The link I have on Snapvine (voice blog whateverz site) is in the link of the title. Click it, AND DON'T LISTEN TO ME SINGING!!!! BECAUSE I SERIOUSLY SUCK RIGHT NOW! I'm going to re-record me singing and maybe edit it on here later.
Anyway, HIIIIII! I'm really sorry I haven't updated in forever!
If you've recentely read Leah's blog, about the Remedy Drive and Children 18:3 concert, you should. It's a pretty sufficient summary of that AWESOME concert! XD Also, I touched Dave's sweaty arm... heheheheh. Leah and I are going to be decidedly groupie-ish/fangirl-y of Remedy Drive now. XD No offense to Nattie. I love Nathaniel. :)
Well... IT IS SUMMER! I got out on Friday, June 5th, which was a day of pretty much nothing academically related except for the eighth grade graduation, which was hardly anything like that. XD It was AWESOME though. The teachers are HILARIOUS; they filmed skits of how they would remember us eighth graders, and it was loaded with inside jokes, but it was so funny. I suppose I like my small-town school for that. We can all make fun of each other, and just have it be... fun. And everyone can be close enough to their teachers, you know? It's pretty cool. :)
Like I said, I'll be gone this Thursday-Monday. June 11th through June 14. Ella (mymindisagraveyard-deadthingsareinit.blogspot.com) will also be gone then. :) It's gonna be pretty awesome. XD The girl's cabin trip with my youth-y group-y stuffs. :3 :D
Hopefully, it won't be so cold and wet then so we can enjoy our time on the lake and everything. :D I enjoy life. XD :)
Anyway, it's been pretty good lately. Just giving ya'll a little update. I might be posting some fiction/poetry sometime soon. :) Also, I'd like to advise you to visit this blog:
http://thisdreamthing.blogspot.com/
It's Ella's new blog. I know alllll about her dream, so it's safe to say: GOOD DREAM, GOOD STORY, YOU MUST READ IT. :D :)
Anyway, thanks for reading guys! Love you all! God bless! :)
~Aly
(Anyway, I gave up on singing Say When by The Fray. Here's me sucking again.
http://www.snapvine.com/sb/b94d4aa8544a11de979b0030485b0f88?user=475e261af5f511dc81880030485b0f88
Strawberry Swing by Coldplay. Yeah... it sounds like I have a cold or something like that... xP *sigh* Oh well. Maybe you can find the good in this singing suckiness, because I can't. xP I'm probably going to keep singing on my Snapvine today, though... maybe I'll get better with some 'practice'. Love you all again! God bless! :) )
Monday, June 8, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Man, I need to start getting creative with these titles... (dates, poem, rant, etc.)
Yeah, I really do. Thanks guys so much for reading my blog like you do! I just thought I'd update a bit on life (probably gonna get into some more ventlike poetry at some point, though... heh. *sigh).
You guys still rock for reading this when I update so incredibly sporadically.
Well, I have... five days of school left. I have a few assignments left to do, but today was the big day for all the main meat assignments in my main classes, which is very, very good. I am so relieved to be over with all that. I have some english finals and other tests next week, but I'm not so spazzed out over all of that. I should probably be studying though... heh. I don't study much. I get alright grades (A's and B's mostly), but I could study more... things used to come so naturally to me when I was younger, but now... meh.
Ah well. Hmm... Well, it's WAAAY past the date, but my one year Blog-a-versary came around on May 5 of this month, which is almost over.
Other important dates:
My parents' 16th anneversary came on May 25. Weehoo! :D
And... Tommorrow, is my one-month annaversary of dating Nathaniel the Awesome. :)
He is a really amazing person, with incredible writing talent, so kind, so smart, and always, always makes me smile. So thank you Nathaniel. :)
Some other dates:
June 11-14- I will be gone on a girls' cabin trip with some girls in my youth group. We're going up to someone's family cabin and hangin' out there for those four days, and I'm pretty sure it'll be cool. :)
And in July at some point (keep you guys posted later), I'll be going on a trip with my youth group to Colorado, to a cabin in the mountains, for a retreat. It'll be really interesting, so, like the mission trip to Rapid City, South Dakota last year, I might post a bit about that before and after.
And this Sunday, May 31st, I will be going to this radio show's 20th year annaversary "Open House" at one of the churches in the city nearby, where the band that played at Districts Blitz (the Christian conference deal I attended this year, and the last, and the last...) REMEDY DRIVE will be playing.
Remedy Drive is amazing. Just sayin'. Look 'em up cuz they rock. I have two of the dudes' autographs and they are AMAZING.
I love Remedy Drive.
Anyway...
To that poetry I was talking about.
Love you guys! God bless! <3 ^^ :) Once again, I must say, you all rock. :)
To Vent
People apologize after letting out
That explosion they've held in
Loud yelling, screaming, typing
Swearing
Just to let it all out.
But if they've been holding it in,
Well, let them let it out.
It's not good to suppress,
The negative
Emotions that we feel.
To hide the negativity
Inside, and let it boil up
To explode onto someone undeserving, unassociated, and unnecessarily.
Let it out.
There's a listening ear,
Up Above,
And I'm here to.
Let it go, let it out.
Let me know. I won't mind.
You can vent into your pillow,
Your diary, your blog.
Or tell it to a friend,
Willing to listen, without a word,
If that is what you need.
And as I've said, I'm here too,
A friend to talk to.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I guess that's it for today. I don't really have anything I need to vent myself, so... yeah. I love all of you guys! God bless you! <3 *huggles everyone* You are all awesome individuals. :)
You guys still rock for reading this when I update so incredibly sporadically.
Well, I have... five days of school left. I have a few assignments left to do, but today was the big day for all the main meat assignments in my main classes, which is very, very good. I am so relieved to be over with all that. I have some english finals and other tests next week, but I'm not so spazzed out over all of that. I should probably be studying though... heh. I don't study much. I get alright grades (A's and B's mostly), but I could study more... things used to come so naturally to me when I was younger, but now... meh.
Ah well. Hmm... Well, it's WAAAY past the date, but my one year Blog-a-versary came around on May 5 of this month, which is almost over.
Other important dates:
My parents' 16th anneversary came on May 25. Weehoo! :D
And... Tommorrow, is my one-month annaversary of dating Nathaniel the Awesome. :)
He is a really amazing person, with incredible writing talent, so kind, so smart, and always, always makes me smile. So thank you Nathaniel. :)
Some other dates:
June 11-14- I will be gone on a girls' cabin trip with some girls in my youth group. We're going up to someone's family cabin and hangin' out there for those four days, and I'm pretty sure it'll be cool. :)
And in July at some point (keep you guys posted later), I'll be going on a trip with my youth group to Colorado, to a cabin in the mountains, for a retreat. It'll be really interesting, so, like the mission trip to Rapid City, South Dakota last year, I might post a bit about that before and after.
And this Sunday, May 31st, I will be going to this radio show's 20th year annaversary "Open House" at one of the churches in the city nearby, where the band that played at Districts Blitz (the Christian conference deal I attended this year, and the last, and the last...) REMEDY DRIVE will be playing.
Remedy Drive is amazing. Just sayin'. Look 'em up cuz they rock. I have two of the dudes' autographs and they are AMAZING.
I love Remedy Drive.
Anyway...
To that poetry I was talking about.
Love you guys! God bless! <3 ^^ :) Once again, I must say, you all rock. :)
To Vent
People apologize after letting out
That explosion they've held in
Loud yelling, screaming, typing
Swearing
Just to let it all out.
But if they've been holding it in,
Well, let them let it out.
It's not good to suppress,
The negative
Emotions that we feel.
To hide the negativity
Inside, and let it boil up
To explode onto someone undeserving, unassociated, and unnecessarily.
Let it out.
There's a listening ear,
Up Above,
And I'm here to.
Let it go, let it out.
Let me know. I won't mind.
You can vent into your pillow,
Your diary, your blog.
Or tell it to a friend,
Willing to listen, without a word,
If that is what you need.
And as I've said, I'm here too,
A friend to talk to.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I guess that's it for today. I don't really have anything I need to vent myself, so... yeah. I love all of you guys! God bless you! <3 *huggles everyone* You are all awesome individuals. :)
Thursday, May 14, 2009
More poetry.
To the Ones Who want to Reach the Hurting
Hey Mark,
And anyone else,
Who knows what I'm saying.
When you're watching
Your friends' hearts breaking
Hurting, pain, tears,
Anger,
Screaming, bitterness,
Pray for them, hope for healing, pray for healing.
Trust.
When you're watching,
Families ripped apart,
Even if its your own,
Don't give up hope.
Don't carry anything on your own.
You don't need to.
When they need
Someone to hold them,
Be there
With open arms.
Try not
To give advice
At a bad time.
Listen to them,
Be supportive,
No matter what.
Help them,
To make the right decision.
To go farther,
Past the pain.
But know,
As much as it stings,
And burns,
That you do not make their decisions.
That you cannot make them change,
Or make their situations change entirely.
Pray, pray for their lives,
Their hearts,
Families, their friends.
Time may not heal, but God truly does.
All scars can be gone,
And tears wiped away.
Don't lose faith, or hope,
Don't look at them so hopelessly.
Know that you
And they
Have it.
Love them infinitely, unconditionally,
Love them like the Lord does us.
Know you're not alone,
In caring for these broken people,
In our broken world.
We are broken too,
But Jesus makes us whole,
We are hurting too,
But I do not feel hopeless.
Give them love,
Be kind, caring, unconditionally loving,
Speak the words that need to be spoken.
No one is alone.
Hey Mark,
And anyone else,
Who knows what I'm saying.
When you're watching
Your friends' hearts breaking
Hurting, pain, tears,
Anger,
Screaming, bitterness,
Pray for them, hope for healing, pray for healing.
Trust.
When you're watching,
Families ripped apart,
Even if its your own,
Don't give up hope.
Don't carry anything on your own.
You don't need to.
When they need
Someone to hold them,
Be there
With open arms.
Try not
To give advice
At a bad time.
Listen to them,
Be supportive,
No matter what.
Help them,
To make the right decision.
To go farther,
Past the pain.
But know,
As much as it stings,
And burns,
That you do not make their decisions.
That you cannot make them change,
Or make their situations change entirely.
Pray, pray for their lives,
Their hearts,
Families, their friends.
Time may not heal, but God truly does.
All scars can be gone,
And tears wiped away.
Don't lose faith, or hope,
Don't look at them so hopelessly.
Know that you
And they
Have it.
Love them infinitely, unconditionally,
Love them like the Lord does us.
Know you're not alone,
In caring for these broken people,
In our broken world.
We are broken too,
But Jesus makes us whole,
We are hurting too,
But I do not feel hopeless.
Give them love,
Be kind, caring, unconditionally loving,
Speak the words that need to be spoken.
No one is alone.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Some poetry. I'm not even sure I should share these... so be careful.
Contradictory Personality
Imperfections
Imperfections, flaws, things to destroy
Memories to forget
Actions to regret
Things to say and do
Resisting
Holding back
For fear
Of judgment
Thoughts not to be thought
Wrongs not to be done
Roads not to be walked
Words that should not be spoken
Uncleanliness
All over me
I only see
What's wrong with me
And then I see
Too far right
Arrogance may overtake
To cause a fall
And then back again
To the wrong
Again and again.
God forgives me
When I've asked.
God forgave me.
When I let Him in.
I don't forgive myself
That easily.
I don't hold back.
All the time.
When I should,
I say,
What I shouldn't.
Or don't say anything
At all.
Undeserved
Sometimes I can't stand
The words you say
To me
Because they're just too sweet
And to untrue
And you don't know
Who you're talking to.
Maybe you do, maybe a little.
From what I've said
And what you've read.
But not the ugly me
I've been and can be
Inside.
You don't want to meet that girl,
I wouldn't want to tell you.
But would you still say
The words you do
If I let you know,
The worst I've been?
It pains me every time
To see those words,
Words on the screen,
The sweet, the kind, the loving,
Gosh, if you only knew
Who I've been.
Is it just the past?
Perhaps.
We all have regrets.
Even God forgave me, justified me.
That amazes me, amazes me incredibly.
Do you ever feel like the worst person on Earth?
Even when you aren't?
Does it not matter?
It doesn't matter in God's eyes,
When we ask for His forgiveness.
But Dear Lord, You are too amazing.
Far, incredible,
Grace, Mercy, Justice, Love.
How the Lord does that for me, and all who accept Him
Is so incredible to me.
Beyond my comprehension, His love, capacity to forgive.
And I know it's undeserved.
Yet it is His mercy.
Undeserving I am of His grace.
And I feel that way sometimes,
Even to the other loving people of His creation.
Undeserved is every word,
Or so it feels sometimes.
Every Word
Happiness, joy, love
I write.
Smiling faces,
No pain, no comments of the negative sort.
Finding every kind word to say to me.
So much joy I feel from you.
A gift you are to me,
A person who encourages me,
He's got a purpose for everything
And everyone.
And the people who touch my life.
You will not soon be forgotten
I will not let you go,
I won't walk away,
I promise.
If I break it,
Then give me your worst.
Because you don't deserve that,
You deserve much better,
Some days, you deserve better than me.
Touch the sky,
Hear His voice soon, please.
We have a reason that we're here
And the way we are.
And for why we've met
And spoken,
And become this close, this way,
For love is more, always more, than what we can describe.
Beyond impossible boundaries, endless.
The word is not
Empty.
So, let us use it full.
Let us speak it true.
We're young, with futures that may grow apart
Tears gather in my eyes at the thought,
But if this is temporary, let us use love full.
We won't grow apart.
In our hearts.
Not soon forgotten,
Will you be,
When you're so near to me,
Yet so far.
The miles,
Don't matter
To me.
Nothing
Will come
Between us if it's true,
What we say, and what we do,
For each other.
It's too true.
You mean so much to me,
So, so much.
So let us stay close tonight
Even so far away,
It doesn't matter.
Nothing comes between us.
Being realistic doesn't apply,
When I realize
The words you say to me,
So sincere, so genuine.
I am still in awe.
Stay close, even so far,
We won't ever mean "goodbye"
On this earth, for real
Because it won't a be a "good" bye without you,
And we won't forget.
Left a mark, on my heart, forever, through your words.
So sweet, so kind, so loving.
You amaze me.
Imperfections
Imperfections, flaws, things to destroy
Memories to forget
Actions to regret
Things to say and do
Resisting
Holding back
For fear
Of judgment
Thoughts not to be thought
Wrongs not to be done
Roads not to be walked
Words that should not be spoken
Uncleanliness
All over me
I only see
What's wrong with me
And then I see
Too far right
Arrogance may overtake
To cause a fall
And then back again
To the wrong
Again and again.
God forgives me
When I've asked.
God forgave me.
When I let Him in.
I don't forgive myself
That easily.
I don't hold back.
All the time.
When I should,
I say,
What I shouldn't.
Or don't say anything
At all.
Undeserved
Sometimes I can't stand
The words you say
To me
Because they're just too sweet
And to untrue
And you don't know
Who you're talking to.
Maybe you do, maybe a little.
From what I've said
And what you've read.
But not the ugly me
I've been and can be
Inside.
You don't want to meet that girl,
I wouldn't want to tell you.
But would you still say
The words you do
If I let you know,
The worst I've been?
It pains me every time
To see those words,
Words on the screen,
The sweet, the kind, the loving,
Gosh, if you only knew
Who I've been.
Is it just the past?
Perhaps.
We all have regrets.
Even God forgave me, justified me.
That amazes me, amazes me incredibly.
Do you ever feel like the worst person on Earth?
Even when you aren't?
Does it not matter?
It doesn't matter in God's eyes,
When we ask for His forgiveness.
But Dear Lord, You are too amazing.
Far, incredible,
Grace, Mercy, Justice, Love.
How the Lord does that for me, and all who accept Him
Is so incredible to me.
Beyond my comprehension, His love, capacity to forgive.
And I know it's undeserved.
Yet it is His mercy.
Undeserving I am of His grace.
And I feel that way sometimes,
Even to the other loving people of His creation.
Undeserved is every word,
Or so it feels sometimes.
Every Word
Happiness, joy, love
I write.
Smiling faces,
No pain, no comments of the negative sort.
Finding every kind word to say to me.
So much joy I feel from you.
A gift you are to me,
A person who encourages me,
He's got a purpose for everything
And everyone.
And the people who touch my life.
You will not soon be forgotten
I will not let you go,
I won't walk away,
I promise.
If I break it,
Then give me your worst.
Because you don't deserve that,
You deserve much better,
Some days, you deserve better than me.
Touch the sky,
Hear His voice soon, please.
We have a reason that we're here
And the way we are.
And for why we've met
And spoken,
And become this close, this way,
For love is more, always more, than what we can describe.
Beyond impossible boundaries, endless.
The word is not
Empty.
So, let us use it full.
Let us speak it true.
We're young, with futures that may grow apart
Tears gather in my eyes at the thought,
But if this is temporary, let us use love full.
We won't grow apart.
In our hearts.
Not soon forgotten,
Will you be,
When you're so near to me,
Yet so far.
The miles,
Don't matter
To me.
Nothing
Will come
Between us if it's true,
What we say, and what we do,
For each other.
It's too true.
You mean so much to me,
So, so much.
So let us stay close tonight
Even so far away,
It doesn't matter.
Nothing comes between us.
Being realistic doesn't apply,
When I realize
The words you say to me,
So sincere, so genuine.
I am still in awe.
Stay close, even so far,
We won't ever mean "goodbye"
On this earth, for real
Because it won't a be a "good" bye without you,
And we won't forget.
Left a mark, on my heart, forever, through your words.
So sweet, so kind, so loving.
You amaze me.
Friday, May 8, 2009
On another note. (Thanks, an "announcement", and some other things)
I really hope you didn't see the almost-post before this. I deleted it. Too much. Right now, I'd like to give thanks to God, and the great best friend He's blessed me with, Leah. She really knows how to listen and be there for me, praying, talking, laughing, listening, joking around--everything. And she's really awesome in general.
And all of you guys are awesome.
Well, I think Nattie and I have some news (I hope you don't mind me putting this in my blog):
We are "going out". ^^' <3
It's really great, and we really like each other, and, as we all know, Nathaniel is amazing. o.o
<333
Last night was the National Day of Prayer. I attended the meeting at one of our churches in a nearby city, and I prayed for an event called Carefest.
(http://www.rochestercarefest.org/)
I've worked at Carefest with my family the past 3 years, and it has been quite the experience. I love it. I really do. We help people with their homes, and various organizations around the city, including schools, churches, homeless shelters, other shelters, etc. It's really great.
Basically, we do service projects of various types, based on the home or organization's needs. Like painting, or staining wood, or building sheds, or cleaning lockers, or organizing things. Things like that, and more tedious work, like replacing appliances, or rebuilding things. Lots of stuff.
It's really, really fun, and it really touches lives out in that town.
It's a great event. :)
And I was honored to pray for it.
Once again, I had some, I guess I could call it, "leader anxiety". Because a ton of adults at church think of me as a leader, meager little me, as a leader, someone to lead the other youth and impact people in big ways. Maybe they get me mixed up with my dad. xP
But, yeah, my dad and I are very similar when it comes to things at church and stuff.
People in his age group (adults, any age, actually) know him. He practically knows the entirety of that town.
And I know a whole bunch of the little kids at church, and some youth group kids.
The youth leaders think that I'm a good influence, that I am really growing in my faith.
I guess I have a fear of flaw-discovery when it comes to other people. They don't really know me. They don't see me in school, when I back up and don't say anything about God when I have the perfect interval. When I'm violent, or when I'm angry, or when I'm sad, or when I'm doubting.
Am I faking my faith when I'm at youth group or youth trips? I don't think so... but they never see the other side of me.
It really was an honor to step up there and pray. And it really makes me feel good to be valued by adults and leaders. It makes me happy when my parents say they're proud of me, especially for my faith.
No one's directly pressuring me to be anything, to do anything. It's just... what if I screwed up in front of them?
Sometimes that really inspires me to keep growing in my faith, to be stronger, so I'll always be a good "leader", or so they think. But sometimes I doubt if that's where I want to be.
I want to help people. But would it be okay if I were just behind the scenes, like my mom? The pillar of prayer?
But I'm all for the communication directly to people, like my dad.
It's all for God's glory, and if I'm gonna be out there, if He calls me to be there, I will be.
Bu sometimes I worry. Really hard, about what I'm doing. I don't think any of the kids even really think me a leader; just the adults. I'm okay with that, but I do worry.
They don't know me like my friends do. My parents don't know me like that.
Sometimes I have that little rebellious instinct, just to go and do something stupid just so they'll stop thinking I'm so good. But that wouldn't be right either.
I guess it's something I'll just have to let go of, bring in to God, let Him handle it. I've gotta live like Jesus, and Peggy. She was not all up front, but she touched lives through friendship and kindness. But that's just how God used her for the good of His children. Wherever He wants me to be, I'll go.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0ihxvCyrWM)
And all of you guys are awesome.
Well, I think Nattie and I have some news (I hope you don't mind me putting this in my blog):
We are "going out". ^^' <3
It's really great, and we really like each other, and, as we all know, Nathaniel is amazing. o.o
<333
Last night was the National Day of Prayer. I attended the meeting at one of our churches in a nearby city, and I prayed for an event called Carefest.
(http://www.rochestercarefest.org/)
I've worked at Carefest with my family the past 3 years, and it has been quite the experience. I love it. I really do. We help people with their homes, and various organizations around the city, including schools, churches, homeless shelters, other shelters, etc. It's really great.
Basically, we do service projects of various types, based on the home or organization's needs. Like painting, or staining wood, or building sheds, or cleaning lockers, or organizing things. Things like that, and more tedious work, like replacing appliances, or rebuilding things. Lots of stuff.
It's really, really fun, and it really touches lives out in that town.
It's a great event. :)
And I was honored to pray for it.
Once again, I had some, I guess I could call it, "leader anxiety". Because a ton of adults at church think of me as a leader, meager little me, as a leader, someone to lead the other youth and impact people in big ways. Maybe they get me mixed up with my dad. xP
But, yeah, my dad and I are very similar when it comes to things at church and stuff.
People in his age group (adults, any age, actually) know him. He practically knows the entirety of that town.
And I know a whole bunch of the little kids at church, and some youth group kids.
The youth leaders think that I'm a good influence, that I am really growing in my faith.
I guess I have a fear of flaw-discovery when it comes to other people. They don't really know me. They don't see me in school, when I back up and don't say anything about God when I have the perfect interval. When I'm violent, or when I'm angry, or when I'm sad, or when I'm doubting.
Am I faking my faith when I'm at youth group or youth trips? I don't think so... but they never see the other side of me.
It really was an honor to step up there and pray. And it really makes me feel good to be valued by adults and leaders. It makes me happy when my parents say they're proud of me, especially for my faith.
No one's directly pressuring me to be anything, to do anything. It's just... what if I screwed up in front of them?
Sometimes that really inspires me to keep growing in my faith, to be stronger, so I'll always be a good "leader", or so they think. But sometimes I doubt if that's where I want to be.
I want to help people. But would it be okay if I were just behind the scenes, like my mom? The pillar of prayer?
But I'm all for the communication directly to people, like my dad.
It's all for God's glory, and if I'm gonna be out there, if He calls me to be there, I will be.
Bu sometimes I worry. Really hard, about what I'm doing. I don't think any of the kids even really think me a leader; just the adults. I'm okay with that, but I do worry.
They don't know me like my friends do. My parents don't know me like that.
Sometimes I have that little rebellious instinct, just to go and do something stupid just so they'll stop thinking I'm so good. But that wouldn't be right either.
I guess it's something I'll just have to let go of, bring in to God, let Him handle it. I've gotta live like Jesus, and Peggy. She was not all up front, but she touched lives through friendship and kindness. But that's just how God used her for the good of His children. Wherever He wants me to be, I'll go.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0ihxvCyrWM)
Friday, May 1, 2009
I Want to Live Like Peg. (You don't have to comment; please do read)
1 For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. 2 We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. 3 For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies.[a] 4 While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. 5 God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit.
6 So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. 7 For we live by believing and not by seeing. 8 Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord.
~2 Corinthians 1-8
^Peg chose to have this verse read at the funeral.
Today, I went to a funeral. And I'm not even really sad, though I am. I need to grieve with those who grieve, and rejoice with those who rejoice. And we had to do a little of both at the celebration of this woman's life today. Her name was Peg, or Peggy, and she was the wife of the Children's Pastor at my church.
She touched so many lives. Her husband says that she was a true imitator of Christ. He said that she taught him the most important part of life was relationships. And that she had a relationship with God so loving that the love spilled out to those lives she touched.
She wasn't an incredible singer, or a strong leader. She was a friend. She had so many friends, she touched so many lives, impacted them, changed them, even lead some to Christ. She loved them the way He loved us.
She believed that 100 years from now it wouldn't matter what kind of cars people drove, or what kind of houses they had, but the differences they made in the lives of others.
I may have mentioned her way earlier in my blog, when she shared some of her testimony to us students at the "after-party" of See You at the Pole.
Peggy was diagnosed with cancer 11 years ago. Three years later, the doctors said she had six months left to live.
She lived 8 years after. She had cancer all over, but no one would know that just by looking at her. She was an amazing woman, with an amazing legacy. Her legacy being that she was a friend, someone who exemplified God's love with her entire being. She said that God let her have cancer because He loved her very much. A good friend of hers who had been battling cancer when she was diagnosed said that she hoped that her cancer would make her as blessed as she was. Blessed with it.
When they were told she had had six months left to live, her and her husband decided not to focus on healing, but giving God the glory. She lived very long and fully. She was incredible. She had simple wisdom and kindness that touched lives.
She wouldt tell this story from one of her favorite books of a man who was being chased by a group of tigers. In order to escape, he went to an end of a cliff with a vine upon it. He climbed down on it, too late before realizing that the vine only reached halfway down, with jagged rocks below. But then the man saw these strawberries growing within reach. He picked one and ate it, finding it to be one of the most wonderful strawberries he had ever tasted.
She didn't focus on the tigers of her past or the rocks of her future, but the strawberries, the blessings of her current day.
She arranged most of her funeral herself, picked out songs and speakers. And this passage from a book, Brennan Manning's "Wisdom Tenderness", was something written by another woman dying, given to her friend, who was Brennan. It was about how one should not cry for her, but for themselves, to cheer and make a joyful noise because she was home with the Lord.
And that was incredible. Man, she was an amazing woman. I didn't really know her very well, but just reading the compliation of writings from people whose lives she touched, and thinking of how her sharing even touched my own life the way it did... man, she was amazing. She still IS amazing. She's home now, and she has no pain, no sorrow, and pure joy. She seemed so content, even in her difficulties.
When her husband spoke in front of the loved ones who attended the service, he said the things that he wanted us to know about her, and what SHE wanted us to know. Including what honored the most--people coming to know her Lord and Savior. She really brought people to Christ. And that is what she called for. And that is what God used her for--to show His love, to lead others to Him, in a gentle, subtle, friendly, sharing way. That's what people said about her in the booklet. That she never preached or lectured, she was so simply wise, and that she spoke to others sharing God, and loved so much.
She was an incredible woman.
Her husband brought up the question "why". Why did she have to go, if she had done so much, with all that was left? Because, perhaps, God wanted to bring in more Peggy's. That we need more people like her. We can't be like her without having that intimate relationship that she had with God.
I want to be like that. I want to be like her, I want to love God, and love people. Love God so much that the love just flows over. And I want to be gentle like her. And I want to live a legacy, one that impacts the people the way she did. I am not Peg, nor will I ever be, but I want to give myself to God so that He can be glorified through me, the way she did. I want touch lives through Him.
I don't know about you guys. God did give a choice. He knew from the beginning that Adam and Eve would make the choice to sin. But He loved us enough not to leave us completely seperated from Him; that's why He gave His Son, that's why He died on the cross for our sins. For our screw-ups. And that's why people like Peg can exist, can touch lives the way they do. Love people the way they do. Because they have Jesus' love in them.
I want to live like that. I'm aiming for that. I'm giving myself over to God. As completely as I can. I won't be perfect; I can't be. But I will live for Him and for others. That is what I must do. I'll let everyone make their choice, but I pray that I can live like her--show God's love through my relationships, in them. To all, just like Jesus, and how his disciple Peg did.
6 So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. 7 For we live by believing and not by seeing. 8 Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord.
~2 Corinthians 1-8
^Peg chose to have this verse read at the funeral.
Today, I went to a funeral. And I'm not even really sad, though I am. I need to grieve with those who grieve, and rejoice with those who rejoice. And we had to do a little of both at the celebration of this woman's life today. Her name was Peg, or Peggy, and she was the wife of the Children's Pastor at my church.
She touched so many lives. Her husband says that she was a true imitator of Christ. He said that she taught him the most important part of life was relationships. And that she had a relationship with God so loving that the love spilled out to those lives she touched.
She wasn't an incredible singer, or a strong leader. She was a friend. She had so many friends, she touched so many lives, impacted them, changed them, even lead some to Christ. She loved them the way He loved us.
She believed that 100 years from now it wouldn't matter what kind of cars people drove, or what kind of houses they had, but the differences they made in the lives of others.
I may have mentioned her way earlier in my blog, when she shared some of her testimony to us students at the "after-party" of See You at the Pole.
Peggy was diagnosed with cancer 11 years ago. Three years later, the doctors said she had six months left to live.
She lived 8 years after. She had cancer all over, but no one would know that just by looking at her. She was an amazing woman, with an amazing legacy. Her legacy being that she was a friend, someone who exemplified God's love with her entire being. She said that God let her have cancer because He loved her very much. A good friend of hers who had been battling cancer when she was diagnosed said that she hoped that her cancer would make her as blessed as she was. Blessed with it.
When they were told she had had six months left to live, her and her husband decided not to focus on healing, but giving God the glory. She lived very long and fully. She was incredible. She had simple wisdom and kindness that touched lives.
She wouldt tell this story from one of her favorite books of a man who was being chased by a group of tigers. In order to escape, he went to an end of a cliff with a vine upon it. He climbed down on it, too late before realizing that the vine only reached halfway down, with jagged rocks below. But then the man saw these strawberries growing within reach. He picked one and ate it, finding it to be one of the most wonderful strawberries he had ever tasted.
She didn't focus on the tigers of her past or the rocks of her future, but the strawberries, the blessings of her current day.
She arranged most of her funeral herself, picked out songs and speakers. And this passage from a book, Brennan Manning's "Wisdom Tenderness", was something written by another woman dying, given to her friend, who was Brennan. It was about how one should not cry for her, but for themselves, to cheer and make a joyful noise because she was home with the Lord.
And that was incredible. Man, she was an amazing woman. I didn't really know her very well, but just reading the compliation of writings from people whose lives she touched, and thinking of how her sharing even touched my own life the way it did... man, she was amazing. She still IS amazing. She's home now, and she has no pain, no sorrow, and pure joy. She seemed so content, even in her difficulties.
When her husband spoke in front of the loved ones who attended the service, he said the things that he wanted us to know about her, and what SHE wanted us to know. Including what honored the most--people coming to know her Lord and Savior. She really brought people to Christ. And that is what she called for. And that is what God used her for--to show His love, to lead others to Him, in a gentle, subtle, friendly, sharing way. That's what people said about her in the booklet. That she never preached or lectured, she was so simply wise, and that she spoke to others sharing God, and loved so much.
She was an incredible woman.
Her husband brought up the question "why". Why did she have to go, if she had done so much, with all that was left? Because, perhaps, God wanted to bring in more Peggy's. That we need more people like her. We can't be like her without having that intimate relationship that she had with God.
I want to be like that. I want to be like her, I want to love God, and love people. Love God so much that the love just flows over. And I want to be gentle like her. And I want to live a legacy, one that impacts the people the way she did. I am not Peg, nor will I ever be, but I want to give myself to God so that He can be glorified through me, the way she did. I want touch lives through Him.
I don't know about you guys. God did give a choice. He knew from the beginning that Adam and Eve would make the choice to sin. But He loved us enough not to leave us completely seperated from Him; that's why He gave His Son, that's why He died on the cross for our sins. For our screw-ups. And that's why people like Peg can exist, can touch lives the way they do. Love people the way they do. Because they have Jesus' love in them.
I want to live like that. I'm aiming for that. I'm giving myself over to God. As completely as I can. I won't be perfect; I can't be. But I will live for Him and for others. That is what I must do. I'll let everyone make their choice, but I pray that I can live like her--show God's love through my relationships, in them. To all, just like Jesus, and how his disciple Peg did.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Me and My Flaws and Jared and My Brother and God and life and math tests
Let me start with Districts, the Christian conference I went to in Duluth this weekend. It was really, really awesome. I did learn a lot. I've gotta learn how to defend my faith better though. And... just learn how to be more consistent in my actions and what God wants me to do and who He wants me to be. I need to be more patient, less critical, less... erm, sometimes crudely humored. That's just an inconsistency thing. The whole James chapter 3 thing, taming the tongue and all that... important stuff.
Also, gotta be less judgmental... less quick to talk... less hypocritical...
I know it sounds like I'm just listing off flaws, but you know, it's better for me I think, to think of what I need to improve and how than just... sit and wallow in it. I used to do that all the time.
Need to read my Bible more consistently. Definitely that one. .-.
Okay, Districts peepz didn't tell me that exactly, but that's just what I think I need to change. I might talk about getting there a little later. (My hypocrisy coming out there... xP )
Soooo... today.... standardized/statewide/whatever test for math. xP I screwed up on a constructed response question (where it's open ended and you have to fill it out yourself and show your work and stuff). So that kinda sucked. But it was okay.
My brother and "Jared" sorta kinda fought today. Jared is a jerk. xP My brother can be annoying and obnoxious to the eighth graders, but gosh dangit, he jabbed him in the neck with his nail and Jared punches him! Little.. little... person. *sigh*
I'm glad he got sent to the principal's. And my little bro's alright, it's just... *sigh* Stupid Jared.
Sam 1 sitch is getting kind of resolved.
Man, I'm so dang weird... just the way I talk.. what I say. I want to be able to reach out to people and share what's right and true and all that, but I hold some of it back and blurt some of it out during school. Most of the time when I keep it to myself, I feel like I'm doing something wrong, and when I say what I do, it sounds like I'm not saying it right... and I probably am not. Seriously.
I need to learn how to just... care. And just listen.
My friend/our leader in the room my little group had up at Districts, Chrissy, she's about... late 20's somewhere, but she's so cool. She's really awesome, really God-minded, and she understands everything I tell her. We had this great conversation about things and... she really understands.
I'm still struggling with just learning how to listen and not talk with my various friends who have various struggles in life. It's hard... I'm just... I talk too much, I'll put it there.
Like even Leah and I. (I hope you don't mind me mentioning you). She can be kind of quiet sometimes, but she's a really great listener. And I'm a good talker when it comes to good friends. So we have a good thing going when we're having conversations, though we try to balance out the talking/listening now. It really helps me sometimes.
But more than once have I been asked just to listen, and talked about by adults when I bring up my own personal "issues" with my modes of talking too much, about how I need to just... listen and let people vent sometimes.
I'll suck as a psychologist if I don't, as well. But right now, being a good FRIEND is what matters.
And that whole "psychologist" thing gets in the way too. Because I sometimes analyze my friends and their problems in my head, and then I talk, and they don't want advice... which tunes right back into the listening thing. I'm so... urggghhh grrrrrrrr.
So there's my first thing to improve:
LEARN HOW TO LISTEN AND WHEN TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT (better)
and
LEARN WHEN TO EXPRESS OPINION/VIEWS/WHATEVER/ETC. AND WHEN NOT TO
And really, prayer is a big thing too... I went to an eight-hour prayer conference/rally/thing, where this guy who is joined in this group for praying for the country spoke at my church.
There was a river that ran through a village in Africa, that was poisonous and white, and when the people prayed for it, and lived rightly for God, the river went clean and clear.
But only in the segment that ran through the town.
Okay, you can say that it's a coincidence, but I won't. And I never will. Prayer is powerful, speaking to God, it's really powerful...
Things I've Learned from Various People and the Bible about prayer:
-Prayer must and can be honest, to a T. It's okay to have really angry, or really sad prayers. Even Jesus prayed this way at some points("Oh God, Oh God, why have you forasken me?" I think was it...).
-The best prayer, though, is one prayed with total faith in God. Like the people in Africa, and the time I gave my dad to God... (I sort of prayed something similar to something I read in the book "Crystal Lies" by Melody Carlson... erm, long story. But God really did help me and him.) Basically, in the book, the main character, a co-dependent mother of a drug addict, lets her son go in her heart, trusting God to care for him for sure, even through all of the difficult, terrible times.
My situation was a little different (not a mother, Dad's not a drug addict...) but it was something worthy of a prayer like that. And the peace... the peace that flowed over me when I truly let it go. I knew it was real.
And my dad came home safe and sound that night.
I know God's there. I've gotta work on my prayer life.
I think if I have more to say (which I probably will) I'll put it on another post. You guys are all awesome to keep reading me like this. I love you guys. :) I hope you're all doing well, and thank you so much for being there like you always are. :)
*huggles everyone*
Also, gotta be less judgmental... less quick to talk... less hypocritical...
I know it sounds like I'm just listing off flaws, but you know, it's better for me I think, to think of what I need to improve and how than just... sit and wallow in it. I used to do that all the time.
Need to read my Bible more consistently. Definitely that one. .-.
Okay, Districts peepz didn't tell me that exactly, but that's just what I think I need to change. I might talk about getting there a little later. (My hypocrisy coming out there... xP )
Soooo... today.... standardized/statewide/whatever test for math. xP I screwed up on a constructed response question (where it's open ended and you have to fill it out yourself and show your work and stuff). So that kinda sucked. But it was okay.
My brother and "Jared" sorta kinda fought today. Jared is a jerk. xP My brother can be annoying and obnoxious to the eighth graders, but gosh dangit, he jabbed him in the neck with his nail and Jared punches him! Little.. little... person. *sigh*
I'm glad he got sent to the principal's. And my little bro's alright, it's just... *sigh* Stupid Jared.
Sam 1 sitch is getting kind of resolved.
Man, I'm so dang weird... just the way I talk.. what I say. I want to be able to reach out to people and share what's right and true and all that, but I hold some of it back and blurt some of it out during school. Most of the time when I keep it to myself, I feel like I'm doing something wrong, and when I say what I do, it sounds like I'm not saying it right... and I probably am not. Seriously.
I need to learn how to just... care. And just listen.
My friend/our leader in the room my little group had up at Districts, Chrissy, she's about... late 20's somewhere, but she's so cool. She's really awesome, really God-minded, and she understands everything I tell her. We had this great conversation about things and... she really understands.
I'm still struggling with just learning how to listen and not talk with my various friends who have various struggles in life. It's hard... I'm just... I talk too much, I'll put it there.
Like even Leah and I. (I hope you don't mind me mentioning you). She can be kind of quiet sometimes, but she's a really great listener. And I'm a good talker when it comes to good friends. So we have a good thing going when we're having conversations, though we try to balance out the talking/listening now. It really helps me sometimes.
But more than once have I been asked just to listen, and talked about by adults when I bring up my own personal "issues" with my modes of talking too much, about how I need to just... listen and let people vent sometimes.
I'll suck as a psychologist if I don't, as well. But right now, being a good FRIEND is what matters.
And that whole "psychologist" thing gets in the way too. Because I sometimes analyze my friends and their problems in my head, and then I talk, and they don't want advice... which tunes right back into the listening thing. I'm so... urggghhh grrrrrrrr.
So there's my first thing to improve:
LEARN HOW TO LISTEN AND WHEN TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT (better)
and
LEARN WHEN TO EXPRESS OPINION/VIEWS/WHATEVER/ETC. AND WHEN NOT TO
And really, prayer is a big thing too... I went to an eight-hour prayer conference/rally/thing, where this guy who is joined in this group for praying for the country spoke at my church.
There was a river that ran through a village in Africa, that was poisonous and white, and when the people prayed for it, and lived rightly for God, the river went clean and clear.
But only in the segment that ran through the town.
Okay, you can say that it's a coincidence, but I won't. And I never will. Prayer is powerful, speaking to God, it's really powerful...
Things I've Learned from Various People and the Bible about prayer:
-Prayer must and can be honest, to a T. It's okay to have really angry, or really sad prayers. Even Jesus prayed this way at some points("Oh God, Oh God, why have you forasken me?" I think was it...).
-The best prayer, though, is one prayed with total faith in God. Like the people in Africa, and the time I gave my dad to God... (I sort of prayed something similar to something I read in the book "Crystal Lies" by Melody Carlson... erm, long story. But God really did help me and him.) Basically, in the book, the main character, a co-dependent mother of a drug addict, lets her son go in her heart, trusting God to care for him for sure, even through all of the difficult, terrible times.
My situation was a little different (not a mother, Dad's not a drug addict...) but it was something worthy of a prayer like that. And the peace... the peace that flowed over me when I truly let it go. I knew it was real.
And my dad came home safe and sound that night.
I know God's there. I've gotta work on my prayer life.
I think if I have more to say (which I probably will) I'll put it on another post. You guys are all awesome to keep reading me like this. I love you guys. :) I hope you're all doing well, and thank you so much for being there like you always are. :)
*huggles everyone*
Monday, April 20, 2009
THIRD! Sorry about that. Intro/Prologue-like-item to my story.
Author's Note:Inspired by Leah, I will put up this preface. The story itself may suck, but I kind of like my preface. I might try to summarize it later. It would be nice if someone who is more adult than me can tell me what it's like to be an adult.
“Change”
It’s amazing how much life can change in however many years we’ve been existent. There are a lot of things associated with that. At 20-some odd years, people will still call you young, yet you have lived through over two decades, and so many things can change in those over two decades. I mean, so many things can change in just one year. Or even a month.
A week.
A day. An hour.
A minute.
A second.
Lots of things happen that change us. Although it may be our choice to how we react to those changes, things will happen that will ultimately change us.
For better, or for worse.
People might hurt us; that may make us feel confused or angry or depressed. People might compliment us and bring up our confidence. Or, people will tell us something, and that might get us thinking, that might get us doubting, or assist us in finding something that we might have been looking for. Or make us face something we’d been fighting, or running from.
Changes can’t just be based on circumstances we can’t help. Changes can be from our own choices. How we react to circumstances beyond our control, changes us. What we choose, impacts our lives. Whether big or small, it just may change our life.
Whether a change will be good or bad is based on our own choices. Right or wrong, good or bad, internal or external.
AN: What do you guys think? Just let me know. It's super vague, but here's the story:
There's Ben Errickson, resident dreamer and optimist, Christian, and Marriage Counselor intern, with high hopes for the future and the future of his career. He'd gone through a lot, with his parents' divorce, and his sister's former teenage pregnancy. Now grown up, at around 26, his sister having such a ridiculous success in life with child and husband, as well as his parents' successful remarriages, and really hoping with God in his heart and thoughts, he wants to make things happen for other couples. He wants to work in the field to heal couples, but is well aware of how relationships can fail, and has learned to accept it, as difficult as it is. He is far in his progress from adolescence and those days. And has a strange attraction toward a girl in the workplace, that interests him out of the mystery of her problems and outwardly coarse attitude.
Erin is harder to explain. I still haven't figured her out entirely.
Erin Martensen has a counseling job that has something to do with girls who put themselves in compromising or dangerous situations or used to be in them. Though the job is serious, and the girls are sensitive, she is constantly, loudly, encouraging them to just live for themselves and do what they think is right and get out of whatever bad situation they're in. And not to mention, blames the guys entirely who often give them the problems in her perspective. She almost seems out to get the entire male population at times. She is not at all conventional with this, and is sometimes too loud to listen. She believes that no one should have control over anyone else. She comes on too strong, and acts like she's strong, and seems to not "take crap". And she doesn't let too many people in. But no one at the Center they work at really knows her that well. At one point, she was just like the girls in the groups she watches over, but after feeling guilt and pain and fear, she built up a shell of sarcasm and control and bitterness that she doesn't like to admit she has. And underneath it, she blames the person from her past, and curses herself for never standing up, making it her goal to make sure as many people as possible never have to reach that position again. Ben annoys the crud out of her, but only over time will she soften and open up again, through him at first.
Too cheesy/cliche/unrealistic/stupid/weird/sexist (ha)/dumb/strange/etc.? Let me know. Really. I want as much critque as possible on this because I want to be accurate. Or at least to a point. I know it's my story, but I've gotta write for readers, not just myself.
“Change”
It’s amazing how much life can change in however many years we’ve been existent. There are a lot of things associated with that. At 20-some odd years, people will still call you young, yet you have lived through over two decades, and so many things can change in those over two decades. I mean, so many things can change in just one year. Or even a month.
A week.
A day. An hour.
A minute.
A second.
Lots of things happen that change us. Although it may be our choice to how we react to those changes, things will happen that will ultimately change us.
For better, or for worse.
People might hurt us; that may make us feel confused or angry or depressed. People might compliment us and bring up our confidence. Or, people will tell us something, and that might get us thinking, that might get us doubting, or assist us in finding something that we might have been looking for. Or make us face something we’d been fighting, or running from.
Changes can’t just be based on circumstances we can’t help. Changes can be from our own choices. How we react to circumstances beyond our control, changes us. What we choose, impacts our lives. Whether big or small, it just may change our life.
Whether a change will be good or bad is based on our own choices. Right or wrong, good or bad, internal or external.
AN: What do you guys think? Just let me know. It's super vague, but here's the story:
There's Ben Errickson, resident dreamer and optimist, Christian, and Marriage Counselor intern, with high hopes for the future and the future of his career. He'd gone through a lot, with his parents' divorce, and his sister's former teenage pregnancy. Now grown up, at around 26, his sister having such a ridiculous success in life with child and husband, as well as his parents' successful remarriages, and really hoping with God in his heart and thoughts, he wants to make things happen for other couples. He wants to work in the field to heal couples, but is well aware of how relationships can fail, and has learned to accept it, as difficult as it is. He is far in his progress from adolescence and those days. And has a strange attraction toward a girl in the workplace, that interests him out of the mystery of her problems and outwardly coarse attitude.
Erin is harder to explain. I still haven't figured her out entirely.
Erin Martensen has a counseling job that has something to do with girls who put themselves in compromising or dangerous situations or used to be in them. Though the job is serious, and the girls are sensitive, she is constantly, loudly, encouraging them to just live for themselves and do what they think is right and get out of whatever bad situation they're in. And not to mention, blames the guys entirely who often give them the problems in her perspective. She almost seems out to get the entire male population at times. She is not at all conventional with this, and is sometimes too loud to listen. She believes that no one should have control over anyone else. She comes on too strong, and acts like she's strong, and seems to not "take crap". And she doesn't let too many people in. But no one at the Center they work at really knows her that well. At one point, she was just like the girls in the groups she watches over, but after feeling guilt and pain and fear, she built up a shell of sarcasm and control and bitterness that she doesn't like to admit she has. And underneath it, she blames the person from her past, and curses herself for never standing up, making it her goal to make sure as many people as possible never have to reach that position again. Ben annoys the crud out of her, but only over time will she soften and open up again, through him at first.
Too cheesy/cliche/unrealistic/stupid/weird/sexist (ha)/dumb/strange/etc.? Let me know. Really. I want as much critque as possible on this because I want to be accurate. Or at least to a point. I know it's my story, but I've gotta write for readers, not just myself.
Two posts in a row. I'm on a roll today! (Odd poetry and stuff)
Sorry for the lack of creativity in the titles. I will now write some random poetry.
Tell Me
I hate
Taking criticism
Sometimes
There's pride
I can't let go
Of what I wrote or thought or said
And become defensive or offended.
But I know I shouldn't.
I know when I should take it and the difference between constructive
And destructive
Criticism or insult.
But either way, please tell me
What you think.
Give me your opinion.
Or quote some scripture for me.
Insult me.
Make fun of me.
Just tell me.
I want to know.
I just want to know
What you think.
Maybe it shouldn't matter
It shouldn't affect me.
But the good things that affect me,
Will make me a more well-rounded person.
Make me listen better.
Humble me.
Even the bad
Will make me stronger in the end.
Just tell me everything you think.
Untitled
When I look at you,
I think of all the emotions
I felt for you
Why do I mess up things like this?
I just don't understand myself
But it doesn't matter anymore
If you're happy, I'm happy.
If you're doing good, I'm happy.
If you're covering up what's really inside, I understand.
Sometimes I don't want to believe this is really your personality.
But who am I to judge?
And if I truly cared for you, what would I do for you?
More notes would make you think I was strange, not that you already don't.
I'll try to understand you.
I'll leave you alone if that's what you want.
I have a strane personality; I'm hard to understand, even to myself.
But I hope we can be friends.
We were at one point, and now I'm not so sure.
Do you ever think of me?
Or do you avoid me in your thoughts, just so you're avoiding me?
Will we ever get closer?
Should I even care?
It's for God I need to change.
It's for you I want to be softened.
And tougher at the same time.
You will never understand what I thought of you this year.
But it doesn't even matter.
I want to lead well, I want to be good.
I want to inspire, but God has to work through me, not on my own.
Follow Him, dear brother in Christ
I'll try not to be inconsistent anymore.
I have no right to criticize, I have no right to point out your flaws.
Especially when I need to focus yet on mine.
Keep on going with life, but fight the forces that lead you off the right path.
For your own good.
Live knowing He is there.
And that if you ever need another friend, I will jump at the chance.
Always There
I thank the Lord for you
Every single day
He is a wonderful God, and you are the ones He gave me to keep me in check.
You are the one I talk to when others bring me down
You are the one who give me encouragement on the times I need it
You could write an entire book about me, as I could for you.
You and I know each other far too well
You are always there for me
I hope I'm always there for you.
If I've ever failed you, which I'm sure I have, I'm sorry.
You put up with my demandingness, my bipolar self-esteem
You put up with me every single night.
You know how to listen, and when to talk and when not to.
You are just too amazing.
God, thanks for blessing me with such a great friend.
To All my Friends
All of you
Always listening
Always talking
On my nerves, or on my heart, on my mind
All the time.
I love you all.
I care for you in different ways
And never want to see you hurt
Though I have.
Many of you.
Dearest friends.
You are always in my prayers,
In my thoughts.
You never leave my mind.
Even when I feel I've failed you, you prove me wrong.
And when I actually do, you're always so loving
So forgiving.
I thank God for you too, my friends.
I'll never leave your side
He'll never leave your side.
You're in my life for a reason.
And I thank God for your presences
For your kindness and your openness and love.
Tell Me
I hate
Taking criticism
Sometimes
There's pride
I can't let go
Of what I wrote or thought or said
And become defensive or offended.
But I know I shouldn't.
I know when I should take it and the difference between constructive
And destructive
Criticism or insult.
But either way, please tell me
What you think.
Give me your opinion.
Or quote some scripture for me.
Insult me.
Make fun of me.
Just tell me.
I want to know.
I just want to know
What you think.
Maybe it shouldn't matter
It shouldn't affect me.
But the good things that affect me,
Will make me a more well-rounded person.
Make me listen better.
Humble me.
Even the bad
Will make me stronger in the end.
Just tell me everything you think.
Untitled
When I look at you,
I think of all the emotions
I felt for you
Why do I mess up things like this?
I just don't understand myself
But it doesn't matter anymore
If you're happy, I'm happy.
If you're doing good, I'm happy.
If you're covering up what's really inside, I understand.
Sometimes I don't want to believe this is really your personality.
But who am I to judge?
And if I truly cared for you, what would I do for you?
More notes would make you think I was strange, not that you already don't.
I'll try to understand you.
I'll leave you alone if that's what you want.
I have a strane personality; I'm hard to understand, even to myself.
But I hope we can be friends.
We were at one point, and now I'm not so sure.
Do you ever think of me?
Or do you avoid me in your thoughts, just so you're avoiding me?
Will we ever get closer?
Should I even care?
It's for God I need to change.
It's for you I want to be softened.
And tougher at the same time.
You will never understand what I thought of you this year.
But it doesn't even matter.
I want to lead well, I want to be good.
I want to inspire, but God has to work through me, not on my own.
Follow Him, dear brother in Christ
I'll try not to be inconsistent anymore.
I have no right to criticize, I have no right to point out your flaws.
Especially when I need to focus yet on mine.
Keep on going with life, but fight the forces that lead you off the right path.
For your own good.
Live knowing He is there.
And that if you ever need another friend, I will jump at the chance.
Always There
I thank the Lord for you
Every single day
He is a wonderful God, and you are the ones He gave me to keep me in check.
You are the one I talk to when others bring me down
You are the one who give me encouragement on the times I need it
You could write an entire book about me, as I could for you.
You and I know each other far too well
You are always there for me
I hope I'm always there for you.
If I've ever failed you, which I'm sure I have, I'm sorry.
You put up with my demandingness, my bipolar self-esteem
You put up with me every single night.
You know how to listen, and when to talk and when not to.
You are just too amazing.
God, thanks for blessing me with such a great friend.
To All my Friends
All of you
Always listening
Always talking
On my nerves, or on my heart, on my mind
All the time.
I love you all.
I care for you in different ways
And never want to see you hurt
Though I have.
Many of you.
Dearest friends.
You are always in my prayers,
In my thoughts.
You never leave my mind.
Even when I feel I've failed you, you prove me wrong.
And when I actually do, you're always so loving
So forgiving.
I thank God for you too, my friends.
I'll never leave your side
He'll never leave your side.
You're in my life for a reason.
And I thank God for your presences
For your kindness and your openness and love.
OMC AN EXACT 2 MONTHS SINCE MY LAST POST!!!
Once again, I start with an apology. I'm really, really, REALLY sorry for not posting. I am REALLY not good with all this irregular posting, guys. I'm sorry. :(
*hug* You guys are still totally awesome for reading my blog.
Anyways, April 20. Things about today:
-It is the anniversary of the Columbine shootings
-It's the day I can go back to phone roleplaying with my friend
-It's... April 20th.
I have this book that has this story of Cassie Bernall from before she became a Christian again and everything, and it was written by her parents, and... *sigh* It was really good, but really sad. The whole situation is really, REALLY sad. That all those kids had to lose their lives that way. And the many more who have since then.
The roleplaying thing kind of pales in the Columbine situation. I really don't just wanna brush over that, but I sort of do. It reminds me of when I watched Hotel Rwanda for school, and how the UN got only the European/American/etc. tourists out and themselves to cover themselves up and didn't help the Rwandans until so much killing had already happened.
It's all incredibly sad, all of that. *sigh* I pray that the survivors are all doing well.
---
Continuing from my last post, I do think I'm done with liking Sam 1. He's got a girlfriend now, and she's nice enough, and I just don't think I can keep on going with that. Weird stuff happened (as in, his dad came over and talked to my dad over Sam 1's behavior, which isn't very nice or appropriate toward me and various other people), and I'm trying to just think of him as a regular person again. Not a "cardboard cut-out" of eighth grade crush. A guy who could be my friend, a guy who might be struggling with things that don't ever surface out from his crudely-humored shell at school. I'm trying to do that with all of his... friends... as well.
*sigh*
Easter.
Easter was pretty awesome. I loved my church service, and the song that one of the women in the church sang:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6LGSzNW9xU
It was sort of obvious that they were reaching out to the people who DIDN'T believe in Christ exactly, during the sermon. But I was okay with that.
I've been thinking a lot lately. The past couple of weeks, I thought too much. I really just... I had a bout of questioning. Lots of it. But I'm done with that. I don't mean to offend anyone with the song or what I write or anything. I really just know in my heart, that God is there. And all his laws are righteous and true.
Things that have spoken to me/inspired me/made me think/made me hopeful/etc. lately (within past week/Sunday/etc.):
-Post on one of the ASN D&D boards about "throwing stones" (like in the Bible, how Jesus told the crowd who were going to stone an unfaithful woman or something, and said "He without sin may throw the first stone", and how no one could...) It was kind of humbling, I think. I realize I'm too critical and overly "conservative" sometimes. Loving the sinner and not the sin has been easier said than done lately, to be brutally honest, which is a bad thing. And I can't be that way.
-The former atheist woman who shared her testimony to the Sunday School class yesterday. She was awesome... really awesome. People can be transformed so much.
-My Youth Pastor, even as he was getting somewhat "let go" by the church. He really knows what he's talking about. And he's so God-centered on this. I followed his struggle through my dad, who talks to him a lot. And he seemed so encouraged, so sure, of God's direction, so trusting, so faithful, even in such a difficult "season" as he's now put it. I thought that was pretty awesome.
-Leah's confirmation homework for confirmation. What (I think it was Martin Luther...) wrote about temptation:
"Casts doubt on revealed word (I say "Truth" in place of revealed word for some reason...)"
"Contradicts revealed word"
"Counter-promises revealed word"
It's really true, is what I've found... the way Satan works in temptation, the way temptation, even through ourselves, goes... it's pretty deep, pretty real. I've seen it. Every time I've gotten tempted to believe something that's wrong, that's just the way it goes. o.o
-People just being nice to me. Sam 1 being able to talk to me like a friend at Youth Group, and then not as much at school. But it's okay-ish.
-My dad mentioning again how the adults at my church think I'm a leader, a good encourager, a caring person... sometimes I feel like I don't fit that at all. And I never feel like I do. But knowing people see me that way, usually it scares me... but it really makes me want to keep aiming high. Not only because I don't want to fail them, but because I really want to care. And I really want to follow where God wants me to go, and be a good example to my friends and youth group members. And I can't let God or them down.
-How I've really been blessed with a gift, apparently. Even when I don't see it.
And that's about all I think I'll say for this post. God bless you all. Jesus loves you too.
You guys are pretty awesome. Love ya all! Talk to you soon. :)
*hug* You guys are still totally awesome for reading my blog.
Anyways, April 20. Things about today:
-It is the anniversary of the Columbine shootings
-It's the day I can go back to phone roleplaying with my friend
-It's... April 20th.
I have this book that has this story of Cassie Bernall from before she became a Christian again and everything, and it was written by her parents, and... *sigh* It was really good, but really sad. The whole situation is really, REALLY sad. That all those kids had to lose their lives that way. And the many more who have since then.
The roleplaying thing kind of pales in the Columbine situation. I really don't just wanna brush over that, but I sort of do. It reminds me of when I watched Hotel Rwanda for school, and how the UN got only the European/American/etc. tourists out and themselves to cover themselves up and didn't help the Rwandans until so much killing had already happened.
It's all incredibly sad, all of that. *sigh* I pray that the survivors are all doing well.
---
Continuing from my last post, I do think I'm done with liking Sam 1. He's got a girlfriend now, and she's nice enough, and I just don't think I can keep on going with that. Weird stuff happened (as in, his dad came over and talked to my dad over Sam 1's behavior, which isn't very nice or appropriate toward me and various other people), and I'm trying to just think of him as a regular person again. Not a "cardboard cut-out" of eighth grade crush. A guy who could be my friend, a guy who might be struggling with things that don't ever surface out from his crudely-humored shell at school. I'm trying to do that with all of his... friends... as well.
*sigh*
Easter.
Easter was pretty awesome. I loved my church service, and the song that one of the women in the church sang:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6LGSzNW9xU
It was sort of obvious that they were reaching out to the people who DIDN'T believe in Christ exactly, during the sermon. But I was okay with that.
I've been thinking a lot lately. The past couple of weeks, I thought too much. I really just... I had a bout of questioning. Lots of it. But I'm done with that. I don't mean to offend anyone with the song or what I write or anything. I really just know in my heart, that God is there. And all his laws are righteous and true.
Things that have spoken to me/inspired me/made me think/made me hopeful/etc. lately (within past week/Sunday/etc.):
-Post on one of the ASN D&D boards about "throwing stones" (like in the Bible, how Jesus told the crowd who were going to stone an unfaithful woman or something, and said "He without sin may throw the first stone", and how no one could...) It was kind of humbling, I think. I realize I'm too critical and overly "conservative" sometimes. Loving the sinner and not the sin has been easier said than done lately, to be brutally honest, which is a bad thing. And I can't be that way.
-The former atheist woman who shared her testimony to the Sunday School class yesterday. She was awesome... really awesome. People can be transformed so much.
-My Youth Pastor, even as he was getting somewhat "let go" by the church. He really knows what he's talking about. And he's so God-centered on this. I followed his struggle through my dad, who talks to him a lot. And he seemed so encouraged, so sure, of God's direction, so trusting, so faithful, even in such a difficult "season" as he's now put it. I thought that was pretty awesome.
-Leah's confirmation homework for confirmation. What (I think it was Martin Luther...) wrote about temptation:
"Casts doubt on revealed word (I say "Truth" in place of revealed word for some reason...)"
"Contradicts revealed word"
"Counter-promises revealed word"
It's really true, is what I've found... the way Satan works in temptation, the way temptation, even through ourselves, goes... it's pretty deep, pretty real. I've seen it. Every time I've gotten tempted to believe something that's wrong, that's just the way it goes. o.o
-People just being nice to me. Sam 1 being able to talk to me like a friend at Youth Group, and then not as much at school. But it's okay-ish.
-My dad mentioning again how the adults at my church think I'm a leader, a good encourager, a caring person... sometimes I feel like I don't fit that at all. And I never feel like I do. But knowing people see me that way, usually it scares me... but it really makes me want to keep aiming high. Not only because I don't want to fail them, but because I really want to care. And I really want to follow where God wants me to go, and be a good example to my friends and youth group members. And I can't let God or them down.
-How I've really been blessed with a gift, apparently. Even when I don't see it.
And that's about all I think I'll say for this post. God bless you all. Jesus loves you too.
You guys are pretty awesome. Love ya all! Talk to you soon. :)
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