/angst/item/thing?)
Earlier tonight I declared that it was emospazzing night! Hooray! You know, the night when I emotionally beat myself up for being stupid toward other people, and not knowing how to handle things... I feel like I've stepped back one hundred steps from my empathy and sensitivity toward people... I feel horribly guilty for not calling people who probably needed someone to talk to. For not caring as much as I should. For dismissing things that people did that needed to be addressed. For not being a supportive friend...
Well, I WAS just feeling better, but my happiness level went down a bit from pointing out negative things... dam_, erm... dang... you pessimism...
Anyway, I am feeling okay now. Because I can darkly poke fun at my own problems, which means I have issues right now. *headdeskheaddeskheaddesk*
Lord, forgive me.
One of the Sam's was telling me about how great reading the Bible was. And I was AMAZED by how he'd changed again, just from reading the Bible. I am so glad he's doing so well right now... his faith is incredible. I admire him.
I was truly amazed. God really works in our lives... So much. I've gotta let him in...
Even when I'm misunderstood, or when I'm doing anything wrong... and when I don't know what to do for people. I want to take those 100 steps forward again... even though it's probably going to take some work, if I don't focus. I just know that God is always there no matter what... So I'm going to have to give it all to him.
Well, I WAS just feeling better, but my happiness level went down a bit from pointing out negative things... dam_, erm... dang... you pessimism...
Anyway, I am feeling okay now. Because I can darkly poke fun at my own problems, which means I have issues right now. *headdeskheaddeskheaddesk*
Lord, forgive me.
One of the Sam's was telling me about how great reading the Bible was. And I was AMAZED by how he'd changed again, just from reading the Bible. I am so glad he's doing so well right now... his faith is incredible. I admire him.
I was truly amazed. God really works in our lives... So much. I've gotta let him in...
Even when I'm misunderstood, or when I'm doing anything wrong... and when I don't know what to do for people. I want to take those 100 steps forward again... even though it's probably going to take some work, if I don't focus. I just know that God is always there no matter what... So I'm going to have to give it all to him.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Rambling rant rants about stuffs
New characters-
The Church Group Kids- These are the people who I go to youth group and Sunday School with. The only person I ever got SUPER close to there, was Rose, and I got somewhat close to Mark, I suppose. I know a lot about everyone there, and they're my friends. They are close to me, and I pray for them, and I care for them. They're really awesome, and come from different schools in the nearby city, and they're all pretty close to each other too. The group spans (in the summer, when youth group is out) from kids out of sixth grade, and going into ninth grade. In the schoolyear, the grades for middle school ministries spans from sixth through eighth grade.
Bella and Edward- (I gave them these codenames, because they have names relevant to the Twilight series, though they definitely aren't these names, though they might as well be...) A couple whom has been going out for 14 months, and are going into ninth grade.
Bella- A girl going into ninth grade who goes to the church, and is an amazing person, whom takes her boyfriend everywhere. (and her father follows them as well...) She's close to her father, and her caring boyfriend. She once had an obssessive crush on him, writing hers and his name in a youth retreat devotional booklet in hearts as her 'notes'. She likes writing, and is close to her friends, can have a bit of an attitude, and is really an individual person.
Edward- A boy who plays guitar, has awesome hair, and is (unfortunatelyforthosewhosecretlyfangirlspazzoverhim) boyfriend to Bella. He is extremely dedicated to her. He may be silent at times, but once he opens up, one realizes that he is a great guy, funny, and obviously dedicated to Bella.
Macy (remind me if I've used this name already... ^^")- She plays bass, she's 17, and she was homeschooled up until 10th grade. She goes to a Christian school now, and wishes she could cut her uniform skirt... She's very youthful and innocent in some ways, and in other ways, she is an intense, dark, intriguing artist. She writes amazing stories and lyrics, and draws incredible pictures, and has a wild imagination, due to being raised off of drama/sci-fi's, and Star Wars, and likes most sci-fi things. She is an incredible person that I admire and sympathize toward, during her family life at times.
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I'm no longer addicted to soft rock. However, there is no lacking of fluffy love songs, however, I do still love my soft rock. And old Coldplay. And Anna Nalick, and Ingrid Michaelson, and all them peoplez.
Anyway, my newer-ish music interests, or revivals... or just further interests... are stemmed from mix CDs of Christian Rock/Metal that this dude from my church, Ed (who is absolutely hothothothothohtohot), made for us to ride on the rides to and from wherever we went in our big vans during travel, like the eight hour trip from MN to SD. The music was great. And I had a ton of stuff I wanted to look up after I'd heard both (or however many... ) of the CDs there were.
I suddenly fell in love with some of the Skillet songs I'd heard over and over from one of my other friends, Macy, made me listen to. And Flyleaf. And learned about some other awesomesauce Christian rock-ish bands, like FM Static... and hearing all the guys in the back singing 'Love Addict' by Family Force 5 was hilarious and rockin'sauce. Though it annoyed most of the other guys.
So, I like rock-i-er-ish-item-music-thing right now. But still a lot of Alt. Rock. But more things like Flyleaf, and Paramore, music like that. And new modern-y-ish stuff too... but I've almost completely rid my music of hip-hop/rap. And I skip most of my Linkin Park songs right now too. O: Which is kinda sad. But they're negative and all that... I use most of that music for my characters and other people who listen to it all the time. Kris has been obssessing over the YouTube playlist I made for the roleplay we're both in, and she finally finished listening to it today, or at least I think she did. It has 86 songs on it, I believe. But, of course, YT deleted some of the vids, like YT does, so I've gotta go edit at some point... (xP toopid procrastination/laziness disorder.)
*sigh* I'm listening to Tonight by FM Static. It is sad. Especially with the movie it's using in the vid. (A Walk To Remember... I really need to watch that... we have all these movies that we own, yet I don't ever watch them... so I gotta do that with this one... )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bg45rOnbnCA
^teh vid
I love that song. It is so sad... I had an idea of what it meant... the guy falls in love with a girl, and she witnesses to him, and they're in love, and she dies, and it's sad... :'(
But I love it... *sniff* :'(
Well, at least that's how the movie seems right now...
Anyvayz, I just thought I'd leave a random blog. God Bless you all! :) <3333
~Aly-chan
The Church Group Kids- These are the people who I go to youth group and Sunday School with. The only person I ever got SUPER close to there, was Rose, and I got somewhat close to Mark, I suppose. I know a lot about everyone there, and they're my friends. They are close to me, and I pray for them, and I care for them. They're really awesome, and come from different schools in the nearby city, and they're all pretty close to each other too. The group spans (in the summer, when youth group is out) from kids out of sixth grade, and going into ninth grade. In the schoolyear, the grades for middle school ministries spans from sixth through eighth grade.
Bella and Edward- (I gave them these codenames, because they have names relevant to the Twilight series, though they definitely aren't these names, though they might as well be...) A couple whom has been going out for 14 months, and are going into ninth grade.
Bella- A girl going into ninth grade who goes to the church, and is an amazing person, whom takes her boyfriend everywhere. (and her father follows them as well...) She's close to her father, and her caring boyfriend. She once had an obssessive crush on him, writing hers and his name in a youth retreat devotional booklet in hearts as her 'notes'. She likes writing, and is close to her friends, can have a bit of an attitude, and is really an individual person.
Edward- A boy who plays guitar, has awesome hair, and is (unfortunatelyforthosewhosecretlyfangirlspazzoverhim) boyfriend to Bella. He is extremely dedicated to her. He may be silent at times, but once he opens up, one realizes that he is a great guy, funny, and obviously dedicated to Bella.
Macy (remind me if I've used this name already... ^^")- She plays bass, she's 17, and she was homeschooled up until 10th grade. She goes to a Christian school now, and wishes she could cut her uniform skirt... She's very youthful and innocent in some ways, and in other ways, she is an intense, dark, intriguing artist. She writes amazing stories and lyrics, and draws incredible pictures, and has a wild imagination, due to being raised off of drama/sci-fi's, and Star Wars, and likes most sci-fi things. She is an incredible person that I admire and sympathize toward, during her family life at times.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm no longer addicted to soft rock. However, there is no lacking of fluffy love songs, however, I do still love my soft rock. And old Coldplay. And Anna Nalick, and Ingrid Michaelson, and all them peoplez.
Anyway, my newer-ish music interests, or revivals... or just further interests... are stemmed from mix CDs of Christian Rock/Metal that this dude from my church, Ed (who is absolutely hothothothothohtohot), made for us to ride on the rides to and from wherever we went in our big vans during travel, like the eight hour trip from MN to SD. The music was great. And I had a ton of stuff I wanted to look up after I'd heard both (or however many... ) of the CDs there were.
I suddenly fell in love with some of the Skillet songs I'd heard over and over from one of my other friends, Macy, made me listen to. And Flyleaf. And learned about some other awesomesauce Christian rock-ish bands, like FM Static... and hearing all the guys in the back singing 'Love Addict' by Family Force 5 was hilarious and rockin'sauce. Though it annoyed most of the other guys.
So, I like rock-i-er-ish-item-music-thing right now. But still a lot of Alt. Rock. But more things like Flyleaf, and Paramore, music like that. And new modern-y-ish stuff too... but I've almost completely rid my music of hip-hop/rap. And I skip most of my Linkin Park songs right now too. O: Which is kinda sad. But they're negative and all that... I use most of that music for my characters and other people who listen to it all the time. Kris has been obssessing over the YouTube playlist I made for the roleplay we're both in, and she finally finished listening to it today, or at least I think she did. It has 86 songs on it, I believe. But, of course, YT deleted some of the vids, like YT does, so I've gotta go edit at some point... (xP toopid procrastination/laziness disorder.)
*sigh* I'm listening to Tonight by FM Static. It is sad. Especially with the movie it's using in the vid. (A Walk To Remember... I really need to watch that... we have all these movies that we own, yet I don't ever watch them... so I gotta do that with this one... )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bg45rOnbnCA
^teh vid
I love that song. It is so sad... I had an idea of what it meant... the guy falls in love with a girl, and she witnesses to him, and they're in love, and she dies, and it's sad... :'(
But I love it... *sniff* :'(
Well, at least that's how the movie seems right now...
Anyvayz, I just thought I'd leave a random blog. God Bless you all! :) <3333
~Aly-chan
Monday, July 21, 2008
Back from the Trip (and all that stuffs <3)
^The link above is to the youth church blog item thing. And you guys are not permitted to stalk the peoplez in teh pictures. :O
I wrote a blog there... that's my youth pastor's blog for the place and all that. I wrote (and didn't finish)
"Alison K.- This trip was an experience I refuse to forget. There were lots of new people we got to meet, and build relationships with, and lots of amazing people that everyone talked about from the other missions. Everything we did was meaningful. The people that I met were very interesting, and I began realizing these people’s needs. I learned things from the people in my group. I worked at two nursing homes and a Youth Development center. I think I made some lasting impacts. The elderly just want somebody to talk to. And if only we would just let them talk! We would learn so much. The lady I spoke to, at Meadowbrook’s nursing home, Helen, a pianist, I think about 94 years old, was like walking history. Her story was just the story of a ‘typical farm girl’ in South Dakota. And it was fascinating to hear her talk. She told me about everything… and repeated herself, so I’m not thinking I’ll be forgetting about it soon. Somehow, her story kind of reminded me of Anne of Green Gables, or Laura Ingalls Wilder, or an American Girl story. It was just awesome to hear the way things really were back then, directly to the ones who lived in it. I also spoke to Ruth. I didn’t get much time to talk to her, but she was incredible. She had multiple sclerosis, and she was writing these books, one about MS and her sister with MS, and another about domestic violence, due to her years helping in a battered women facility. She was incredibly strong and inspiring, even in the few minutes I got to speak to her.At the Youth Development Center, I talked to a girl. We didn’t say much, and the screens of the computers were so attracting to me in that crowded, secluded corner… I do believe somebody should’ve been watching these kids more… I saw a little makeover game similar to the ones I’d play at home, and so I walked toward that person on that computer. I learned quite a bit from just watching her there. I sort of detected her fashion sense, by the way she styled the animated, portrait-view, models. She surfed the web, on the appropriate site list, and I learned her name from her sending a random comment to Disney Channel’s site. When she got off the computer, she asked me if I wanted to draw, and set down paper and a pencil in front of my seat. And so we drew for a few minutes. Kristi and her group of little girls, who were playing ‘pretend’, imagined that we were both at an art school that they were visiting. They took pictures of us. I played with the younger girls outside for a minute, then came back in. All these kids wanted were a friend. Someone to talk to, or draw with, or appreciate them, or just to play with them. On the day of the activity, when we went to the waterpark, I saw my older friend, who was my age, the one who drew, and her eyes just lit up when she saw me. We had hardly said anything, but we were friends already. What really got to me, however, was the ‘club’ nights, on Tuesday and Wednesday. Tuesday had a very important message. God loves everyone. No matter what they do. No matter who they are. On the very first night that we all arrived here, someone told us to think of everyone as someone that God loves, rather than judging them. The ‘Club’ on Tuesday really reinforced this. They showed us a slideshow of pictures. Of so many different people. And every single one of them, is loved by God. That was extremely powerful in itself. To be continued…."
I never got to finish it before we left, but that's okay. I'm glad I wrote it. I've been really having a hard time focusing on God right now. The mission trip was powerful... but as soon as I came home, I knew what I WANTED to do for God, to do for the people around me, and yet, I went straight back to what I was doing before I left. Straight back. Even with Rose and Bethany around, I wanted the computer. It was sick. But we watched the Avatar Finale, and it was AMAZING. But still... man.
I need to get back to focusing on God. I love him. And I love what he's doing with my life. I want to do what I can... but what is there? We learned a lot about just how a simple friendship changes people's lives during the trip. And I have lots of friends I should talk to a bit more often... lots of new people to meet... lots of lost people and run-down people and people who I've got yet to meet. But I do think that I've got to be more consistent. Just with... everything. I guess I don't have to change the music I listen to, or watch, as long as I'm filtering. And I'm not tempting myself. I'm mature enough to handle those things, plus the world's like that, and I can't deny it. I can, however, choose the way I will act, who I will follow, God or the world. So, I'm choosing God.
Perfect song for that paragraph up there-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhR0G7LC1FU
I'm not broken right now, but it feels that way sometimes, for a lot of people. My eyes were definitely opened up again on this trip. I'd been really selfish before then, and now I just want to do things for people again. And yet, I still isolate myself to this office, and to the people on the internet... not that they don't need God. But like I do with some of my friends, I just don't dare bring it up. Unless they do. And when they do, (people online mostly), it normally just turns into a debate. Which sucks, but, a line from a really awesomely song ("I Hope You Dance"), 'I hope you never choose the path of least resistance...' you know. I don't like resistance. Because it's hard for me to think of losing people in such a final way... and only God can really call someone like that. And only the people themselves can choose to listen.
I really hated being 'helpless' like that before, but now I realize, everything really does depend on the other person's decision, and listening to God, and giving everything up to him. I wanna get out there and do something. I've gotta ask for the courage to do what he wants me to. Even when others are against it.
I wrote a blog there... that's my youth pastor's blog for the place and all that. I wrote (and didn't finish)
"Alison K.- This trip was an experience I refuse to forget. There were lots of new people we got to meet, and build relationships with, and lots of amazing people that everyone talked about from the other missions. Everything we did was meaningful. The people that I met were very interesting, and I began realizing these people’s needs. I learned things from the people in my group. I worked at two nursing homes and a Youth Development center. I think I made some lasting impacts. The elderly just want somebody to talk to. And if only we would just let them talk! We would learn so much. The lady I spoke to, at Meadowbrook’s nursing home, Helen, a pianist, I think about 94 years old, was like walking history. Her story was just the story of a ‘typical farm girl’ in South Dakota. And it was fascinating to hear her talk. She told me about everything… and repeated herself, so I’m not thinking I’ll be forgetting about it soon. Somehow, her story kind of reminded me of Anne of Green Gables, or Laura Ingalls Wilder, or an American Girl story. It was just awesome to hear the way things really were back then, directly to the ones who lived in it. I also spoke to Ruth. I didn’t get much time to talk to her, but she was incredible. She had multiple sclerosis, and she was writing these books, one about MS and her sister with MS, and another about domestic violence, due to her years helping in a battered women facility. She was incredibly strong and inspiring, even in the few minutes I got to speak to her.At the Youth Development Center, I talked to a girl. We didn’t say much, and the screens of the computers were so attracting to me in that crowded, secluded corner… I do believe somebody should’ve been watching these kids more… I saw a little makeover game similar to the ones I’d play at home, and so I walked toward that person on that computer. I learned quite a bit from just watching her there. I sort of detected her fashion sense, by the way she styled the animated, portrait-view, models. She surfed the web, on the appropriate site list, and I learned her name from her sending a random comment to Disney Channel’s site. When she got off the computer, she asked me if I wanted to draw, and set down paper and a pencil in front of my seat. And so we drew for a few minutes. Kristi and her group of little girls, who were playing ‘pretend’, imagined that we were both at an art school that they were visiting. They took pictures of us. I played with the younger girls outside for a minute, then came back in. All these kids wanted were a friend. Someone to talk to, or draw with, or appreciate them, or just to play with them. On the day of the activity, when we went to the waterpark, I saw my older friend, who was my age, the one who drew, and her eyes just lit up when she saw me. We had hardly said anything, but we were friends already. What really got to me, however, was the ‘club’ nights, on Tuesday and Wednesday. Tuesday had a very important message. God loves everyone. No matter what they do. No matter who they are. On the very first night that we all arrived here, someone told us to think of everyone as someone that God loves, rather than judging them. The ‘Club’ on Tuesday really reinforced this. They showed us a slideshow of pictures. Of so many different people. And every single one of them, is loved by God. That was extremely powerful in itself. To be continued…."
I never got to finish it before we left, but that's okay. I'm glad I wrote it. I've been really having a hard time focusing on God right now. The mission trip was powerful... but as soon as I came home, I knew what I WANTED to do for God, to do for the people around me, and yet, I went straight back to what I was doing before I left. Straight back. Even with Rose and Bethany around, I wanted the computer. It was sick. But we watched the Avatar Finale, and it was AMAZING. But still... man.
I need to get back to focusing on God. I love him. And I love what he's doing with my life. I want to do what I can... but what is there? We learned a lot about just how a simple friendship changes people's lives during the trip. And I have lots of friends I should talk to a bit more often... lots of new people to meet... lots of lost people and run-down people and people who I've got yet to meet. But I do think that I've got to be more consistent. Just with... everything. I guess I don't have to change the music I listen to, or watch, as long as I'm filtering. And I'm not tempting myself. I'm mature enough to handle those things, plus the world's like that, and I can't deny it. I can, however, choose the way I will act, who I will follow, God or the world. So, I'm choosing God.
Perfect song for that paragraph up there-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhR0G7LC1FU
I'm not broken right now, but it feels that way sometimes, for a lot of people. My eyes were definitely opened up again on this trip. I'd been really selfish before then, and now I just want to do things for people again. And yet, I still isolate myself to this office, and to the people on the internet... not that they don't need God. But like I do with some of my friends, I just don't dare bring it up. Unless they do. And when they do, (people online mostly), it normally just turns into a debate. Which sucks, but, a line from a really awesomely song ("I Hope You Dance"), 'I hope you never choose the path of least resistance...' you know. I don't like resistance. Because it's hard for me to think of losing people in such a final way... and only God can really call someone like that. And only the people themselves can choose to listen.
I really hated being 'helpless' like that before, but now I realize, everything really does depend on the other person's decision, and listening to God, and giving everything up to him. I wanna get out there and do something. I've gotta ask for the courage to do what he wants me to. Even when others are against it.
Monday, July 7, 2008
My Uneventful Day... (and yesterday's doll adventures... o.O)
I talked on the phone.
I stayed on the computer.
I used
http://pbskids.org/cyberchase/games/patterns/ ,
http://www.millsberry.com/studio/ ,
and
http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/games/classof3000/funkbox/index.html
to make an instrumental song. (Which, didn't sound half-bad, in all honesty.)
I also put OneRepublic's 'Dreaming Out Loud', Hoku's 'Hoku', and Superchick's 'Regeneration, Last One Picked, and 'Beauty From Pain' onto my Windows Media Player, because I'm just that technologically unadvanced. *yawn* I did make a few more playlists on there, cuz I'm just addicted to playlists like that...
I've been writing this little side-story fanfic thing about the roleplay, "In Their Eyes" from AvatarSpirit.Net, because I write in that, and I'm just obssessed with ITE like that... (Leanne and Nathaniel and maybe even Ella might know about some of that...)
And then I called Ella and 'Leanne' (whom is Kris in the coded blog)... and they were picking out makeup for the Breaking Dawn prom at Barnes and Noble in August, cuz I got Leanne in a dress yesterday to see what she would look like as our Rosalie. (It was either she was Rosalie, and we were 'sisters', or else she'd be Jasper, and 'Alyce' would be very strange and abnormal... ) So yeah. Kris is very tomboy-y, but she's also a girl.
Yesterday, Kris and I hung out at my house. We played with My Scene dolls. They were being 'muffinly'. And Barbie was a suggestive, dumb-blonde, who somehow dressed like a hippy. o.e Anyyyywayyy... we had a ghost-girl 'emo' who was like, basically a suicidal Mary Sue (see 'fanfiction author language') and had problems, and yet, this one girl's African-British boyfriend started feeling attracted toward her after rescuing her from jumping off the top of my dresser drawers. I-I... I mean, tall building... and the one actual 'cultural' Barbie doll was being like Barbie and wasn't paying attention to his odd attraction. Until Sue started being weird. And he followed her. And THEN she freaked out. And Insertname Here, the Madison doll (cuz I'm just weird like that and actually DO know every single name of all the most recent MyScene doll names... ) whose head pops off, learned that popping her head off to random people, laughing insanely and walking around with your head off and still living, then putting your head back on, is creepy and scares people. Sue dressed up in a creepy white dress with a black scarf and no shoes, revealing that My Scene dolls, do, in fact, have tiny feet that magically enlarge while wearing shoes. While River slept in his apartment, in a shelf, with a comfortable bed made up of humongous skirts and leggings, Barbie, who lived in the apartment above him, the one with all the dress shirts and random other stuffs, was hanging out with Sutton's girlfriend, Insertname Here, and Sutton, who then followed Sue...
Yup. That's the epical episode of: "My Scene Dolls: The WTF(oople)!? Episode!"
Yeah.
The one week where I'm supposed to be the MOST focused on the Mission Trip, I'm not. Lord, forgive me. I need that... I need to start focusing, and stop procrastinating my packing and my devotionals and even my time spent with God. Lord forgive me... God Bless you all.
I stayed on the computer.
I used
http://pbskids.org/cyberchase/games/patterns/ ,
http://www.millsberry.com/studio/ ,
and
http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/games/classof3000/funkbox/index.html
to make an instrumental song. (Which, didn't sound half-bad, in all honesty.)
I also put OneRepublic's 'Dreaming Out Loud', Hoku's 'Hoku', and Superchick's 'Regeneration, Last One Picked, and 'Beauty From Pain' onto my Windows Media Player, because I'm just that technologically unadvanced. *yawn* I did make a few more playlists on there, cuz I'm just addicted to playlists like that...
I've been writing this little side-story fanfic thing about the roleplay, "In Their Eyes" from AvatarSpirit.Net, because I write in that, and I'm just obssessed with ITE like that... (Leanne and Nathaniel and maybe even Ella might know about some of that...)
And then I called Ella and 'Leanne' (whom is Kris in the coded blog)... and they were picking out makeup for the Breaking Dawn prom at Barnes and Noble in August, cuz I got Leanne in a dress yesterday to see what she would look like as our Rosalie. (It was either she was Rosalie, and we were 'sisters', or else she'd be Jasper, and 'Alyce' would be very strange and abnormal... ) So yeah. Kris is very tomboy-y, but she's also a girl.
Yesterday, Kris and I hung out at my house. We played with My Scene dolls. They were being 'muffinly'. And Barbie was a suggestive, dumb-blonde, who somehow dressed like a hippy. o.e Anyyyywayyy... we had a ghost-girl 'emo' who was like, basically a suicidal Mary Sue (see 'fanfiction author language') and had problems, and yet, this one girl's African-British boyfriend started feeling attracted toward her after rescuing her from jumping off the top of my dresser drawers. I-I... I mean, tall building... and the one actual 'cultural' Barbie doll was being like Barbie and wasn't paying attention to his odd attraction. Until Sue started being weird. And he followed her. And THEN she freaked out. And Insertname Here, the Madison doll (cuz I'm just weird like that and actually DO know every single name of all the most recent MyScene doll names... ) whose head pops off, learned that popping her head off to random people, laughing insanely and walking around with your head off and still living, then putting your head back on, is creepy and scares people. Sue dressed up in a creepy white dress with a black scarf and no shoes, revealing that My Scene dolls, do, in fact, have tiny feet that magically enlarge while wearing shoes. While River slept in his apartment, in a shelf, with a comfortable bed made up of humongous skirts and leggings, Barbie, who lived in the apartment above him, the one with all the dress shirts and random other stuffs, was hanging out with Sutton's girlfriend, Insertname Here, and Sutton, who then followed Sue...
Yup. That's the epical episode of: "My Scene Dolls: The WTF(oople)!? Episode!"
Yeah.
The one week where I'm supposed to be the MOST focused on the Mission Trip, I'm not. Lord, forgive me. I need that... I need to start focusing, and stop procrastinating my packing and my devotionals and even my time spent with God. Lord forgive me... God Bless you all.
Friday, July 4, 2008
...(vent/whatever (kind of an 'emo-pressing' vent))
I need to vent.
It's wrong, but, I want to... I mean, did Jesus not knock over tables in anger, or something like that? I'm venting... I'm not going to say any names.
I can't take this. How can someone say "Oh, it's Natural Selection that that idiot kid died cuz he was imitating some character on TV! Lol! One less idiot in the world!" No. Just... no. 10 year old's don't die because of natural selection. There is sin in the world, and being so cruel and insensitive like that, is wrong. Wrong. I'm being wrong. I thought some pretty bad stuff... I wanna go blow up to some people right now. But I'm not going to...
Okay. Casting Crowns is very helpful right now.
I need to love people like Jesus, who ate dinner with the 'tax-collectors and sinners', and let the lady with the loose hair wash his feet. People struggle. People don't understand. People are swallowed up in the darkness and sin of this world and lured by temptation from the Devil. I'm not one of them... and I can't condemn them. I've just got to do what I can. I HAVE to stick to God. No. Matter. What.
Some quotes from my friend, from a thread on a site where 'proselyetize is 'not allowed.' He wrote them a long time ago. In my blog, he's Sam. He's changed. He's struggling. He's not like the people who condemned him in that thread, but he's hurting. He needs to heal and come back to Christ. He was so devout and 'overzealous' to some... he may have sounded like a bit of an advertisement to some, may have been 'shoving' his 'religion' down their throats.
..."but you must know that winning people to christ is an amazing thing. why should it not be allowed? what if someone didn't answer to this topic but read it and understood it and the holy spirit took over. what if that somebody is saved right now from the firey clutches of eternal Hell. you can't honestly think that going to Hell for all eternity is any better than going to Heaven with a few people you don't like. i can guarentee that anyone in Hell right now would gladly switch lives with any one of you. Hell is NOT a good place to be. and to think that Jesus died a long and painful death on the cross just to give us a second chance to get in to Heaven is just unbelievable!!! and yet some do not see that and don't want to because it might make them afraid or it might hurt their feelings! that makes it our job as christians to give as many people as humanly possible a chance at going to Heaven and staying out of the clutches of the Devil who would kill just to make sure we don't find God! Jesus could come back tomarrow morning or an hour even and he is going to collect the souls that trust in him and leave the unbelivers here on Earth where if they are not killed will suffer years of Satan's wrath! it is the christian's job to win people to Christ and you're not going to tell me i can't do it because it's against the rules. because i might make some people feel sad. that's a price i am willing to take if it means keeping people out of the fiery trenches of Hell!!! some of you might think that Satan is your friend. that Satan is here to help but he's not! he tricks you into thinking he's your friend so that when you turn around he can stab you in the back and God's the only person who can save you from that! So believe what you want to believe everybody but you'll be wishing you would've paid a little more attention in Sunday School when Jesus comes."Those Who Seek God Will Be Rewarded"- Hebrews 11:6"
"Yay! i didn't know so many people were christians! it's GREAT isn't it?! and *insert username of member here*, you don't have to go to hell you know. as long as you accept christ as your lord and savior and say the sinner's prayer, you don't have to go to hell. that's the free gift Jesus Christ gave us when he willingly died on the cross. isn't that just amazing! God doesn't want you to go to hell. that's why he gave his only son to die on the cross for OUR sins. Jesus didn't sin once in his entire life. he was literally PERFECT. and yet he died on the cross for us anyway! you see, God doesn't want to go to hell. Jesus died on the cross so that we could have the chance to get into Heaven. it's a free gift The Lord gave to sinners. and we are all sinners by the way. it's your choice if you want to accept the gift given to you by The Lord Jesus Christ who loves you so much he would die for YOU! it's never too late to get saved. but don't wait! you could pass way as you sleep tonight. it's a scary thing to imagine but happens much to often. it's not such a scary thing however once you get saved. because the second you get saved, you're going to Heaven. so then when you go to bed, thinking you may pass away right where you're laying, it's not so scary. because now, you know that if you were to die, you're going to Heaven. Forever. Where you can see Jesus. The one you call, your Lord and Savior. May God be with you all. And all who did not post. The Lord loves you all. Just the same."
How can people fall apart? He's straying... I need to be there for him.
New favorite band-
Casting Crowns
I'm almost crying right now. It feels like how I used to look at the old church directory pictures, and see this huge family of about 9, all smiling, a couple of pouting teenagers, and this grinning little, 7-year-old boy, who looked like the kid from Steuart Little (2002 directory), and then look at the most recent directory, from 2006, and... knowing how the family split... 5 people. In that picture. His parents divorced. Sister, or whoever the girl was, grew up. I know she's alive, because I tried to reach someone of their last name through an operator, and they tried to get me there. The boy had longer hair now, different glasses, a faint smile, pale skin. I knew there was more behind that, however.
This boy was Mark.
And he still is Mark. It seemed he'd had trouble talking to me about his family, and when he did, none of the stories were happy. It wasn't like my novel boy, or like Troy Abbort, it wasn't like he was being physically abused, or neglected, but his family... definitely had dysfunction. I never got extreme specifics. But I knew some things. His parents divorced.
I got told something about cousins and adoption and aunts and uncles in car crashes from someone else, not from Mark, but I don't know exactly what happened...
He was hurting too.
My friend, a girl, lost, and searching. She says she's a Christian. But I think she might just be 'religious', at the times she is. I hate that word... I am not religious. I have a relationship with Christ. He is my Lord, my Savior, my Heavenly father. He's a friend. He shouldn't be as distant as I put him off, but He IS my friend.
Either way, her faith... I don't know if she understands. She's had crappy boyfriends. Tons of them. One of them, a drug-addicted, cheating, player, tried to get her to do things she absolutely DIDN'T want to do. She told me in the summer before sixth grade that she had kissed a girl. She's obssessed with boys. She doesn't want to get pregnant, or have sex or any of that. She just 'loves' them. But everytime she gets into a relationship, everytime a boy hurts her by cheating on her, or breaking up with her for some stupid reason, I watch her get hurt. I hear her over the phone, angry and hurt. I hear her. I'm one of the so-called 'few' people she's told that she was bi. I don't call her enough. I need to talk to her. And though I'm so quick to say something wrong is fun, or anything of the like, jokingly, I can't confront someone about something like that. I can't do that. I can't shove my faith down my throat. Even my youth pastor says not to do that. But I have to tell her it's wrong somehow... though, if she accepts Christ as her savior in truth, and believes in Him fully, is her sin not forgiven? Most likely it is forgiven. But to repeat that, again and again.
Her boyfriends are the ones who have the problems. She's torn apart inside, I know it. Her mom, she doesn't even know her mom's age. Her mom is rather overweight; she got one of those gastric bypass surgeries, or something of the like, and she just wants the best for her daughter; she doesn't seem to know that much about her daughter's relationships, or her preference. She let her transfer schools when the one she went to wasn't working out, however. But putting a bunch of troubled, high-risk kids, in ONE school... how does that help? I suppose it could... but the bullying... cutting, suicidal thoughts... I guess you can't really blame a school for that. But it's so much easier, isn't it? I wasn't there for her when she was like that. I wasn't there. I wasn't there to listen. I need to call her... check up on her... just be her friend, at the very least.
I am deathly afraid of any of my friends going to anywhere other than Heaven. Maybe it's wrong... to think like that. Just because I want them with me. It's not as though I'll be lonely. I don't know what my motives are sometimes. I do, however, honestly, want them all to get saved, and share my joy. And feel God's love surrounding them. I want them to be there to know that.
I could list all my friends and my friends' various problems right now.
But that's not the point... I need to be here for those who are CLOSE to me. Not just online. And not just the few people that I actually, selfishly, choose to call during the day. The people that need someone, are the ones I need to talk to. Lord, please help me... give me your guidance.
It's wrong, but, I want to... I mean, did Jesus not knock over tables in anger, or something like that? I'm venting... I'm not going to say any names.
I can't take this. How can someone say "Oh, it's Natural Selection that that idiot kid died cuz he was imitating some character on TV! Lol! One less idiot in the world!" No. Just... no. 10 year old's don't die because of natural selection. There is sin in the world, and being so cruel and insensitive like that, is wrong. Wrong. I'm being wrong. I thought some pretty bad stuff... I wanna go blow up to some people right now. But I'm not going to...
Okay. Casting Crowns is very helpful right now.
I need to love people like Jesus, who ate dinner with the 'tax-collectors and sinners', and let the lady with the loose hair wash his feet. People struggle. People don't understand. People are swallowed up in the darkness and sin of this world and lured by temptation from the Devil. I'm not one of them... and I can't condemn them. I've just got to do what I can. I HAVE to stick to God. No. Matter. What.
Some quotes from my friend, from a thread on a site where 'proselyetize is 'not allowed.' He wrote them a long time ago. In my blog, he's Sam. He's changed. He's struggling. He's not like the people who condemned him in that thread, but he's hurting. He needs to heal and come back to Christ. He was so devout and 'overzealous' to some... he may have sounded like a bit of an advertisement to some, may have been 'shoving' his 'religion' down their throats.
..."but you must know that winning people to christ is an amazing thing. why should it not be allowed? what if someone didn't answer to this topic but read it and understood it and the holy spirit took over. what if that somebody is saved right now from the firey clutches of eternal Hell. you can't honestly think that going to Hell for all eternity is any better than going to Heaven with a few people you don't like. i can guarentee that anyone in Hell right now would gladly switch lives with any one of you. Hell is NOT a good place to be. and to think that Jesus died a long and painful death on the cross just to give us a second chance to get in to Heaven is just unbelievable!!! and yet some do not see that and don't want to because it might make them afraid or it might hurt their feelings! that makes it our job as christians to give as many people as humanly possible a chance at going to Heaven and staying out of the clutches of the Devil who would kill just to make sure we don't find God! Jesus could come back tomarrow morning or an hour even and he is going to collect the souls that trust in him and leave the unbelivers here on Earth where if they are not killed will suffer years of Satan's wrath! it is the christian's job to win people to Christ and you're not going to tell me i can't do it because it's against the rules. because i might make some people feel sad. that's a price i am willing to take if it means keeping people out of the fiery trenches of Hell!!! some of you might think that Satan is your friend. that Satan is here to help but he's not! he tricks you into thinking he's your friend so that when you turn around he can stab you in the back and God's the only person who can save you from that! So believe what you want to believe everybody but you'll be wishing you would've paid a little more attention in Sunday School when Jesus comes."Those Who Seek God Will Be Rewarded"- Hebrews 11:6"
"Yay! i didn't know so many people were christians! it's GREAT isn't it?! and *insert username of member here*, you don't have to go to hell you know. as long as you accept christ as your lord and savior and say the sinner's prayer, you don't have to go to hell. that's the free gift Jesus Christ gave us when he willingly died on the cross. isn't that just amazing! God doesn't want you to go to hell. that's why he gave his only son to die on the cross for OUR sins. Jesus didn't sin once in his entire life. he was literally PERFECT. and yet he died on the cross for us anyway! you see, God doesn't want to go to hell. Jesus died on the cross so that we could have the chance to get into Heaven. it's a free gift The Lord gave to sinners. and we are all sinners by the way. it's your choice if you want to accept the gift given to you by The Lord Jesus Christ who loves you so much he would die for YOU! it's never too late to get saved. but don't wait! you could pass way as you sleep tonight. it's a scary thing to imagine but happens much to often. it's not such a scary thing however once you get saved. because the second you get saved, you're going to Heaven. so then when you go to bed, thinking you may pass away right where you're laying, it's not so scary. because now, you know that if you were to die, you're going to Heaven. Forever. Where you can see Jesus. The one you call, your Lord and Savior. May God be with you all. And all who did not post. The Lord loves you all. Just the same."
How can people fall apart? He's straying... I need to be there for him.
New favorite band-
Casting Crowns
I'm almost crying right now. It feels like how I used to look at the old church directory pictures, and see this huge family of about 9, all smiling, a couple of pouting teenagers, and this grinning little, 7-year-old boy, who looked like the kid from Steuart Little (2002 directory), and then look at the most recent directory, from 2006, and... knowing how the family split... 5 people. In that picture. His parents divorced. Sister, or whoever the girl was, grew up. I know she's alive, because I tried to reach someone of their last name through an operator, and they tried to get me there. The boy had longer hair now, different glasses, a faint smile, pale skin. I knew there was more behind that, however.
This boy was Mark.
And he still is Mark. It seemed he'd had trouble talking to me about his family, and when he did, none of the stories were happy. It wasn't like my novel boy, or like Troy Abbort, it wasn't like he was being physically abused, or neglected, but his family... definitely had dysfunction. I never got extreme specifics. But I knew some things. His parents divorced.
I got told something about cousins and adoption and aunts and uncles in car crashes from someone else, not from Mark, but I don't know exactly what happened...
He was hurting too.
My friend, a girl, lost, and searching. She says she's a Christian. But I think she might just be 'religious', at the times she is. I hate that word... I am not religious. I have a relationship with Christ. He is my Lord, my Savior, my Heavenly father. He's a friend. He shouldn't be as distant as I put him off, but He IS my friend.
Either way, her faith... I don't know if she understands. She's had crappy boyfriends. Tons of them. One of them, a drug-addicted, cheating, player, tried to get her to do things she absolutely DIDN'T want to do. She told me in the summer before sixth grade that she had kissed a girl. She's obssessed with boys. She doesn't want to get pregnant, or have sex or any of that. She just 'loves' them. But everytime she gets into a relationship, everytime a boy hurts her by cheating on her, or breaking up with her for some stupid reason, I watch her get hurt. I hear her over the phone, angry and hurt. I hear her. I'm one of the so-called 'few' people she's told that she was bi. I don't call her enough. I need to talk to her. And though I'm so quick to say something wrong is fun, or anything of the like, jokingly, I can't confront someone about something like that. I can't do that. I can't shove my faith down my throat. Even my youth pastor says not to do that. But I have to tell her it's wrong somehow... though, if she accepts Christ as her savior in truth, and believes in Him fully, is her sin not forgiven? Most likely it is forgiven. But to repeat that, again and again.
Her boyfriends are the ones who have the problems. She's torn apart inside, I know it. Her mom, she doesn't even know her mom's age. Her mom is rather overweight; she got one of those gastric bypass surgeries, or something of the like, and she just wants the best for her daughter; she doesn't seem to know that much about her daughter's relationships, or her preference. She let her transfer schools when the one she went to wasn't working out, however. But putting a bunch of troubled, high-risk kids, in ONE school... how does that help? I suppose it could... but the bullying... cutting, suicidal thoughts... I guess you can't really blame a school for that. But it's so much easier, isn't it? I wasn't there for her when she was like that. I wasn't there. I wasn't there to listen. I need to call her... check up on her... just be her friend, at the very least.
I am deathly afraid of any of my friends going to anywhere other than Heaven. Maybe it's wrong... to think like that. Just because I want them with me. It's not as though I'll be lonely. I don't know what my motives are sometimes. I do, however, honestly, want them all to get saved, and share my joy. And feel God's love surrounding them. I want them to be there to know that.
I could list all my friends and my friends' various problems right now.
But that's not the point... I need to be here for those who are CLOSE to me. Not just online. And not just the few people that I actually, selfishly, choose to call during the day. The people that need someone, are the ones I need to talk to. Lord, please help me... give me your guidance.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
I NEED TO WRITE!!!!
Screw explanations. (I-I... I mean... yeah, I mean screw explanations. )
I need to write. I just have to. A series of random songs and poems off the top of my head.
I need to write. I just have to. A series of random songs and poems off the top of my head.
Come Home Soon
(v.1)
I hate when I have to anticipate your arrival time
You need to come home soon
This has happened way too
Many times
You need to come home
Call the phone, because I know
You can
The line was busy, but I'm sorry
Come home soon
Every time, since I was a little girl
I'd wait, praying for you desperately
You'd come home, late, or in the morning
For your various reasons
And now it's time for this again
I'm trying not to think that you will come home safely
Because I'm afraid that will jinx what has happened before
I need to give it up to God, and pray that you'll come home
I need to stop worrying so much
(chorus)
But everytime you take so long
Past 8:30, and you're still not back yet
You need to give us a call
I don't care if it's 2 in the morning
When you're out for some wrong reason
Or anything excusable
We all just need to hear your voice
Because we love you
Come home soon
(v.2)
I'm waiting for you to call
I know I shouldn't be anxious
And I know whatever God's will is
It will happen
Please keep driving
Hurry home
Have you called the cell?
Are you on your way?
Where are you?
Did you know one night at home
And during a storm
I don't remember how old I was, but I stared at the window
Sobbing
Not knowing if you were coming home or not
But you still did...
I pray everything's alright
(chorus)
(song ending)
We love you
Come home soon
I don't care what you've done in the past
We still love you
All of us
Your heart is looking toward God
And we trust him to bring you safely back to us
---------
My Personal Jacob (a poem)
We never said those things out loud
The words upon our minds
The words 'I love you'
Or, 'You're Beautiful'
Or anything like that
We were best friends for just so long
And I guess it developed into something else
We tried that relationship once, and it faded
And yet, the feelings went on
But when you took someone else to your heart
I wandered off, and thought I'd moved on
I found someone else
I thought I loved him too
And then those weeks where 'we' fluttered
Things unsure
And then you told me things I thought I'd never hear
And it was hard to say no to you
And every word I said
About love and everything
I meant that
But I'm not sure how I meant it
And then we both were left without boyfriend or girlfriend
And you wanted me
Did I really want you?
I thought about 'him' all the time...
And yet I said yes
A weeklong relationship, we tried again
Your arm around my neck
On a ferris wheel
Next to a friend, who was another girl
Who also previously liked you; one of your best friends
And on a ski lift, I got my first kiss
From that other boy I 'loved'
Next to one of my best friends
I wonder if they were jealous, or nervous, or just weirded out
I don't know myself anymore
Or at least what emotions are
Or what they mean
Or what I'm feeling
It's hard to distinguish anything
When I think about you and him
But my personal Jacob Black, you know I love you too
Maybe not the way you want, and I know for you
It won't be enough
When you joked about six years later, coming to my house
To meet my parents
We would be nineteen
Or at least I would
How could I tear that dream apart for you?
Did you really want that?
I did, though, didn't I?
Do you still want to be my friend?
I received your message
One-liners, no replies
On the chat
Even with the jokes...
Or whatever that is
Are you still hurt?
Is there anything I can do?
What is there I can do?
Please...
I don't want to lose you.
------------
And these lyrics aren't mine...
Broken and Beautiful, by Mark Schultz
There’s a businessman, there’s a widowed wife
A smiling face with a shattered life
A teenage girl with a choice to make
It’s crowded here in church today
And the preacher says as the sermon ends
“Please close your eyes, bow your heads
Is there anyone in need of prayer,
Oh Jesus wants to meet you here”
Cause we all fall short, and we all have sinned
But when you let, God’s grace break in
(Chorus)
It’s Beautiful, Beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful
Well he’d never been to church before
But he came today as a last resort
His world was crashing in
And he was suffocating in his sin
But tears rolled down as hope rushed in
He closed his eyes, raised his hands
Worshipping the God who can
Bring him back to life again
(Chorus)
And it’s beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful
Cause there’s nothing more beautiful at all
Than when His sons and daughters call, broken
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Come as you are Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Come as you are
(Chorus)
Broken and beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful
Come as you are
Broken and beautiful, beautiful
Come as you are
Surrender your heart
Broken and beautiful
Broken and beautiful
Broken and beautiful
Beautiful
((^This song is so incredible. I love it. It is truly amazing.))
I Live For You
(v.1)
Your love is eternal
Your creation is here
Lord, you are beautiful
Your words I can hear
Just when I see that creation
Yet, with all Your power, Your wonder
Your perfection
You love me
(chorus)
You sent Your son to the earth
To give his life
For me
For the world
A gift
We need to accept
To be with you
And that's where I want to be
(v.2)
I am sinful
I live in the world
That has been darkened by sin
And yet, I ask for your forgiveness
And my sins are no more
Your will is my will
Your glory is my purpose in life
(chorus)
(bridge; your love is deep, by Jami Smith)
Your love is deeper than my view of grace
Higher than this worldly place
Longer than this road I travel
Wider than the gap you fill (x2)
(chorus, x2)
I want to go where you want me to
Dear Lord
Your glory is my purpose.
^My first Christian/Worship song I've ever written down.
I Want to Live For You
(v.1)
Even in this world of darkness
The threatens to close in
You are here
You are the light
Even in this place of sorrow
That wishes to swallow us up
You are here
Our comforter
(chorus)
Dear Lord
Your love stretches high and low
Surrounding us
Your life was given for us
You love us so very much
The least I can do
Is live for you
(v.2)
Even when we run from you
We can always come back
Your open arms
Welcome
The prodigals
You're coming back for us
You're calling us to spread Your Word
You love us so much
(chorus)
(bridge)
I want to live for You
I want to live for You
I want to live for You
I want to live for You
(chorus, x2)
I have so much more I need to write right now. SO MUCH. Thank you, Lord!
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